How to Handle Difficult Times When Life Becomes Hard
Adversity is going to strike all of us and you need to know how to handle it.
“ADVERSITY!!!” I can still hear the booming yell of one of my fellow assistant coaches on the practice court and in the halftime locker room. My second year of coaching high school basketball came at a public school in northern Virginia. It was one of the most inspiring learning experiences of my life.
It’s no exaggeration to say, I’m the author, speaker and coach I am today because for one season, I was in an environment so rich in spirit, caring, vitality and camaraderie.
Our lead assistant coach was the father of the head coach. This gave the team a family environment and made it fun to observe father and son working in tandem as teachers to young men. One of my dreams has always been to coach a game with my father on the sidelines, so it was cool to live vicariously through our coaching staff.
Our lead assistant had previously coached at the high school level and as an assistant at the Division 1-level. The man, you could say, knew a thing or two about the game of basketball. He imparted lots of wisdom about the game, helped me realize the incredible importance of remaining calm during anxious moments and gave me the best framework I have today for confronting and conquering life’s perennial foe: adversity.
Learning On the Sidelines
“In every adversity there lies the seed of an equivalent advantage. In every defeat is a lesson showing you how to win the victory next time.” — Robert Collier
As we journeyed through the season, I learned more about the game, relationship-building, caring and teaching. My faith in others strengthened during that time. I began to realize how important the game of basketball is to my life. My second season taught me that coaching is a fundamental part of who I am. It’s what lights the fire inside of me.
Our lead assistant coach used to stop practices and would occasionally deliver his ringing yell, “ADVERSITY!,” during pivotal moments. He’d usually look into the eyes of our kids and then ask, “So what are you gonna do?!” It resonated with me then and still gives me goosebumps today. There are lessons here that you can apply in your life.
Coach knew that during key moments, it was all about how our players — and we as a team — would respond. Would we fall apart? Would we dig deep to find another level of performance? How we reacted would determine not just wins and losses but our character and resolve.
Adversity would come to define us on the basketball court, in our personal relationships, the classroom and careers. It was imperative to recognize this. We spoke a lot in practice about the mental side of the game of basketball. The importance of steeling our minds with resolve, while not letting negative emotions get the better of us. We realized that formulating a game plan that strengthened our preparation for adverse moments was essential.
The Big Game
All the adversity I’ve had in my life, all my troubles and obstacles, have strengthened me… You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you. — Walt Disney
During one of our biggest games of the season, we beat T.C. Williams High School — the school made famous by the movie, Remember The Titans, which starred Denzel Washington. This was the first time in seven seasons our school won. That included sometimes playing three times per season. Mentally, there was much to overcome. I am convinced that game was won with grit, not athleticism.
T.C. Williams was more athletically gifted, they were playing on their home floor and presumably, they had all the confidence in the world because they had beaten our school the previous seven years. So what set this particular game apart? Our coaching staff empowered our players with confidence through positive coaching, repeating the messages of belief in self, positive attitude and relentless work ethic.
Most significantly, it was practically self-fulfilling prophecy that came to bear in the 4th quarter. We led the game by five points with six minutes left and earlier that week during practice, our head coach warned the players not to get too overconfident if we played with a lead late in the game. Good teams always make “a run”, and T.C. Williams did.
This time, we were prepared for it because our coaching staff implored our players to respond to this adversity with confidence, envisioning how we would battle back, put points on the board and take away scoring opportunities from our opponent. We literally game-planned for adversity, a strategy we can all employ in our personal and professional lives.
There’s a reason, several years later, I still think of that game often. The lessons that victory taught our kids about overcoming adversity were just as important as the quadratic equations they learned in algebra. That day, boys were able to summon the mental strength within themselves to conquer and overcome adversity.
There’s no avoiding adversity. We have to face it head-on, with confidence in our minds and courage in our hearts. Chances are, you have faced considerable adversity in your life. How are you handling it? Do you run away and hope it will blow over? Or do you face it head-on and resolve to change your circumstances?
Basketball and How We Handle Adversity
The game of basketball is a prism for how we see the world. Why? Basketball is all about overcoming our own performances, learning from mistakes and continuing to improve while moving forward. Never retreating. Basketball, like many sports, can be a game of mistakes.
The winner is often the team that minimizes mistakes, or, overcomes them while fighting and persevering through moments of adversity. The winners are able to withstand and absorb the other team’s best shot while delivering their own best effort and counter-punches, when necessary.
“We don’t develop courage by being happy every day. We develop it by surviving difficult times and challenging adversity.” — Barbara De Angelis
Inside all of us — at our core — is an indomitable will that desires to reach the zenith of our humanity, which I believe is what psychologist Abraham Maslow dubbed, “Self-Actualization.” When we exert ourselves to the maximum of attitude and effort, we find out who we really are. We discover ourselves through thought — in contemplation and reflection. Then, through discipline and action, we realize our thoughts.
We do what we think and say we will do.
I’ve seen too many friends, colleagues and people in society run away from their dreams — or even their duty to live in the moment — out of fear. It’s very easy to have a big smile on our faces and to encounter each moment with confident joy, when everything is going our way. The mettle of who we are as men and women is tested during tough times — moments of adversity.
We must respond with competitive greatness and poise, backed by faith which fuels belief in ourselves to make our best decisions. Time and again in life we’ll have to confront difficult situations. It may be a break-up with a boyfriend, the loss of a loved one, the loss of our job or even the disappointment of our presidential candidate failing to get elected.
The key is to power our way through any suffering, by first mourning and then moving on. Strong-willed and positive-minded people are always learning and seeking our ways to grow in emotional intelligence. Less anger, less fear and more courage, confidence and hope. These are key ingredients for overcoming adversity to ensure that we’re the ones standing in the winner’s circle when the buzzer sounds.
So, what are you gonna do?
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