How to handle money — spend or save?

Summary

Ksenia learns to balance her approach to money by integrating her parents' contrasting financial habits.

Abstract

Ksenia struggles with her financial habits, influenced by her parents' extreme attitudes towards money. Her mother, having lost savings in a monetary reform, instilled in Ksenia the belief that money should be spent quickly to avoid loss. In contrast, Ksenia's father, who was not appreciated for saving money as a child, avoids spending and finds joy in giving money as gifts. Through therapy, Ksenia realizes she can honor both parents by combining their approaches—saving and spending money wisely, thus avoiding the extremes of her parents' behaviors.

Opinions

The author suggests that parental attitudes towards money, formed in childhood, can significantly influence an individual's financial behavior in adulthood.
It is implied that extreme financial behaviors, such as excessive saving or spending, may not be beneficial and can stem from early life experiences.
The narrative conveys the idea that a balanced approach to money management can be achieved by synthesizing lessons from different perspectives, even if they seem contradictory.
The author posits that reconciling opposing viewpoints can be an act of respect towards one's parents and can facilitate the adoption of a more balanced financial strategy.
There is an underlying belief that financial habits are not fixed and can be altered by understanding and addressing their psychological roots.

How to handle money — spend or save?

The attitude towards money, as well as towards people, towards work, towards life — comes from the family, from childhood. A child, like a sponge, absorbs the parental attitudes that he sees and hears. After all, the baby does not yet have critical thinking. The behavior of his parents means the whole world to him. An example of how to live. The child has no other experience, this is the only one. Which means it’s correct. By repeating the behavior of the parents, the child agrees with them, unconsciously showing: “I am the same as you — one of my own. Love me!” Growing up, the child carries the rules of behavior laid down by his parents into adulthood. Many settings help him, but there are also those that obviously hinder him. Sometimes it is difficult to understand from whom this or that attitude was received, what to do with it, how to change it.

Example from practice. The client’s consent for publication has been obtained, the name has been changed.

Ksenia has a problem with money. She knows how to earn money, but does not know how to save money. She strives to spend it “as soon as possible.” As soon as money appears, Ksenia seems to hear an inner voice: “I need to spend it.” It turns out that this is mom’s voice. Ksenia remembers how her mother put money aside in a savings account in a bank for her daughter’s eighteenth birthday in order to buy her a separate apartment. The monetary reform broke out, and with the accumulated money it was only possible to buy a toy house. Ksenia sees her mother in front of her with eyes full of tears. She just wants to say:

“Mom, I won’t repeat your mistake. I will spend money, not save it.”

I find out if there are people around the girl who manage to accumulate money. It turns out that such a person is Ksenia’s father. He doesn’t even go to the store so that he won’t be tempted to spend money. Mom does this. And dad periodically gives the accumulated money to family members in the form of a gift. And he is very happy about it. He likes to tell a story from his childhood, when at the age of three he found ten rubles. At that time it was quite a lot of money. He brought the bill to his mother, but she was not happy and did not praise her son. She took his action for granted and bought food with this money. And the older brother also beat the baby. “Next time, bring the money to me, not to your mother.” From what happened, the boy concluded that he did not bring his mother enough money. You need to save up and then give so that you will be loved.

“But I can’t help but go shopping!” Ksenia is indignant. “I don’t want to be like my father! And my mother won’t appreciate it, it’s like I’m betraying her.”

Gradually, Ksenia understands that her parents’ attitudes towards money are extremes; she can take a reasonable message from each of them. From father — to save, from mother — to spend. These settings can be combined. At the same time, the girl does not betray anyone; on the contrary, she shows loyalty to both parents. After all, she received life thanks to each of them.

Ksenia expresses her arguments to her imaginary mother and receives her consent.

The girl sighs with relief: “I never thought that parental extremes could be combined. It’s so simple. Money can be saved and spent .”

By combining opposing parental messages, the grown child expresses respect for both parents, and this makes the new decision easier to implement.