How to Get the Universe to Constantly Conspire in Your Favor

Tap into the concept of Post Traumatic Growth.

In 2000, the king and queen of rock climbing were 21-year-old Tommy Caldwell and 20-year-old Beth Rodden. Tommy had just recently completed one of the hardest rock climbs in the country. An equally impressive Beth Rodden had also been the youngest female to complete the hardest grade achieved by a woman at the time. Their youthful faces graced the covers of magazines and to the outside world, they were unstoppable.

No one could have anticipated what happened next.

In June of that year, Tommy, Beth, 22-year-old Jason Smith, and 25-year-old John Dickey embarked on what was to be an adventure of a lifetime. The setting was the 3,000-foot rock walls in remote Kyrgyzstan. Kyrgyzstan had recently emerged as a hotspot for mountain climbing. Unbeknownst to the four young climbers, it had also become a hotspot for militant terrorist groups like the Islamic Movement of Uzbekistan (IMU).

On Tommy’s 22nd birthday, all four climbers were kidnapped by IMU. While kidnapped, another captor who was with them was murdered, and they were forced to march and hide in difficult terrain. Each day was filled with starvation and freezing temperatures. On the sixth day, Tommy seized the opportunity to kill one of his captors and they found their way to the Kyrgyz army compound and ultimately made it back to the US embassy.

Upon their return to the US, Beth unsurprisingly experienced extreme Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) — a condition many of us are familiar with. Tommy on the other hand, would describe how the kidnapping had directly led to him achieving even greater feats of climbing. Now 23 years on, he is still one of the top climbers in the world.

The big question is — why did Tommy and Beth respond so differently to their trauma? How could two people who were both known for being extremely strong emotionally, mentally, and physically have such different outcomes from the same event?

Notably, Tommy’s growth response to trauma is a pattern. In interviews years later, Tommy would frequently describe how traumatic events (such as the kidnapping, accidentally sawing off his index finger, and being told his climbing career was over, as well as getting divorced) were the fuel to greater and greater achievements each time.

One media outlet even referred to it as “Tommy’s magical journey” as though luck was always on his side. This, of course, isn’t the full picture. Getting kidnapped by militants, sawing off your finger, or having your spouse leave you for someone else are undeniably traumatic events. Tommy just somehow manages to capitalize on these incidents and makes it seems like the universe is always conspiring in his favor.

This powerful skill is known as tapping into Post Traumatic Growth (PTG) and research shows that you can tap into it, too. But first, it’s worth diving a little deeper into what PTG is.

What is Post Traumatic Growth?

In simple terms, PTG is the opposite of PTSD. PTG refers to a positive psychological change that results in a higher level of functioning or personal growth following a traumatic event.

Examples of PTG include — greater motivation and outcomes in physical performance, higher appreciation for life, a brand new sense of purpose, improved relationships with others, increased personal growth and spirituality, and renewed hope in the possibilities of life.

The most hopeful part of PTG is that by studying people who suffered trauma such as injuries, natural disasters, interpersonal violence/loss, and medical problems — researchers have actually been able to identify factors that can predispose you to experiencing growth as opposed to dysfunction when you encounter trauma.

Excitingly, there is a growing body of research that shows that PTG is stable over time. This means that the growth you gain from the traumatic experience sticks around and stays with you for life.

So, the main question is — what can you do to create a pattern where trauma leads to growth more often than dysfunction?

Disclaimer: The material contained in this article is for informational purposes only. No part of the text is intended to be a substitute for professional medical and psychiatric advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of a qualified mental health professional before undertaking any action relating to the information you have read in this article.

How to Predispose Yourself to Post Traumatic Growth

I’ve always been one of those people that my closest friends consider extremely “lucky” because most of the unfortunate events in my life often lead to miraculous opportunities. It always made me wonder, “Is it luck? How much can I really affect my good fortune?”

As I was researching this article, I finally got the answer to my lifelong question. Spoiler alert: It is not (just) luck.

In fact, there is a large body of research identifying pre-trauma factors that can effectively predict if a person is more likely to experience PTG or PTSD. Here is a small slice of the factors that especially resonated with me:

1. (A little bit of) pain

One of the concepts in science that fascinate me the most is the phenomenon of hormesis. Reported in literature since the late nineteenth century, it’s the idea that a small dose of something harmful actually provides a beneficial effect as it causes our biological systems to create an adaptive response. The key is that it must be a small enough dose.

Hormetic responses are thought to be critical for evolution as they are widely observed across plant, microbe, and animal kingdoms. Importantly, the hormetic effect seems to be a physiological as well as an emotional phenomenon.

In Tommy’s new memoir, it’s clear that Tommy had received hormetic doses of fear and challenge his entire life thanks to his father. Tommy describes how people thought his father was insane for taking such a small child to the big walls and that he regularly felt scared and excited during his childhood. These constant exposures to smaller doses of fear and danger are what Tommy credits to his ability to tap into PTG.

There is one very important point about the hormetic effect. In an interview, Dr. Anna Lembke (author of the book Dopamine Nation), shares that there is a crucial difference between the feel-good biochemicals you get from exposure to a small amount of pain (e.g. a challenging hike) versus the feel-good biochemicals you get from intense pleasure (e.g. indulging in too much sugar).

She explains that your body is always trying to maintain a state of balance (known as homeostasis). Too much pleasure causes your body to try to rebalance by pressing down on the pain side — causing a dopamine deficit state (e.g. a hangover).

On the other hand, a little bit of pain also causes your body to rebalance, but it does so by activating your body’s natural pleasure response. So, your body never goes into a dopamine deficit state and the feel-good chemicals generally stick around for a little while after. In short, it’s a sustainable way to feel pleasure.

