How to Kiss the Girl

Wow her with your mouth

If you want a girl to remember you fondly, it helps to be a good kisser.

I kissed some guys back in the day, but only a few really stand out. I remember that I kissed them all, but with a few of them, I remember the kissing itself.

Even after more than 15 years, I still know exactly where I was and I can replay the way those kisses felt.

There was my first boyfriend.

We had been a little affectionate with each other and he spent weeks wanting to kiss me. I would always turn him down with an “I don’t know” or an “I’m not sure I’m ready.”

He tried to reassure me that he really liked me and that he wouldn’t leave me, that we had a real thing going.

But that’s not why I hesitated. I wouldn’t let him lay his lips on me because I was worried I’d be a bad kisser.

Eventually, I realized that I wasn’t ever going to be good at kissing if I didn’t actually kiss anyone. So, instead of turning away when he tried to kiss me, I turned toward him.

It was so much better than I thought it would be.

Everything about it was just perfect. His lips were soft, plump, and pillowy. His kisses were tender without being weak.

Our kissing turned into making out, and I remember feeling like I could let the entire day go by without doing anything else.

He was a natural. Every kiss he gave me was impeccable. And I don’t just think that because he was my first — I got confirmation from others. Two girls who had also kissed him agreed he was amazingly good at it, and a friend of mine decided to kiss him just to see if it lived up to the hype (it did).

After him, there were a lot of other guys. I liked kissing them, but nothing about the way they did it wowed me.

Until I met James.

James was the first guy I think I was deeply, intensely, lustfully attracted to. We spent our first date in his bed, watching a movie. I lay in his arms, waiting impatiently for him to kiss me. He kept looking at me like he would, but then looked at the screen again.

He waited for the entire duration of the movie and then leaned down to press his mouth against mine.

James was a good kisser, better than most of the other guys I had locked lips with. But that anticipation is what made it so electrifying. That kiss released all the excited tension we had just spent 90 minutes or so building up to it.

After James and a couple more guys, it was Jake.

There was a lot of chemistry between us. It was almost instantaneous. We got to know each other online and when we met in person, we were a little nervous but we just clicked.

That same day, we shared our first kiss.

I stood in front of him, biting my lip and nervously staring at him.

“You want to kiss me, don’t you?” I couldn’t tell if that was a statement or a question, but I nodded and he kissed me.

I remember him kissing me more aggressively than I was used to — a little sloppy, even. But it didn’t matter. No other kiss had ever made me feel so wanted. Something about his passion and intensity showed me that he desired me.

Those are the guys who taught me that kissing could be more than just fun and that being a good kisser can make a big difference.

Kissing builds intimacy, and if you’re good at it, that intimacy can feel even stronger. It can’t make up for a lack of chemistry, but it can intensify it or spark something.

A great kiss can turn a good date into a great one. It can be the reason there’s a second date.

And it’s often the first part of foreplay, which means some really good kissing can help put her in the mood to fuck.

So, this is a skill you should definitely work on. Here are the things you should work on if you want to be the kind of memorable kisser she still remembers years later.

Start By Asking

Consent isn’t just important for sex, it matters for kissing, too. Kissing someone for the first time is a pretty big escalation, so you need to be sure they actually want you to do it before you lock lips with them.

Besides, it’s only going to be a good kiss if she actually wants it.

And I’m a firm believer that asking can be hot. You just have to do it the right way and at the right time.

If she turns you down when you ask, it’s because she doesn’t want you to kiss her — not because she’s put off by you asking. Trust me, the rejection of a gentle “no” will be a lot better than the having her fight off your attempts at smooching her or her discomfort after you do it.

Verbal consent is always your safest bet, but there are non-verbal cues you can look for, too. When Jake asked me if I wanted to kiss him, we had already both given each other some really strong signals that we both wanted it without saying a single word.

Make Sure Your Lips Are Hydrated

Kissing dry lips just isn’t as fun, so make sure yours are hydrated.

Drink enough water every day so your lips aren’t as dry. Keep them moisturized if they’re not naturally soft. And a bit of lip balm doesn’t hurt if you need it.

Mind Your Breath

Before I had my first kiss, I remember a friend of mine making out with her boyfriend for what felt like forever. I figured she must be really into it because they couldn’t seem to pull away from each other.

Then he left and she told me she was relieved because his breath was so gross it made kissing him disgusting. She just didn’t have the heart to tell him and risk hurting his feelings.

