How to Learn From Your Failures

I was doomed to ever become a writer, so I rose up instead

When’s the first time somebody said you’re a failure? Did they say it to your face or behind your back?

You can’t do this.

That phrase is harrowing to hear. It’s crippling and makes you want to give up. There are many forms of “you can’t.” People won’t always say it to you directly. They might steer around it, subtly hinting that you are a mistake.

I learned to learn from my mistakes. There aren’t any handouts in this world. You have to step up to the plate and actually swing.

Both ways hurt the same. They just hit you at different times. I was 14 years old when I was told I was a failure. I almost gave up on writing then and there.

I’m glad I didn’t.

I wanted to quit

During my freshman year of high school, I received an F on my first ever honors English assignment. I was stunned. I completed the entire paper, so I didn’t know why I was given this grade.

Apparently my hours of effort were worth 5/100.

0.05…

5%…

I felt belittled by this shrewd, British lady who willfully set me up for failure. This couldn’t have been my fault, I thought. I should just quit right now. There isn’t a point in moving on with honors English. If this is what the next four years will be like, then what’s the point?

“Ryan, this paper is absolute waffle.” — My high school English teacher

I was 14 when I learned to learn from my mistakes. There aren’t any handouts in this world. You have to step up to the plate and actually swing. Not to be dramatic, but looking back, this was a major turning point in my life.

There is a lesson to be learned

We all have our failures. Often, we want to wrap them up in a black bag, toss them into a box, lock said box, and throw them in the closet never to be seen again.

But, we shouldn’t do that. It does more harm than good.

We should place our failures on a pedestal, not for others to see, but as a constant reminder of our growth.

I’ve failed quite a bit since I was a freshman in high school. Most importantly, I’ve learned how to handle my failures. In that moment, when I saw my grade, I couldn’t see the lesson in my hands. I was blinded by my rage.

I think lessons are learned over time. There is a cause and effect relationship, but you don’t realize the effects until later.

Give yourself time. Patience is a good quality to have, but if you tell yourself you’ll never fail again, then you’re just setting yourself up for failure, aren't you?

A failure is a reminder of our life trajectory

I was unsatisfied with myself after my first year of college. I was depressed because I was too nervous to really put myself out there.

I tried to transfer to UCLA during my sophomore year. I knew my chances of getting in were low. I already went a good Cal State school, and there wasn’t a necessary reason for me to transfer.

I had a feeling I’d be rejected, and I was right. For some reason I felt relief when I was told “no” in the mail. I failed, even though I expected it to happen, but I wasn't upset.

I believe that everything in life happens for a reason.

I accepted the ideology that either I was developed enough as an academic, and I was ready for the challenges at UCLA, or I had room to grow at my current university.

I certainly had room to grow, and the universe seemed to give me the answer I was looking for. The summer after I was rejected, I was offered a position at my university’s daily paper. It was just what I needed to get out of my rut, and my time with the paper holds a special place in my heart. It gave me so much more experience as a writer than I could imagine.

Without this particular failure, I probably wouldn't be writing at a high enough level to get my work published on Medium.

Fail fast and move on

We need to start treating our failures like a tech company in Silicon Valley treats theirs.

No company ever tested their software one time and said, “Yep, that’s the one chief. Let’s run it.” No, they tested hundreds, if not thousands of renditions of their product before going to market. They can do this because software isn’t tangible. You can’t hold it in your hand, but you can still tweak it over time.

Our mistakes aren’t tangible either. Maybe you spend a few hours on an article that gets rejected by publishers. You’re upset with yourself and the world because you feel like you wasted your time. So it didn’t get published. Did you die? Did it decrease your worth? Probably not.

You’re probably a better writer now because of the whole process. Now you know there is something in your life to improve on.

There is room to grow. That’s what makes life worth living.

Our failures are vital information. We collect data every time we make a mistake. We can’t fine-tune ourselves without them.

My motto is to fail as often as possible but to do it quickly. Recognize our failures and what they teach us, but move past them. We need to learn from them sure, but we can’t let our failures hold us back.

Wrap up

Learn to learn. Your experience is your greatest teacher. Experience is priceless, and your mistakes are a result of nothing more than being human.

It’s normal to feel like quitting when you make a mistake. It’s a defense mechanism to protect you from more pain. Remember that everything in life happens for a reason. The toughest moments can be made positive with the right mindset and a little time.

There is so much room in life to grow, and you can’t fill the gaps unless you learn how. The key is to fail fast and fail often.

And to my first high school English teacher: you raised a fighter. I’m thankful for the lesson you didn’t mean to teach me.

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