How To Get Control Over Your Desires (and Get Anything You Want)

As human beings, we are all prone to desires and wants that arise throughout our lives —so much that we often can’t even tell they arise in the first place. We simply think that because the want has entered our mind, we surely must want it; that to fulfill ourselves, to become truly happy — this thing needs to be in our lives.

“Not wanting something is as good as having it. “ — Liad Shababo

The grand realization

Once we realize that our wants have been controlling our lives, the implication is that we have the chance to notice the want arise in our consciousness with a sense of detachment, and to ask ourselves if this is something that we genuinely need. Most times it is not; most times we want and need because we have been conditioned to be wanting in a promise of eventually feeling good about ourselves.

Life happens beyond our wants and needs — when we’re at one with ourselves — often outside of our comfort zone. It is up to us what we want and need, and to know what we want and need we must investigate what we are conditioned to want and need.

An exercise

This is an introspective exercise, investigating the implications of feelings of want and desire. Trust me, this exercise will be worth it.

So take a deep breath. Sit still and think about something that you want in your life. It may be anything; a car, a vacation, being famous, etc.

Think about this thing and feel how the feeling of want arises in your body. Where do you feel it? Is it a magnetic feeling, kind of pulling you toward the thing? Do you feel stressed; a kind of quiet desperation about not having said thing? Take a few moments to dive into the feeling and let it unfold.

Good. Now, instead, create a scenario in your mind where you already have it. Let the scenario be vivid, and feel the confidence that you’ve already achieved the thing in mind. The things needed to get there have been done, you’re looking with the pair of eyes that have done the work needed to get where you initially wanted to be. The more vivid the scenario, the better. Lean into the situation for a few moments and let it be.

How does it feel? Do you feel more relaxed, more at ease in your own body? Do you feel that there are no implications for your being in that state; that you’re at an unshakeable ground and that it has become a part of you to simply be content with what you have?

This illustrates the importance of the will to let go of control, and letting go of your wants; which is as good as having the thing in the first place. The above example is from the law of attraction, where the law of assumption is applied. When we assume being what we initially want — when we feel the quiet relaxation that arises from being what we set out to be — that is when we know that the want has evaporated and we no longer feel the need to struggle and force something forward. The suffering that often comes along with our wanting condition goes away, and we’re free to live the life that we initially wanted — the life that we have settled into through the exercise.

Takeaway

You can have anything you initially want by letting go of the desire to get it. The beauty of having this anything is that you’re also having everything in terms of your experience; focus on this anything so much that it becomes your north star.

We all have the ability to not let wants and desires have power over us. Lack and desire only feed on themselves and make the situation worse. If we can let go of wants; the things we initially wanted will start appearing in our life without the need to struggle. If we can acknowledge this and trust in the process, the puzzle (as far as it is a puzzle) will soon start to fall into place — because the wants and needs are already relinquished in the life that you’re living from this moment.