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    </div><p id="e16f">Remember, we’re aiming for maximum effect today. So if you can get that sliding van door to fully latch after you’ve slammed your hand into it, great! If it locks, creating a wee bit of shock and panic, even better! The pain is worth it.</p><p id="0670">Just remember that you do have to eventually open the door before you can place the wine you just bought inside. You wouldn’t want THAT to go to waste.</p><p id="96f6"><b>Step 3: Pick up the cake anyway</b></p><p id="7f6e">This challenge is part of the fun!</p><p id="64e9">Helpful tip: you may require the assistance of a volunteer driver while you attempt to control the bleeding.</p><p id="a122">Make sure you don’t get anything on your brand new outfit. We’re dressing to impress today.</p><p id="730a"><b>Step 4: Agree to go to the ER when the bleeding won’t stop.</b></p><p id="fedc">Take your partner with you, of course. Stitches will only add a bit of flair to this memorable day!</p><p id="3b4e">You might have broken some fingers too, so don’t forget to ask for an x-ray.</p><p id="43cb">But first, make sure to hide the wine bottles in your car. You haven’t had anything to drink yet, and we wouldn’t want anyone getting the wrong idea like LAST time.</p><figure id="4d60"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*KIdTEGR9bAd_kp0sLXBGcA.jpeg"><figcaption>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@owenbeard?utm_content=creditCopyText&amp;utm_medium=referral&amp;utm_source=unsplash">Owen Beard</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/photos/citiscan-result-hand-ok-DK8jXx1B-1c?utm_content=creditCopyText&amp;utm_medium=referral&amp;utm_source=unsplash">Unsplash</a></figcaption></figure><p id="1594"><b>Step 5: Spend some quality time together in the waiting room.</b></p><p id="3eba">Holy crap, it’s busy. Did EVERYONE decide to come here today? No matter.</p><p id="7105">Check emails as a couple. Realize that your upcoming camping reservation has been cancelled due to flooding — again. Ignore the hospital staff as you research your back up plans.</p><p id="10dd">Bonus points if you neglect to notice that the waiting room is completely full now. And getting worse.</p><p id="9e68"><b>Step 6: Convince your loved one that the o

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vercrowding is really just a great party atmosphereIt’s so stuffed to the gills here that the doctor has to examine you in front of everyone — now we’re really celebrating!Don’t worry. A room will become available. Who cares if it’s just a storage area with a bed thrown inside? You can inform all of the nurses (coming in for supplies) that it’s your partner’s special day, which will result in more well wishes!The party can now be classified as “drop in”.Creativity is key here.Step 7: Remember that your body doesn’t like freezingGood news! Nothing is broken, but you do need those colourful stitches.Tell the student doctor that you require extra anaesthetic. Let them fill your fingers like balloons. Parties need balloons.Accept that even this doesn’t help. Grimace through the pain.<figure id="fac3"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*yBfKmuex8IGicSo3vAG01A.jpeg"><figcaption>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@pineapple?utm_content=creditCopyText&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=unsplash">Pineapple Supply Co.</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/photos/two-pineapples-with-gold-party-hats-near-colorful-balloons-jRAIFF74LUE?utm_content=creditCopyText&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=unsplash">Unsplash</a></figcaption></figure>Step 8: Realize that you forgot to eat all day.You’re now nauseous.Heave over the sink.Step 9: Wow, it’s hot in hereIs anyone else hot? Just me? I don’t feel so good…Step 10: Revive yourself, exit the hospital, and pick up a romantic (err, quick) dinner for twoIt’s 10 o’clock. No one else cares about the birthday anymore. You’ve spent all day in hospital-party central, and now it’s just time to go home and go to bed.But congratulations! You did it! You gave your spouse or partner the most memorable birthday ever! Let’s end on a high note! They won’t soon forget everything you’ve done in their honour……excuse me. You’re snoring.I hope you enjoyed this embarrassing trip down memory lane. Do you have a similar silly story to share? Please comment below!</article></body>

How to Give Your Partner the Most MEMORABLE Birthday Ever!

