How to Grow Old While Still Having A Fulfilling Life

Advice from Bertrand Russell and others on finding peace in old age

Bertran Russell places at the heart of a fulfilling life the dissolution of the personal ego into something larger.

“Make your interests gradually wider and more impersonal, until bit by bit the walls of the ego recede, and your life becomes increasingly merged in the universal life. An individual human existence should be like a river — small at first, narrowly contained within its banks, and rushing passionately past rocks and over waterfalls. Gradually the river grows wider, the banks recede, the waters flow more quietly, and in the end, without any visible break, they become merged in the sea, and painlessly lose their individual being.”

This comforting idea of merging into a large whole seems at first a daunting task but the metaphor of life as a river is appealing. Losing your individual being seems to me, at this point in life, not an especially appealing idea but later it might well be.

Old age may in fact consist of becoming more open to new more comforting perspectives as the deprivation of age persists. Not knowing what is coming may exert a special kind of influence that exerts pressure to be open to alternatives not yet presently considered.

Rusell goes on to say:

“The man who, in old age, can see his life in this way, will not suffer from the fear of death, since the things he cares for will continue. And if, with the decay of vitality, weariness increases, the thought of rest will not be unwelcome. I should wish to die while still at work, knowing that others will carry on what I can no longer do and content in the thought that what was possible has been done.”

The ’thought of rest’ rang a bell for me as I had a recent pause in my writing activity for a couple of weeks. It was brought on by a surprising period of dormancy or blankness. No thoughts or sensations came up that demanded articulation in written words or speech.

The Pause to Reflect

The thought of doing more writing and formulating lost its luster. Why repeat what seemed of little value? Or, rather, why continue when effects seemed illusory and uninspiring?

This new space of zero interest caught me by surprise; I must say I was glad it passed as some old motivations reasserted themselves and I found new incentives to continue.

But the unexpected arrival of a period of non-engagement might be a harbinger of more such times to come. How to prepare for such times is not immediately apparent.

Chief New Learning of Old Age

Moving through the stages of life and meeting each on its own terms is a test of one’s self-respect and self-acceptance. The prevailing test of advanced age is learning how to accept unknown changes that are coming. My strategy is to give serious attention to the claims of prevention, that is, to do the things that minimize and delay inevitable losses.

Walking sticks, safer forms of exercise, allowing for diminished energy, and lowered expectations come to mind as accommodations to emerging threats to a calm and painless future.

“You can control your life span to the extent that you can avoid some of the unhealthy behaviors that cause people to die before reaching old age.” Restraint is always a feasible option.

Restraint allows you to exercise control over your life and circumstances. When you choose restraint and steer yourself towards wellness, you open yourself to many rewards, especially better mental and physical health.

On another note, how to honor the unfolding of life without a punitive clinging to past selves is what Nick Cave explores in a passage from Faith, Hope and Carnage

Instead of the struggles of the younger self to find its true potential, old age offers a different challenge.

At sixty-five, he reflects:

“Then comes the time to reassemble the self, the self you must put back together. You no longer must devote time to finding out what you are, you are just free to be whatever you want to be, unimpeded by the incessant needs of others. You somehow grow into the fullness of your humanity, form your own character, become a proper person — I don’t know, someone who has become a part of things, not someone separated from or at odds with the world.”

I say yes to becoming whatever you want to be but do so while still acknowledging the needs of others. Surely helping others remains a viable path of worthiness for an aging person. As I have discovered, so much of growing older consists of forming compensations for former capabilities.

Finding substitute endeavors for what has gone before can become an exciting prospect if you are open to new, unfamiliar, and engaging challenges.