You don’t want to be on the giving end of a kiss like that. Keep some breath mints or gum handy to help your breath game stay on point. Just make sure you don’t have them in your mouth when you’re actually making out.

If you’re on a date that might be going somewhere, be mindful of what you’re ordering. Avoid the dishes heavy in garlic, onion, or any pungent or strong flavors, especially if this might be your first time kissing her. You want to make a good first impression, not make her wonder what the heck you ate.

Create Anticipation

Rushing into the kiss is a mistake. You don’t want to come across overly eager, and you also want to create a little tension between the two of you.

Start by making eye contact. Give a few glances at her lips, like you can’t wait to get yours on her. Lick your lips while looking at her, but don’t overdo it — be subtle.

Brush her hair back gently. Stroke her cheek or her neck.

Stay in that moment with her. Don’t just kiss her — give her time to want it.

Start Slow and Soft

Even if you tend to be a more aggressive kisser, it’s usually best to start slow and soft and work your way up to something more intense.

Though, honestly, you don’t always need to. I’ve had entire makeout sessions that stayed gentle the whole way through and just felt great.

Don’t introduce your tongue yet, either. It’s okay to open your mouth slightly (you should be kissing, not puckering and smooching) but it’s a little soon to start rubbing taste buds.

Even when you’re sticking to lips only, you should make sure to vary up the way you’re kissing. Don’t just spend the whole time bumping mouths. Go for a combination of your lips meeting hers head on and you kissing her upper lip and lower lip.

Tongue Kissing

Once you’re both getting comfortable and your kissing has a bit of momentum, you can start opening your mouth and gently find her tongue.

Don’t shove your tongue in quickly or aggressively and be sure not to jam it too far into her mouth.

Whether you work up to something a little more intense depends on what she’s into. I know that I don’t like feeling a tongue scrape my teeth, I don’t care for my lips being licked, and I don’t enjoy my tongue being sucked. But I also know that some women are into those things. So, pay attention to how she’s using her tongue to get a sense of how she likes to make out. You can also try a few things, but do them tentatively and gauge her reaction.

Keep in mind that way too much tongue can often ruin a kiss, so you want to make sure you’re not overdoing it. And try not to get too sloppy. Again, this can vary from person to person but most women do not want to feel like they’re being slobbered on. Keep your tongue inside your mouth and hers — don’t make her worry that you’ll get so into it you’re going to end up licking her cheeks.

Use Your Hands

Kissing someone who keeps their hands folded in their lap or hanging to their sides feels weird. It just doesn’t feel like they’re into it, no matter what they’re doing with their mouth.

So, run your hands through her hair if she seems comfortable with that. Touch her neck and her chin while kissing her. Put your hands on her waist or her lower back. And if you’re having a hot and heavy makeout session or you’re already very close with her, you can grab and caress her ass.

Whatever you do with them, make sure your hands don’t outpace the intensity of the kiss. You don’t want to be groping her while exchanging soft kisses.

Break Up the Kissing

Don’t just kiss continuously. Even if you’ve been building a lot of anticipation, or waiting for weeks to get your mouth on hers, a lot of the magic happens when you take little moments to breathe each other in.

Take your lips off her long enough to look into her eyes, to look at her sweet smile or her hungry mouth. Stroke her hair and appreciate how flushed you’ve made her.

Say something flirty and give her a chance to do the same. Whisper sweet nothings in her ear. Kiss her neck.

When you do this, you’re building little moments of anticipation throughout. That’s a good way to ramp up desire or connect a little more deeply.

And on the more practical side, pulling away to look at and appreciate each other gives you the opportunity to quickly lick your lips if they’re getting dry.

Vocalize

You can’t say much when you’re kissing, but that doesn’t mean you have to be quiet. Sigh or moan lightly to show her you’re into it.

Less is more when it comes to vocalizing, though. Moaning constantly would be a bit off putting. But a little well-timed verbal approval shows enthusiasm and makes the person you’re kissing feel desired.

Show Your Desire

A good kiss conveys a lot of feeling. It tells the person you’re kissing whether you’re feeling close and connected to her, you’re just having a little fun, or you’re horny as hell.

A good kiss will make her feel wanted. A great kiss will make her want you more than she already did.

Whether you want to show love, be seductive, or escalate things a little further, you can do it with good kissing skills. So, build anticipation, go into it with confidence, and give her the kind of kiss she’ll always remember.

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