Another Emergency Room Memoir

Author’s Note: Many of you enjoyed my previous story, “How to Humiliate Yourself at the Emergency Department in 10 Easy Steps”. So, I thought you might be interested in Round 2! ALSO based on a true story. Enjoy!

So…I hear your partner’s birthday is coming up, and you want it to be unforgettable.

No problem! Just follow my simple step-by-step tutorial, and you’ll be sure to manifest a celebration worth talking about for years to come!

Step 1: Make a plan

This year, you’re going to do it right! The pandemic already ruined enough birthdays, and you are not going to let this year get caught in another crossfire!

Let your other half sleep in. Order that ice cream cake. Ditch them to attend your son’s track-and-field meet on the hottest bloody day in May you’ve ever experienced!

Keep in mind that today is no time for shortcuts. Time to go big or go home.

Step 2: Injure yourself in the most idiotic way possible

We learned about this technique in Step 1 of my previous tutorial. You can review instructions here:

How to Humiliate Yourself at the Emergency Department in 10 Easy Steps

(Based on personal experience)

medium.com

Remember, we’re aiming for maximum effect today. So if you can get that sliding van door to fully latch after you’ve slammed your hand into it, great! If it locks, creating a wee bit of shock and panic, even better! The pain is worth it.

Just remember that you do have to eventually open the door before you can place the wine you just bought inside. You wouldn’t want THAT to go to waste.

Step 3: Pick up the cake anyway

This challenge is part of the fun!

Helpful tip: you may require the assistance of a volunteer driver while you attempt to control the bleeding.

Make sure you don’t get anything on your brand new outfit. We’re dressing to impress today.

Step 4: Agree to go to the ER when the bleeding won’t stop.

Take your partner with you, of course. Stitches will only add a bit of flair to this memorable day!

You might have broken some fingers too, so don’t forget to ask for an x-ray.

But first, make sure to hide the wine bottles in your car. You haven’t had anything to drink yet, and we wouldn’t want anyone getting the wrong idea like LAST time.

Step 5: Spend some quality time together in the waiting room.

Holy crap, it’s busy. Did EVERYONE decide to come here today? No matter.

Check emails as a couple. Realize that your upcoming camping reservation has been cancelled due to flooding — again. Ignore the hospital staff as you research your back up plans.

Bonus points if you neglect to notice that the waiting room is completely full now. And getting worse.

Step 6: Convince your loved one that the overcrowding is really just a great party atmosphere

It’s so stuffed to the gills here that the doctor has to examine you in front of everyone — now we’re really celebrating!

Don’t worry. A room will become available. Who cares if it’s just a storage area with a bed thrown inside? You can inform all of the nurses (coming in for supplies) that it’s your partner’s special day, which will result in more well wishes!

The party can now be classified as “drop in”.

Creativity is key here.

Step 7: Remember that your body doesn’t like freezing

Good news! Nothing is broken, but you do need those colourful stitches.

Tell the student doctor that you require extra anaesthetic. Let them fill your fingers like balloons. Parties need balloons.

Accept that even this doesn’t help. Grimace through the pain.

Photo by Pineapple Supply Co. on Unsplash

Step 8: Realize that you forgot to eat all day.

You’re now nauseous.

Heave over the sink.

Step 9: Wow, it’s hot in here

Is anyone else hot? Just me? I don’t feel so good…

Step 10: Revive yourself, exit the hospital, and pick up a romantic (err, quick) dinner for two

It’s 10 o’clock. No one else cares about the birthday anymore. You’ve spent all day in hospital-party central, and now it’s just time to go home and go to bed.

But congratulations! You did it! You gave your spouse or partner the most memorable birthday ever! Let’s end on a high note! They won’t soon forget everything you’ve done in their honour…

…excuse me. You’re snoring.

I hope you enjoyed this embarrassing trip down memory lane. Do you have a similar silly story to share? Please comment below!