Summary

The article provides guidance on managing relationships with extremely negative friends, emphasizing the importance of maintaining a positive outlook and setting boundaries.

Abstract

The article discusses the challenges of dealing with a pessimistic friend who consistently projects negativity. It suggests that such friendships can be detrimental, as negative opinions tend to overshadow positive ones, potentially altering one's worldview. The author recounts personal experiences with a negative individual, highlighting the impact on their own mindset and the eventual decision to end the friendship. Strategies for handling a negative friend include expressing disapproval of their pessimism, setting clear boundaries, and suggesting professional therapy if needed. For those who choose to part ways, the article advises being straightforward, gradually fading communication, and seeking out more positive relationships. The author concludes by emphasizing the spiritual significance of surrounding oneself with positivity to foster personal growth and maintain good "manners."

Opinions

The author believes that negative friends can have a more significant impact on one's mindset than positive ones due to the "negativity effect."
It is expressed that maintaining a friendship with a pessimist can lead to the adoption of their negative ideologies, which can be spiritually and mentally harmful.
The article suggests that communication is key in any relationship and that it is important to convey discomfort with a friend's negativity.
Setting boundaries is seen as crucial in preserving one's positive outlook and preventing the friend from imposing their negative beliefs.
The author advocates for the professional help of therapists for friends with deep-seated negativity that may stem from mental health issues.
If a friendship becomes too toxic, the author supports ending it to protect one's mental well-being, even if it requires direct confrontation or a gradual withdrawal.
The article promotes the idea that one should actively seek out friendships that are supportive and uplifting, akin to "Pillars," rather than destructive like "Caterpillars."
There is an underlying belief that surrounding oneself with positivity can shape one's experiences and personal development, drawing on the biblical proverb that communication can corrupt or improve one's behavior.

How To Handle an Extremely Negative Friend

Some friends are Pillars while some are Caterpillars.

Do you have an extremely pessimistic friend who always tries to pass their negativity on to you?

I’ve been there — sort of.

Though I wouldn’t call her my friend, we usually hung out because she was friends with my best friend. I found her a little spooky for my taste, so I was never close to her.

Many times we’ve had arguments about lots of things. Part of the reason for that was our Value conflicts. She’d always make statements that suggest, the world is a bad place, full of evil people and stuff like that. Unlike her, I believe humans are kind and the world is a beautiful place.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not denying the fact that there are bad people or that there’s evil in the world, I’m saying, unlike he, I’m not cut out for suspecting every single person’s motive or obsessively talking about demons and such. I don’t mind her having her weird beliefs, my problem with her was, she was bent on convincing everyone to agree with her negative ideologies. I hated that. I’m like; ‘ can you just be on your lane and let me be on mine?’

I eventually ended my friendship with her, but before I did, I noticed for a minute there, I was beginning to believe some of the spooky things she had said.

One time in 2014, I took ill and I was admitted to the hospital for about 2 weeks. She told me she believed I was having some demonic attack. According to her, a demon was trying to take my life. I immediately rejected her statement but after a few days, I found myself thinking about what she had said.

Luckily for me, I read a book that corrected my mindset from her flawed ideologies. Instead of dwelling on the negative, I chose to live my life loving people and improving myself as much as I can so, I can be of great help to humanity.

Why You Don’t Need a Pessimist As a Friend

The thing about being friends with a pessimistic person is, how they are able to easily draw you into their web of negativity. It might be intentional, it might be unintentional. It wouldn’t matter how many positive remarks you get from others, it’s the negative ones that always seem to stick.

For instance, when you successfully accomplish a task and you get compliments from 100 people, then you get one negative remark from your that friend, their negative remark has a higher tendency to stick to your mind, compared to the positive.

According to a study by Kathy Kellermann (1984) The negativity effect and its implications for initial interaction

Across widely varying events, settings, and persons, positiveexperiences or positive aspects of stimuli have been found to be less influential in the formation of judgments than are negative experiences or negative aspects of stimuli.

