How To Handle Change Without Coming Unglued
Some tools for your toolbox
Change is definitely scary. But there’s one thing I’ve learned…
It’s coming, so you might as well plan on it.
I have accepted fear as part of life — specifically the fear of change… I have gone ahead despite the pounding in the heart that says: turn back….
— Erica Jong
There are a few tools that you can use when you feel yourself starting to get weighed down or anxious about change. They might help you reframe your emotions and keep that uneasy feeling at bay.
Preparation
Anything could happen, so having a fallback plan is not a bad idea. There are a few areas in your life where you can give yourself a leg up that will help settle you down when the unexpected happens.
Save money- Just because you may have great job security and things are hunky-dory right now, saving money should still be a priority.
Life can get flipped on its’ head in the blink of an eye, and you never know what you’ll need to navigate through it.
It doesn’t need to be a big chunk, just make it consistent. Having a little financial cushion always helps.
Do not save what is left after spending, but spend what is left after saving. — Warren Buffett
Be as healthy as you can- “As long as you have your health, you have everything.” Never a truer statement. Life is volatile enough without having to deal with health issues or general feelings of being unwell.
Eat clean food, drink plenty of water, get some exercise every day, meditate, and visit your doctor and dentist regularly.
You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. — Buddha
Set boundaries before you need them- When the proverbial shit hits the fan, the last thing you need is the pressure of having to explain boundaries you should have set long ago.
Plan your days and weeks with time for your needs first. Keep an hour in the morning sacred for your meditation, block out your workout time, and set aside hours on certain days of the week where you are “off the grid”.
If you plan your days and weeks with some cushion for your own mental health and well-being, you won’t feel knocked off your block when something unexpected happens.
Pay yourself first, in a manner of speaking.
This will allow some mental space to work through the changes or handle a situation without feeling smothered or resentful.
“Compassionate people ask for what they need. They say no when they need to, and when they say yes, they mean it. They’re compassionate because their boundaries keep them out of resentment.”
― Brené Brown
Control The Controllable
There are things that simply are the way they are. You need money to live. Taxes will need to be paid. Society has rules and consequences if you break them.
Only worry about change or a life situation to the extent that they can be impacted by your thoughts and actions.
Make a list of things that induce a sense of anxiety or stress, and determine what is on the list you can control.
The things that you cannot need to be set aside. They just are the way they are.
Your job is to navigate life in the context of those absolutes. That’s your sandbox.
Discover the things that you are able to manage, change, or impact the outcome and focus your energy on that. This will give you a sense of empowerment rather than feeling drained by spinning your wheels on things that are beyond your control.
Leverage Your Support System
Don’t keep your fear of change or life’s worries to yourself. You might think that you’re protecting people you care about by not burdening them with your cares, but you’re really just hurting yourself.
Whether it’s a friend, family member, or therapist, find someone to share your concerns or worries with. Putting things in words and talking them out in the light of day can sometimes help organize your thoughts and provide a new more objective perspective.
And you won’t feel so alone.
Asking for others’ guidance helps you see what you may not be able to see. It’s always important to check your ego and ask for help. — Ken Blanchard
Redefine Change
Don’t fall into the trap of being fearful or uncomfortable with change. It’s not always bad, and many times it’s simply the evolution of your life.
It’s part of it.
Even though there are some changes you’ll want to resist and maybe even be correct in doing so, try to resist having a knee-jerk, negative reaction to all change.
That can be an exhausting endeavor and leave you weak and unprepared for those times when you actually do need to create a plan and navigate what life doles out.
Change will happen. Sometimes it will naturally occur, other times it will hit you like a ton of bricks and your only recourse is to adapt to it and move forward.
Regardless of how you experience it, being prepared can help.
My take: Sometimes I feel like a sturdy boat and life’s changes and challenges act are the waters I need to navigate. Sometimes the waters are rough, sometimes calm, and at other times, out of the blue, they become unexpectedly choppy.
Regardless, I’m a sturdy boat. I’m built for this.
Let’s recap:
Be As Prepared As You Can
- Save money consistently even if you think you may not need to
- Focus on your physical and mental health so you can be ready to handle anything
- Set boundaries. Now, not later. By the time you need them, you’ll have a hard time working them in. Do it before you need to.
Control The Controllable
Figure out what’s in your power to change and what isn’t and don’t spend a minute of sleep worrying about the uncontrollable.
Leverage, Leverage, Leverage
There are friends or family members that are happy to be there for you when your train is ready to go off the rails. If you prefer an outsider, get therapy.
There’s a therapist for every type of issue nowadays, so find one that works for you.
Redefine Change
Not all change needs to knock you off your pin. Some of it’s for the improvement and betterment of your life, even if you don’t think so at the moment.
Just because unsettling, doesn’t mean it’s bad.
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