How to Identify a True Narcissist
We can all display narcissism from time to time, after all there are multiple social media accounts devoted to helping people ‘find themselves’, ‘empower’ themselves, ‘reclaim their power’ and ‘find their tribe’.
But there is a big difference between someone learning to empower themselves vs. a true narcissist.

In our modern world where anyone with a camera and a social media account can be ‘special’, it’s incredibly difficult to identify who is a little narcissistic and who is a full blown narcissist.
A Narcissist is someone who has a diagnosable Personality Disorder. There are 9 criteria of which a person must display five in order to be diagnosed as a Narcissist.
The behaviours and mindset would have to have been present from their late teenage years into their early 20's.
Narcissism has been researched extensively and is fairly well understood by psychologists and psychiatrists. It is widely believed that once a narcissist always a narcissist.
The criteria for diagnosing a Narcissist are:
- A grandiose sense of importance
- A preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, wealth, power, ‘perfect love’, intelligence, looks, charisma (rizz), charm — everything about them is impressive.
- A belief that they are ‘special’ and that they need to be around people who validate how special they are. People who are famous, rich, political, powerful in some way, all bring a sense of importance to the Narcissist.
- They need to be admired
- They feel entitled to EVERYTHING
- They cannot empathise
- They exploit others for their own gain
- They are envious of others or believe everyone to be envious of them
- They demonstrate arrogance towards others through their behaviours and words
A true narcissist must display at least five of the above characteristics in order to be diagnosed as a narcissist.
Just because someone posts pictures of themselves online does not make them a narcissist. A person who is confident in themselves is not necessarily a narcissist.
I feel that judging someone as a Narcissist is a really easy option for people these days. It’s far easier to label the other person as the ‘bad’ one that it is to look at your own actions and take accountability.
Many people focus on the Narcissists tactics rather than what’s going on behind that.
Playing the victim is a perfect example of the Narcissist tactics. They’ll present themselves as the ‘wronged’ person and try to be ‘weak’. Because if they are the poor, helpless, defenceless weak one, they’ll get the help, they’ll get the adoration, they’ll get the support.
A Narcissist will not hesistate to cut you off. If you have a narcissist parent, you will know that they don’t care if they’re not speaking to you.
They’ll stop speaking to you as a way of ‘teaching you a lesson.’ Plus they’ll tell people how awful you have been to them and that they had no choice but to protect themselves from your behaviour by cutting you off. So it works in their benefit if they’ve had to stop speaking to you.
It’s less stress for them. If you don’t fit their perfect image of a perfect family and a perfect life — they won’t want you in it.
You can’t appeal to their sense of empathy, because they don’t have one.
You can appeal to their sense of grandeur and their self identity, but you take a big risk that they will get angry and throw you out of their life for good without a second thought.
They don’t care what relation you might be to them. They will enjoy being the one cut out from their family, the isolated one, the bullied one, the forgotten one. If you do not live up to their fantasy, you are no good to them.
For me one of the biggest clarifiers as to whether someone is a Narcissist or not, is how quickly they disregard people. I also look at how much they mis-interpret situations. Because they are constantly looking to have the world be a certain way, anything that contradicts that is not going to be permitted. They’ll consider any perceived queries as disrepect or gaslighting behaviour, because their version of the world is now in jeopardy. They’ve been triggered by a question.
If their world is so fragile that any little question about their behaviour can uproot them, that person is displaying all of those statements about grandiose ideas, fantasies, power and riches.
You can’t change them. You can’t play games with them. The best advice is to be nice but distant when you see them. Don’t give away deep personal information. Smile, laugh and get out of there as soon as you can.
Thanks for reading. Take Care x