The 6 Unique Approaches That Can Help You Navigate Major Change
Learn how to limit the effects of change on your life (and in the lives of your loved ones) with these basic approaches.
by: E.B. Johnson
When it comes to life, change is the only constant. Everything around us is impermanent. Our jobs change, our friends change, our partners change. Life is inherently change, but that doesn’t make it any easier to embrace or manage in our personal or professional spheres.
Learning to manage change is a skill that has to be carefully cultivated over time. Change by it’s very nature is a hard thing to pin down, so learning to combat its effects can feel a bit like battling smoke. It can be done with some commitment and an unflinching and radical acceptance of one core truth: change isn’t ever easy, but it’s always necessary.
Why is change so difficult?
Even the mention of change is enough to send some of us into full-fledged anxiety meltdowns. It’s hard to perceive change as a positive force in our lives when it’s so often not. That’s thanks to the complexity of change, as well as a few of the hard-wired ideas we have about it that just seem to come with the human territory.
We’re not always aware that we need change.
Looking from the inside out, it can often be difficult to see that change is needed. We are creatures of habit, so we are comforted by the things we do regularly. New events and new habits make us feel uneasy, and can throw us off-kilter from the patterns and habits that we’re used to.
Our defenses are excellent at keeping us stuck.
Human defenses are strange things, with a number of self-defeating mechanisms that can make it hard for us to embrace change or see the value in it. One such mechanisms is our uncanny ability to stay stuck in situations, environments and even relationships that don’t suit us. This is because our human brain tells us it’s better to be unhappy where it’s familiar, than happy somewhere unfamiliar. A truly baffling concept when you learn to take a step outside the box and view it from the outside in.
Even when we know we need to change, it’s hard to see how.
Even when we do happen to (miraculously) realize we need to make changes in our lives or our work, it can be hard to realize those changes or plan a path forward. It’s hard to do things differently when you’ve only been doing them one way your whole life. Often, it can take the help of others or a long-term pursuit of knowledge to make the changes we need — a journey that takes more time and effort than many of us are willing to put in.
It’s difficult to stay on track.
Making changes — no matter what arena they occur in — is never easy. Even when we attempt to make changes, we often find ourselves falling back into the same old patterns with the same old people. That’s why it’s necessary to create a support system that holds you accountable, and an environment that supports your changes.
We give up before we overcome the obstacles.
Every instance of change (no matter how big or small) is an event, and every event contains obstacles. Whether or not you overcome these obstacles is essentially up to you, but they are one of the biggest reasons we find it so hard to swallow challenges wherever they pop up in our lives. Change is a variable and variables are obstacles to the nervy, change-opposed human.
The people around us resist the changes.
When the people around us resist change, it only makes it that much more difficult for us to manage it ourselves. Negative opinions add up, and they stick in our minds in a way that increases our unease and unhappiness.If the people around you are resisting change, chances are you will too, and that will only lead you further down the road to more self-defeating patterns and a stagnant life of misery.
The 6 best techniques for dealing with major change.
Just because change is hard does not mean it can’t be dealt with. There are number of scientifically back ways to deal with change, but it essentially comes down to a knowledge of who you are and what you need in order to navigate the turbulent waters of upset effectively. Try one of (or a combination of) these techniques in order to address your change and deal with it once and for all.
1. Acknowledge and accept
Things change no matter what we do, or not matter how hard we work to keep them the same. Life charges on regardless of who we are and what we want, and we have to learn how to best adjust to these changes if we’re ever to have a hope of a happy life.
Stop fighting an upstream battle against time and let yourself go with the flow. Acknowledge that the only constant in this life is change, and accept that you will forever be a carefully intertwined part of this process. For better or for worse, change will forever be a part of your life, so you might as well embrace it for the constant that it is.
Denial is a powerful force that can protect us in many ways, but it’s also a damaging force and one that leaves us stuck and fighting a battle we can never hope to win. Let go of your need to be in control and embrace the fact that the only thing in this world that will never go away is change. Everything is impermanent, even us.