🟢What you can do: Society today provides too much easy access to pleasure while completely buffering any kind of pain. Contrary to what we believe, this is actually bad for our happiness and our ability to be resilient in the face of even the slightest stressor.

Actively seek out small doses of discomfort, fear, and pain in your daily life. Examples are outdoor adventures, traveling, cold showers, and challenging exercise. This will help you to be physically, mentally, and emotionally primed for when an unexpected trauma occurs. As the Dalai Lama says,

“Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.”

2. Strong social bonds and community

Almost universally, irrespective of age, gender, or type of trauma — most studies relating to PTG found that strong social connections were a key predictor of growth. Social connections not only promoted PTG, but it also strongly buffered the effects of PTSD (yes, you can experience both stress and growth simultaneously).

There were two interesting insights from the research. One is that the quality of support correlates with significantly higher PTG than the quantity of support. Two is that the PTG experienced relates to the perceived support.

Simply put, you have to receive care in the way that you feel is valuable to you, and more support isn’t always better if it is low quality. Any teenager who has supportive parents they feel don’t quite “get them” can understand the difference between lots of support and meaningful support.

A further interesting insight from researchers is that people needed both compassion and social safety. This is perhaps why simply being surrounded by kind nurses may not promote PTG in the same way that a pre-existing community of people you feel would continue to provide support would.

🟢What you can do: Here is something that people often forget — just like any other type of safety net, relationships need to be built and strengthened before you can fall back on them. If you don’t have a social safety net, start building it now. It isn’t a question of if you will need it, only a question of when.

If you already have a good community, learn to be better at articulating the kind of support that is meaningful to you. Do you prefer acts of service, empathetic words, or quality time? Help those closest to you understand how you need to be supported.

3. Internal filters — Optimism and openness

A fascinating piece of research I came across was a study where researchers measured the physiological effects of our beliefs. The key things they looked at were how differently blood was moved around the body in response to stress — both in volume and in circulation.

Their conclusion was this — when faced with stressful situations, people performed an internal “appraisal.” Optimists expect a good outcome and often appraise stressful situations as “challenges.” On the other hand, pessimists will appraise the same situation as “threats.” Optimists remain open to new experiences while pessimists will retreat internally.

Irrespective of the appraisal, the body is physiologically mobilized. The difference is that the “challenge” group mobilized the body in a way that helped it to solve problems and make fewer errors while the “threat” group did the opposite.

Importantly, studies measuring psychological and emotional factors also consistently reinforce the idea that the ability to positively reframe trauma is crucial to facilitating PTG.

To use a more relatable event, let’s imagine that Optimistic Oli and Pessimistic Polly both get laid off from jobs they hate. Optimistic Oli takes it as a sign that the universe is stopping her from wasting more years of her life in an environment that didn’t align with her values. She pours her emotional energy into the problem and starts a side hustle that she is passionate about instead.

Pessimistic Polly is devastated and internalizes the belief that she is useless and incompetent. Her emotional energy is sapped from worrying about the future so instead of applying for a better job, she chooses a sure thing — a job she is overqualified for and pays less. The only thing that differentiates Oli from Polly in these situations is the way they chose to appraise the event.

🟢What you can do: The main takeaway here is that your filters matter both before and after a traumatic event. Examine your self-talk today. Do you fixate on negative events or on gratitude? Do you generally feel lucky or unlucky? Are you able to reframe stressful events or obstacles as opportunities? If your filters are negative, it may be an important time to start nudging them in the correct direction.

A useful tool I often use is something called, “The next most believable thought.” If you struggle to tell yourself that your partner leaving you is the best thing that happened to you, the next most believable thought may be gratitude that you no longer have to put up with things that annoy you for another ten years. The nudge after that may be that you might be more motivated to build new and interesting friendships. It’s often hard to switch out a filter completely but it’s much easier to adjust them slowly over time.

“Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change.” — Dr. Wayne Dyer

The first principle of Post Traumatic Growth

In the aftermath of the event — to the outside world — it looked like Beth had eventually overcome her PTSD and achieved PTG as well. Three years after the kidnapping, Beth completed the hardest first ascent on a rock climb by a woman. She had married Tommy and they were the king and queen of climbing again.

I later found out that the story that was presented to the world was not entirely true. Yes, she was climbing hard again but emotionally, she was not happy.

In an incredibly candid and honest article, Beth later revealed that she had never felt a romantic passion for Tommy. That she had, in fact, tried to break up with him right before their trip to Kyrgyzstan but he had convinced her to see how the trip went first.

When he saved her life, she felt obliged to stay. How could you leave the man who saved your life?

More importantly, she no longer had a clear vision of life after the kidnapping while Tommy had a crystal clear one. So, she followed his. Tommy became even more dedicated to climbing. So, she did, too.

All the while, she would struggle with the emptiness of her achievements and the burden of expectations of others. She didn’t feel passion for Tommy, but she was terrified of climbing with anyone else in case she wasn’t perfect enough.

Her story carries the most important lesson about getting the universe to conspire in your favor and that is this — you must have the courage to be honest with yourself and the universe. None of the other factors work if you are not clear on who you truly love and what actually matters to you. In the research, one of the strongest predictors of PTG was clarity of purpose and meaning.

Today, Beth is thriving in a completely different way. When she finally found the courage to admit to herself what she really wanted, she did experience PTG. She married someone she actually felt passion for, learned to love her body, and embraced climbing in a way that actually made her happy.

“The first principle is that you must not fool yourself and you are the easiest person to fool.”

— Richard P. Feynman

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