It’s dangerous to have an extremely negative person as a friend because it is easier to drag a person down than to pull them up. Chances are, they’re going to drag you down to their level of negativity. You need friends that would help you appreciate life.

If you still don’t mind staying friends with your pessimistic friend, for whatever reason and you need help, figuring out how to handle the situation. I’ve got some suggestions for you. Though I still insist that you put an end to that friendship, I also get that some friends grow on you over the years, so breaking off of them, isn’t something you might want.

I have 3 strategies to help you handle your pessimistic friend.

Express Your disapproval of Their Pessimism

Communication is the most essential part of every relationship. If your friend keeps transferring their negativity on you, and you aren’t comfortable with that, you should be able to express your discomfort to them. Talk to them about how their negative behavior is affecting you. And request that they tone it down. If they care about you as much as you care for them, they’d try to tone it down.

Set Your Boundaries

One of the best ways to deal with a pessimistic friend is to communicate your boundaries with them. Tell them about your ideologies. If possible, list out all the topics that you don’t mind talking about. Make it clear to them, discussions that are dark and spooky are unacceptable to you. Demand that they respect your beliefs and stop trying to convince you otherwise, as you try to do the same.

For example, If they believe in demonic attacks and you don’t, tell them you’d appreciate it if they stopped talking about such things with you. They should be able to respect your boundaries.

Suggest They See a Therapist

One thing that most people have failed at, as friends, is that they fail to refer their troubled friends to the appropriate help they need. Most people think that by telling their negative friends, positive things, everything will be fine. That’s not how it works.

Sometimes a person might be negative because they are having some mental health challenges that cause them to be the way they are. Cases like this require much more than words. They need a proper psychiatric or psychological evaluation.

If you have a friend who is pessimistic — out of the ordinary, especially when you know they’ve not always been that way, I’d say, talk to them to seek professional help. If they refuse, you could talk to one or two of their relatives to help convince them.

Now if you’re like me and you can’t tolerate being around negative people. You don’t even want to try, here are 3 ways you can handle the situation and move on.

Be Straight Forward with Them and End the friendship

You’ve reached the point where you’ve had enough of their negative energy in your life and you don’t mind telling them that you no longer need their friendship. Be straight forward and break up as soon as possible. You must let go of toxic people, they’d only suck you dry. This might seem harsh but it’s necessary. You owe it to yourself to look after your mental well being

Slowly Fade Off All Communications

If you aren’t brave enough to be straight with them and end the friendship, do this; When they call, don’t pick up, when they send messages, take a while before replying when they ask to hang out excuse yourself. When they ask the reason for your distance lately, claim to be busy. Every relationship thrives on communication. So the lesser time you have to communicate with that friend, the faster the friendship fades.

Shop For Better Friends

There are thousands of people who share your positive views of the world and humanity. You don’t need to keep struggling to be in a relationship with friends who don’t. Especially when they keep trying to distract you from all that’s good in the world.

Even though you’ve been friends for long, or they’re your only friend, they’re not worth sacrificing your mental health for. No one is worth it. I’d say, you need better friends that would help build you, not friends that would break you. Some friends are Pillars while some are Caterpillars. You can lean on a pillar but a caterpillar destroys.

Final Words

If you still aren’t sure whether you should end your friendship with your pessimistic friend, here’s something to consider;

Words are seeds. When planted in the mind, though it’s small, it grows and bears fruits. You may not know this but, the negativity of your friends would eventually sprout in your mind. Before you know it, you’re beginning to think like them.

“Evil communication corrupts good manners”.

— 1 Corinthians 15:33

The world is a spiritual place. If you keep believing and talking about negative things, soon, negative things would begin to happen. It’s important for you to always be in an aura of positivity. This will help build you into the person you were meant to be. Which is, a lovely and optimistic human.