2. Let yourself breathe a little
When things are changing around us, it can cause us to feel as though we are spinning out of control. This is a horrible way to feel, and it can often cause us to believe (incorrectly) that we’re not living up to our expectations, or that we’re doing somethig wrong. That’s why it’s important to give yourself a break and remember to let yourself breathe during a major upheaval.
Take some time to practice a little self-care and keep telling yourself that it’s okay to be human and take a break from time to time. There is no law that says we have to give our all 100% of the time, so take your foot off the gas and don’t be afraid to coast when things get too challenging or too real for you to handle.
3. Vent — but keep it cute
Venting can be helpful, but it’s important to keep it limited and keep it to a pointed purpose. Reach out to your support group and let them know what your’e struggling with.
Gear the conversation towards action, though, and try to limit the amount of time you spend focusing on uncontrollable factors that make you feel worse or more uneasy than you already do. Brainstorming with your friends can be a great way to overcome the challenges you’re facing, but a negativity-vomit-session won’t. Know the difference and know what serves you and what doesn’t.
4. Accept that even good change is stressful
We tend to think that only bad change is stressful, but that’s a common misconception. Sometimes, even the good life changes we go through can be stressful, like graduations, weddings and even the birth of children. Happy events — just like bad ones — are packed with stress, but we often forget that thanks to the joy of their resolution.
Stress is just the human body’s reaction to change. We feel stress when we adventure to new places, begin a new relationship or even start the dream career we’ve been working toward our whole lives. Being new or trying something different can make you feel pressed, but it can also make you feel indescribably happy when you discover something that reconnects you with the meaningful things in life.
It’s okay to feel stressed, even when something good is happening. What’s important is to develop the tools you need to deal with that stress, like mindful journalling, reaching out to a mental health professional, or reaching out to friends and family who see the good things coming to you on the horizon.
5. Maintain your routines (as closely as possible)
Change tends to have a bit of a snowball effect on our lives. After the initial fallout of its introduction is over, it quickly picks up pace until it becomes a frenzied, and fevered race that makes it hard for us to keep up.
That’s why it’s important to keep to your routines as closely as possible in the midst of major personal or professional switch-over. Keeping little things the same — like walking the dog in the morning — gives you an anchor and gives your brain a rest.
6. Eat healthy and exercise
When we’re feeling stressed, we tend to reach for things like carbs and sweets to satiate our uneasiness, and we also find ourselves become unmovable couch potatoes. It’s understandable.
Junk food boosts our serotonin (the brain chemical that helps us manage stress), and stress zaps our energy. The problem however is that both of these things can lead to their own long-term problems over time. If you’re feeling the press of stress, track what you eat by writing it down and take a few minutes each week to step back and consider what you’re fueling your body with in the midst of a turbulent time.
Make a committed effort to get outside and get a little exercise each day. Just 20 minutes of walking daily can dramatically improve both your mood and your resilience to stress, but you have to get out there and you have to make yourself do it.
7. Establish a circle of support
No (wo)man or person is an island, and that is especially true when it comes to times of major change or upheaval. We can’t get through life alone, so it’s okay to ask for help when we need it. That’s why it’s so critical to have a group of people who love and support you no matter what, or people you can reach out to when you just need a second opinion.
If you’re someone who’s struggled to find dependable people to surround yourself with, apps like NextDoor can be extremely helpful when you’re having a hard time. Thanks to the internet, we can find and connect with our true tribes like never before, but it can take some effort and it can take some hunting.
If you’re in crisis, or thinking about hurting yourself — don’t waste time waiting for undependable people to save you. Save yourself and reach out to someone at the Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1–800–273–8255).
8. Be proactive
Change is going to happen, whether you want it to or not. That’s why it’s critical to get proactive about managing its effects, rather than waiting lazily on it to blow your life apart.
