How To Have Uncomfortable Conversations With Your Co-Workers

Being direct with people about their personal hygiene without being rude

At some point, if you are fortunate (or unfortunate depending on how you look at it), you may have a coworker who does not maintain a civilized level of personal hygiene.

They don’t brush their teeth, they don’t shower regularly, they went to the gym and then went straight to work, they don’t wear deodorant, they take their shoes off so everyone can smell their feet, or maybe they had their partner’s eggplant or grapefruit for breakfast and have their partner’s musk all over their face and they didn’t wash.

Whatever the case, we are judging them. We think poorly of these coworkers. In our heads we might say something like:

“Dave, your armpits smell like an expired tuna sandwich.”

We wouldn’t dare say that to their face because that’s just rude.

In fact, we probably avoid going near them in the first place. But we have those thoughts. We may even gossip with other coworkers or complain to our boss.

If you should find yourself in that uncomfortable position, be a leader, take one for the team, and have an uncomfortable conversation with that person.

You don’t have to let your boss be the one to always do it (speaking from the experience of being a former manager in a Tech Startup).

Step 1 — Have the conversation in private

Send a message to that person requesting to have a quick chat in private. If you see them, you can discreetly make the request.

Any conversation that is personal in nature should always be handled behind closed doors or perhaps outside in a well-ventilated area that is not too close that other coworkers might hear.

You want to keep the conversation strictly confidential because you don’t want to embarrass the person.

Step 2 — Be Direct, but be professional and be human

“Dave, I wanted to have a quick conversation about your personal hygiene.”

Describe the problem and how it impacts you directly. Be honest, be direct, but don’t attack them verbally.

“This is not a comfortable conversation for me because I don’t want to sound rude and I don’t want to offend you. But your body odor is unpleasant for me and the rest of our team. It’s quite distracting in the office when we work.”

Never end the conversation negatively. Rather than telling them what to do, ask them a question, and get them to create a solution for the problem so that it’s their idea.

“Would you be willing to do something to change that?”

Step 3 — Listen to them and end the conversation on a positive note

Listen to their response to your request.

Most people are willing to comply. If they get upset or offended, avoid making the situation worse. Just apologize and speak to a manager about the situation afterward.

Never walk away from a negative interaction and pretend that nothing happened. Let your boss know so they can have a follow-up conversation.

But if they are in agreement. Be thankful and end the conversation positively.

“Thanks for being so understanding Dave. It makes a huge difference in the work environment.”

Simple. Right?

Don’t allow the problem to continue for too long because everyone in the office will suffer.

Be a hero, be a leader, and help your teammates get rid of that nasty funk in a polite and professional way!