How To Get Unstuck, Start Accomplishing More, And Be Happier
It’s time to make some decisions.
I’ve set many goals in my life, and some have actually come to fruition. As I reflect on the ones that haven’t, I realize I may very well have been the problem.
Not for lack of trying, but for lack of deciding.
Now I know better.
While a fair amount of your life may be out of your control, many things are not. Those could fall in the category of lack of committing to the decision or feeling so stuck that you can’t decide.
If you have a few unchecked boxes in your list of life goals, it may be time to evaluate whether they were outside of your control, a result of special circumstances, or if the only thing lacking was your ability to decide.
Delaying or avoiding decision-making can be thought of as a strategy to delay or avoid imaginary negative consequences altogether.
The idea that you may be stuck or unhappy due to your inability to decide may seem overly simplistic, but that doesn’t mean you’re not falling victim to it.
Fortunately, there are a few signs that can help you identify if you are stuck on purpose.
You’re overcomplicating the outcome
If you remain in a state of gathering information and contemplating all scenarios you never have to actually make a change.
Considering and cogitating become a safety blanket, and who among us doesn’t like a cuddly blanket? Generally, humans don’t like change. The primary function of our brain is to keep you safe, which means sticking to what we know to be true and not deviating too much.
But then why do those dreams and desires to innovate pop in every now and then? Because our brain likes that too, creating a perfect storm between staying with what we know, and trying something new.
Bottom line, when you overcomplicate outcomes that could be your very clever primal brain doing its best to keep you safe, a.k.a stuck.
Well played.
You’re skeptical
Skepticism can be good or bad. On the one hand, it leads you to think about things critically and evaluate more objectively. If you’re a person that makes impulsive emotional decisions, the occasional skepticism becomes a healthy protective practice.
However, you may want to take a beat and ask yourself if the feelings are valid or based on truth. Has there been something that happened in the past that is leading you to be skeptical? If the answer is yes, pay attention to that feeling.
On the flip side, your inner doubter may be contributing to an emotional wall that you’re deliberately building to keep someone or something at arm's length.
Why? That’s something to explore as well.
If you’re having skeptical feelings about your partner, they may be distorted and simply a result of you being unwilling to allow the relationship exist and evolve. Without realizing it, you may be bringing some past issues in.
Evaluate your emotions when you’re feeling negative or doubtful and ask yourself, “Is this feeling I’m having based on reality, or is this a story I’ve become comfortable with?”
The answer will help you determine if you’re avoiding new feelings versus wisely processing them. Don’t give your skepticism all the power.
You keep thinking about how things “have always been”
Clinging to the past keeps you squarely out of the present, making it an easy escape from making a decision. There can be many reasons you may be feeling attached to your story of how things have always been.
Lack of self-love, low self-worth, and fear are all reasons you may stay stuck in the past. Sadly, regardless of the why, it can hold you back and prevent you from feeling true joy in the present.
Feeling unhappy or fearful in your present life serves to confirm that your fate is to stay put, just where you’ve always been because things “don’t really ever work out.”
The truth is that you don’t need the jaws of life to pull you out of that toxic mindset, just a few little changes can do the trick and get you back to a clean slate.
- Talk through why you seem to want to stay there. In other words, talk to your stuckness and find out how it’s serving you. Odds are it’s keeping you from making a move, a decision, or changing something because you like where you are. Ouch. Believe it or not, it’s possible on some level, so don’t be too quick to dismiss the idea.
- Talk to someone that loves and cares about you. Being around someone that can confirm what a good person you are and point out your amazing qualities will help break out of those negative thought loops.
“We begin to change the stuck neural pathways when someone we love looks us in the eye and celebrates our strengths and dreams.” — Gwen Dittmar
3. Move your body. Stuckness can actually become stuck in you and moving around can help loosen its grip on you. You’d be amazed what a little dancing, jogging, or just walking outside can do. Feeling more clear and energized will allow you to get centered, allowing for you to make new plans without the burden of worrying about how things never work out.
You don’t really want it that bad
The reason that things don’t move forward for you could also be as simple as you don’t really want them to. It’s easy to espouse new goals and big ideas, but unless you’re totally bought in, they’re just words.
Step one is deciding whether or not you actually want the thing or want to make the change. Knowing that will then take you to the logical next step of making your plan.
If you’re not committed to the new plan, goal, or relationship, you’re staying in a place where you can’t really decide anything. That may be exactly what you want.
You’re just plain tired
Maybe you’re just on overload. Committing to doing something new or pursuing an audacious goal may be too much for your right now.
That’s totally understandable. We all have times when our cup runneth over with tasks and responsibilities and adding one more drop will create a flood and push us over the edge.
If that’s the case, make the decision to not make any new decisions right now. You’re in no condition so it’s better to wait until you’re in a better headspace. Deciding to stay still is also a decision, so don’t be too hard on yourself if you need to hit the “pause” button.
Making a decision to be happy or to believe that everything is going to work out doesn’t mean you are living in denial, being Pollyanna, or wearing rose-colored glasses. It’s being realistic.
Life isn’t easy and everyone knows that. But staying stuck in what you cannot control is a waste of precious time and energy.
Happiness in many cases truly is a decision, and yes, while easier said than done, it can be done.
Here are a few hot tips to remind yourself of that when you feel you’re on the road to stuckness:
- You’re responsible for your happiness and feelings-It’s no one else’s job. If you look outside of yourself for happiness, you’ll always be in pursuit and never feel settled. Decide and choose happiness in spite of anyone or anything else.
- Disconnect from news and social, especially the heavy, depressing stuff. Instead, watch inspiring programs and follow uplifting personalities. Decide to avoid the stress and negativity.
- Distance yourself from negative people who bring you down, complain, or gossip. It will keep you in your lowly funk and you don’t need that. Choose your social circle wisely. Decide to be around people who love you and lift your spirits.
- Don’t wait for your ship to come in, swim to it. You’ll forever be in almost there mode if you believe that “if” this happens, “then” you can be happy. Studies show that the endless pursuit of happiness can lead to continual unhappiness. Decide not to wait, but to pursue your dreams, and set specific small goals, one step at a time.
- You may not have everything, but you do have a lot. Think about what has worked out for you, what you’ve accomplished, and the relationships you have. Decide to focus on the good and you’ll feel better.
Being busy isn’t the goal, happiness is. Don’t let negative people, the sadness of the past, or fear of a certain outcome push that aside, or worse yet, keep you from even trying it.
Choose to feel your feelings while not letting them weigh you down. That might involve getting a therapist or taking some time to sort things out, but that’s ok.
Not every day is going to be joyous and not every goal is going to get checked off, but that doesn’t mean you should dwell in feelings of negativity or lose hope.
Choosing to be happy or deciding what you want in life doesn’t mean you’re ignoring past pain or turning off your feelings, but rather using your brain and your heart in tandem to keep yourself from being stuck or staying mired in your story.
🎉 P.S. More thought candy on 🎧🔥The Badass Midlife Podcast🔥🎧
Juicy midlife topics…with a twist.