Take charge of your life and your environment and work preventatively against the negative fallout and emotions that might arise as a result of the coming changes. Figure out what steps you need to take before something happens, and switch from a reactive state of mind to a proactive one.
If you need to make that appointment with your therapist before they announce that big promotion — do it — and don’t be ashamed of addressing your needs before they arise. You are the only person who knows what you need, and you’re the only person looking after yourself when it comes right down to it. Protect your health and wellbeing by defending them ahead of attack; because nobody else will.
BONUS: The best ways to help others cope with major change.
One of the truly interesting things about change is the sometimes roundabout way in which it impacts our lives and relationships. Change doesn’t have to be occurring to you for your personal or professional life to take a major hit. When upsets occur in the lives of our co-workers and loved ones, it can also have a serious effect on our own lives, forcing us to step in and intervene in order to make the best of a tough sitaution.
Offer advice.
Our advice can be invaluable to our friends and loved ones when they are going through a difficult time.
The perspective of others has a funny way of revealing new opportunities to us, so sharing some advice with a friend (at the right time) can be just what they need to overcome their struggles. The important thing to remember here, however, is that advice must be asked for, not forced upon, and it’s never cute to give someone unsolicited advice no matter how well-meaning it might be.
When we give advice without being asked for it, we can actually frustrate or embarrass our loved ones, so it’s critical to wait until your ideas are welcomed and wanted. No one likes to be told what to do, or how to handle their own affairs and this is essentially what unsolicited advice is. Remember the last time you received this type of advice. Did you enjoy it? Then don’t do it to others.
When it’s okay to give advice: 1) When you’ve asked the other party to come up with their own solutions and they can’t. 2) When you’ve been asked for advice. 3) This person has taken your advice and implemented it in the past.
Motivational messages
Inspiration is one of the great ways by which man moves the mountains about him. When we feel inspired, we can do anything, and that goes doubly for our co-workers and loved ones who might be struggling.
When we give them believable, motivational messages in the midst of crisis or difficulty — we allow them to rewire their own thinking and take a new perspective on an otherwise difficult situation. Motivational messages can come in the form of Post-It notes or greeting cards, emails and morning greetings.
These messages don’t have to be complex, and they don’t have to sound like an award-winning Oscar speech. They just have to remind the other party that they’ve made it through change once and they can do it again.
Reward their strength
Human psychology isn’t too complex when it comes to rewards and punishments. We do more of the things we’re rewarded for, and fewer of the things we’re punished for. While this type of system isn’t so overt when it comes to helping our friends, it’s still one that works well in helping them overcome change. It takes some creativity, though, and it takes a little know-how.
Reward your friend or family member for their moments of strength, with kind words or little treats that allow their brains the reconfigure the way they look at stress and adversity. Teach them that change can be a positive thing by making it a positive experience for the both of you, and one that distracts you from the reality of what’s going on.
These short-term rewards are especially helpful in overcoming moderately difficult goals, and also serves as a bonding opportunity that can bring the two parties closer together in a number of ways. Overcoming change is doable, and rewards are often one of the most effective ways to do that; but it requires your commitment to see it through.
Putting it all together…
When the bonds of our life rupture and we find ourselves in the midst of major change, it can become hard (but not impossible) to navigate the once-calm channels of daily life. Life is change by its very nature, but that takes a certain awareness and radical self-acceptance to embrace effectively. Managing change is hard, and its affected by a number of factors and variables. We have to learn to overcome it, though, in order to live our most authentic and happiest lives — and we have to start doing it now.
Be proactive about managing the ill effects of change, and create a support group you can reach out to when things get really hard. Eat healthy, get some exercise every day, and make sure to stick to your routines as closely as possible. Even good change comes with stress, so you have to accept that stress and mitigate by taking care of yourself in the midst of the storm. Change is the only constant in our lives, so learn to love it for the catalyst that it is. When you find the courage to stop running from change, you can find the courage to embrace it. Start embracing your new life with open arms.
