How to Get Better At Negotiating Even If You Don’t Like It

Five negotiation strategies you can use to get a great deal every time

I used to edit business books. One of the authors I worked with was an expert in negotiation. I was intimidated by the prospect of negotiating a contract with him, but it turned out to be a breeze.

I later learned that he had used several negotiating strategies with our publishing company to close that deal, the most important of which was to approach the deal as a partnership, with the goal of both sides winning.

It’s a lesson I’ve never forgotten.

Negotiating is easy when you understand the process

The fact is I used to dread having to negotiate for anything.

I would hold my breath every time I had to quote a price for a freelance writing project. I approached salary negotiations with something bordering on terror. And I even bought a mattress online just so I didn’t have to deal with a high-pressure salesperson.

But recently, I found myself in a position where I had to deal with an aggressive salesman in a high-stakes deal, and I handled it with ease. All of the techniques I had learned many years ago while working with that author came back to me. They enabled me to avoid falling into a deep financial trap I couldn’t get out of.

Here are the top strategies I used.

Remember that you always have power

One of the reasons I used to hate negotiating was because I felt like I had no power. I knew I wanted something, and I just assumed that I had to use some kind of weird Jedi mind trick in order to get the other side to give it to me.

In reality, that is never the case.

In virtually every negotiation, both sides have power, the biggest one being the power to walk away. Whether it’s a coveted freelance job, a new car you’re dying to own, or a chance to sing at a venue where you’ve always wanted to perform, you can turn it down.

There will always be another freelance job, a different car, another chance to sing. Yes, it may take time or energy to find an alternative, but that doesn’t mean you can’t or won’t. It may even be better than the original.

What if you just don’t want to walk away?

That can happen. Some situations are, in fact, once-in-a-lifetime opportunities. If that’s the case, then you just have to know that you are choosing not to use your walk-away power.

It’s still there. You are simply making the choice that you want whatever you want, even if it costs you more than you want.

And that is okay.

In virtually every negotiation, both sides have power, the biggest one being the power to walk away.

Approach the negotiation as a partnership where you can meet each other’s needs

Negotiations are not a zero-sum game. In most cases, both sides can come out of the deal as winners. That’s because not everybody wants the same thing.

In fact, it is best if you approach the deal assuming that your partner does not want the same things you do.

For example, most people assume that price is the most important factor in every sales negotiation. Yet that is rarely the case.

I bought a car several months ago, and while the price was very important to me, it was far less important to the salesman.

To the salesman, who was young and new to the business, the most important factor was getting a sale — any sale — as long as it wasn’t a loss for the dealership. He wanted to build his reputation, impress his boss and get his commissions flowing.

He wasn’t the only person I had to deal with in buying the car. But I knew he was more invested in me than I was in him. After all, I was willing to walk away from the deal. And both he and his boss knew it.

Listen to learn

How did I know so much about this young man? Did I just assume he was new to the business? No. I listened to what he said on the test drive.

I had done a lot of research, and I knew exactly what I needed to see on the test drive to make my decision. It didn’t take long for me to figure out this was the car I wanted. So I used the rest of the test drive to talk to the salesman about himself.

I learned a lot: He had a young child. He worked two jobs. He had only been with the dealership for three months. He said he liked it, but he didn’t say that with a smile.

I also learned from observation that he preferred communicating by email over the phone and that he responded to my messages very quickly.

I was able to use this information to negotiate the whole deal entirely by email from the comfort of my home.

Even when he used the age-old “I’ll have to talk to my boss” line, I simply emailed back, “Of course, no problem.”

I expected the process to take time, so when it did, I wasn’t upset. Better yet: I spent the waiting time in the comfort of my own home instead of in a dealership.

Do your research

I ended up getting the dealer to shave $3,000 off the price of the car. A key reason for that was because I did a lot of research. I not only knew the value of the car itself but also the value of the sale to both the dealership and the salesman.

For example, the car I settled on was a 2019 model. Since I was buying in early 2020, and the new 2020 models were about to ship, I knew that the dealers had an incentive to move their older inventory.

By searching online and casting a wide net, I discovered that five dealers within a 75-mile radius had the car I wanted in stock. That meant I had options.

Then I simply emailed all the dealers and asked them to give me their best out-the-door price, including everything, itemized down to the penny.

To my surprise, they all did. I then emailed the lowest offer to all of the other dealers and asked if they could beat it. The one I bought from did.

Be honest

To be honest, I didn’t expect all of the dealers to respond to my initial request for an itemized price, and I certainly didn’t expect them to respond to my second request to beat the lowest price offered. After all, I hadn’t even spoken to four of those dealers in person.

But every dealer did make an offer, and three made counteroffers. I believe there were several factors why.

First, I made it clear that I was prepared to follow through on the deal. I told them I was going to buy a car. I was also honest about the fact that the price was my priority. I said it didn’t matter when or what color I bought, but I did intend to buy a car when I got a good price.

Second, I was completely upfront with them about the fact that I was shopping around.

I said, “As you know, buying a car is a huge expense. Naturally, I want to get the best price. This is the car I’d like to buy, and I know you have it in stock. Would you give me your best, itemized out-the-door price, so I can compare it with other local dealers who have the car on their lots?”

I’m often surprised by how unwilling many people are to simply share the truth. They feel they have to hide the fact that they’re shopping around or that they want something done in a certain time frame. They fear that if they share what they’re really doing, they will somehow lose in the process.

That is rarely the case. More often than not, the other side will appreciate knowing what parts of the deal are important to you, especially if they can meet your terms or if certain factors are non-negotiable.

In the car example, I didn’t need to buy a car that day, week, or month. I could take as much time as I wanted. I also didn’t need to have that car. I liked that car. I wanted that car. But I was willing to walk away.

By communicating those facts to the salespeople, I showed them that they could trust me when I said the bottom line for me was the price.

Sometimes we fear telling the truth because we don’t want to disappoint the other side. Nobody likes to be the bad guy. But again, it’s better to be upfront than to lead the other side on.

I told the salesperson who took me on a test drive that I appreciated his time and fast responses to my questions. I said I enjoyed dealing with him, but that I was going to have to shop around because the price was the most important factor for me.

Salespeople assume you’re doing this anyway. So why do we feel guilty admitting it? If you say it nicely, the salesperson will appreciate your honesty.

The same principles apply to both sides

Years ago, I had an opportunity to be a ghostwriter for a book. I wanted the job, and frankly, I needed the money. But as I went through the interviewing process, I learned that this author was not used to doing any research for himself. In addition to writing his book, he wanted me to do all the research for him, too.

This was okay with me, but the time frame was an issue. He wanted me to complete the whole project in three months. I knew that wasn’t possible.

I told him, “I want this job. The money would be great. But I know I can’t finish the work in the time frame you want. Can you be more flexible on the timeline?”

He said no. And I didn’t take the job.

It wasn’t easy saying no. In fact, when I asked him about the timeline, I actually assumed that he would be flexible. Unfortunately, it turned out I was wrong.

I was disappointed that I didn’t get the job. But because I retained my power to walk away, I didn’t get into a situation I couldn’t handle.

In the end, I realized there was no way for both of us to come out as winners. And that is my baseline criteria for all negotiating situations.

Like this story and want more? Sign up for my newsletter now!

You may also like: