How to Get a Liar to Stop Lying and Start Telling the Truth

Summary

The article discusses strategies for dealing with a compulsive liar, emphasizing acceptance over judgment and attempts to change the person.

Abstract

The author shares their personal experience with a relative who frequently lies about both minor and significant matters. The article outlines two primary approaches when faced with a liar: trying to change their behavior through judgment or acceptance. While the initial instinct may be to confront or even torture the liar to elicit truthfulness, such methods are ineffective and often lead to more deception. The author argues that accepting the liar for who they are, without judgment or anger, is a more practical approach. This acceptance does not equate to condoning the behavior but acknowledges the inability to control or change it. The author concludes that understanding a liar's consistent dishonesty as part of their identity allows for a more peaceful coexistence.

Opinions

The author believes that attempting to change a liar through confrontation or torture is futile and counterproductive.
It is suggested that a liar's behavior is consistent and predictable, which can be preferable to the unpredictability of inconsistent behavior.
The author emphasizes that accepting a liar's behavior is not the same as approving of it; rather, it is a recognition of one's own limitations in influencing another person's actions.
The article implies that a liar may also be deceiving themselves, indicating a deeper psychological issue that is beyond the scope of external intervention.
The author has reached a state of peace by accepting the liar's behavior as an intrinsic part of who they are, relieving themselves of the burden of trying to change the liar.

1. Judge this person and try to change them

Okay, so this person is a liar. Maybe you can convince them to see the error of their ways. Perhaps if you yell and shout they will finally change!

As a last resort, there is always torturing the individual into submission. But torture tactics do not elicit the truth. The person simply tells you what they think you want to hear.

2. Accept the person for who they are.

Accepting the person means deciding that you are not going to change this person, no matter how hard you try.

When you think about it, at least the person who lies has consistent behavior. You know what to expect: dishonesty.

It took me too long to realize that if they are lying to me, they are probably lying to themselves.

Why would a liar be truthful about lying?

So I now accept the person for who they are and the behaviors they exhibit.

I do not judge the person for the behaviors they engage in because lying no longer defines them as a person in my eyes. I do not get angry, Googling ways to change this person.

An acceptance of the behavior does not mean condoning it. Moreso, it is an acknowledgment that I cannot control it. I cannot help this person“see the light.” they must do this themselves. And maybe they don’t want to. This person’s lies are their truth.

And that is fine.

How to Get a Liar to Stop Lying and Start Telling the Truth

Psychological tricks, mind games, torture is the last resort.

When encountering a liar, there are two choices.

1. Judge this person and try to change them

2. Accept the person for who they are.

Why would a liar be truthful about lying?