How to Insult Somebody With Care

For those who can’t lie: a genius solution

It hurts me to lie. But I have learnt the hard way that not everyone likes the truth in the autistic way that I do.

I read a story once. I am pretty sure it was Oscar Wilde, who, after sitting through a dreadful play, was invited backstage by the writer on the opening night.

“Well, what did you think of the performance?” asked his friend.

Oscar (maybe) stretched out his arms to embrace his friend and uttered the words: “Darling, marvellous simply isn’t the word.”

I confess that I have used this line more than once myself. “Delicious simply isn’t the word,” has got me out of trouble at dinner parties on more than one occasion.

But it worries me that if I have read the Oscar Wilde (maybe) story, perhaps others have too.

So, I have learnt other ways to work around how to respond if faced with something unspeakably awful that I am expected to comment on.

My genius solution? I turn it into a question instead of a statement. Behold:

“How gorgeous do you look in that wedding dress?”

“Have you ever looked more fabulous?”

“How delicious was that Pavlova? You simply must let me have the recipe.” (so I can make sure never to use it = unspoken)

Problem solved. You’re welcome.

PS: If I have ever left a comment on one of your articles along the lines of: “Marvellous simply isn’t the word,” then of course, I meant it was better than marvellous. Probably.