How To Gain Self-Respect, For Real
A Previously Unknown Formula That Always Works (Self-Respect Series #1)
People have low self-respect because they have been kept in the dark as to what it is, and how to get it.
Myself, I could not have told you I felt positive about myself or had a ton of “Self-Respect” growing up. Not if I was being honest.
I spent many long years struggling to have self-respect, and what I eventually discovered to unlock this subject changed my life. And I would like it to change yours as well. Enough is enough, after all.
Warning: we will start kind of dark as we look at reality, but then we will make it light and enjoyable as we wake up to some great simplicities. Kind of like my coffee this morning.
You Are Not Here For My Story…
I struggle with how much to say on a public forum like this, but maybe it’s enough to say that I made some mistakes in my young life that I am not proud of. Vague enough for you?
We all make mistakes of course, but ultimately I found that I had to move on from mine (if I could).
I struggled for years, hid my feelings from others, and just buried myself in the business world.
It was not until I ran across a very simple secret about self-respect, which allowed me to finally work out how to let go of my past and become proud of who I was in the present, that I could finally grow.
I call it a secret, but it was buried in plain sight. But first, we have to look at where we are now…
Nothing To See Here.
I traveled extensively with my family till I moved out on my own, and then even more for business after this.
Having dealt with my fellow humans in all levels of society, from the streets of Moscow to a restaurant in a little strip mall in Malaysia, please allow me to let you in on a little taboo knowledge: hardly anyone has full and healthy self-respect.
Not the CEOs, not the average Joe or Jane on the street.
We are all just people, millionaires and gurus along with receptionists and salespersons. We think they are different because they often display such positive attitudes and encouragement to others, and they are successful.
But in reality, they also wonder what other people think of them, and even plan their lives around what people might think.
“Do they think I look fat? If I suck my tummy in when I walk, will they think I am attractive? Is that girl smiling at me invitingly, or is she laughing at me? Why was that person such an ass to me?”
They just hope that at the end of their life, someone will appreciate that they existed.
A cop is standing at the entryway to every human’s heart and mind, redirecting traffic away from the wreckage and saying, “Move along, nothing to see here.”
As I said above, most people do not even know what self-respect is. But you will, very shortly. First let’s look at how and why, then I promise we will get into what.
How Is This Happening To Us?
Without blaming anyone let’s just acknowledge one fact about our education: They did their best, but they failed us miserably.
Epic fail. In the 80’s we would have said, “Whoa dude, failure to the MAX!”
I am old.
But the fundamental point of education was completely missed.
How can I say this? Because no one knows or is ever taught what self-respect is, how to get it, or even that it is a valuable goal to go after in life!
And guess what? There is nothing more important in life than self-respect.
Why Though?
You might have an issue with me saying this. You could say that there are quite a few things more important like 1) helping others, 2) your relationship to God (if you are religious), 3) family, or 4) leaving a legacy.
Yes, those are all important, maybe even central to living well in this world.
But what if you have all of those things, but you secretly think that you are just trash as a person?
How will that affect your ability to help people honestly, serve your God or be with your family and pass on a legacy to them… if you are miserable and constantly full of regret and self-doubt?
You may think your family, your mission, or your God will give you the strength you need to keep going, but what if that strength is being poured into a fragile shell full of holes?
Life without self-respect is just a misery to get through, instead of a journey of new and exciting experiences taken with people who loved us.
Mike dropped.
Wait. So Then What Is Self-Respect, JW?
I am glad you asked, made-up-but-completely-interested-person. I looked long and hard, read all the books, and tried all the principles. I had mentors and guides, people I looked up to that helped me through things. But none of this could give me self-respect.
I felt empty and pretty much a fake at everything I did. All my accomplishments were tinged with my doubts. Was I a good person? Did I deserve to get paid for what I did? Were the awards well earned?
This lasted until I finally happened upon the secret, almost by accident.
I decided on a whim to see if the secret to self-respect could be found by looking up and finding the best definitions of the words themselves.
The search wasn’t easy, and I went through every dictionary I owned, and many I didn’t. This is something you have to search for to even find a good definition.
And then I found it.
The True Definition
If you look up self-respect in most places, you will see how it talks about having confidence and pride in yourself, blah, blah, blah. Same old stuff you have heard preached at you a million times before. Those definitions do not unlock the subject.
So there must be something missing there. And there was!
We first have to find out what respect is, so we can then find out how to have it for ourselves. It is SELF-respect, after all.
And then, one fall day, this is what I found:
Respect: If you have respect for someone, you have a good opinion of them. — Collins Cobuild Advanced Learners Dictionary
Self-Respect is having a good opinion…of yourself.
Reflect On This
This is something you can begin to work with! Not following yet?
Ok, let’s break it down. Think about it. If you respect someone, you have a good opinion of them. You admire their character, you think they are doing good things in life, and maybe you want to be like them someday.
So what does this look like? Here are just some examples of respecting yourself, although not by any means the whole list of possibilities:
Admiring a character trait of yours
Feeling good about your work ethic
Being proud of your accomplishments as a parent
Sometimes pondering how happy you are that you chose the right priorities in life
Giving yourself mental high-fives about choices you made
Putting This Into Practice
First, you need to become clear on what things you respect for real. And then, you build a plan for how to grow, cultivate and sustain these things in yourself.
And then you get to work.
As you grow these things in yourself, it is amazing how your sense of self, confidence, inner peace, etc. all begin to grow.
Seem too simple? Don’t knock it till you try it. What have you got to lose?
Two short exercises
Exercise 1) What do I respect? Write down a list of people you respect. Then after each name, write why. What is it about this person that makes you have a good opinion of them? Look this over. Take any time you need on this.
This exercise will teach you, deeply, what things you have a good opinion of. You may admire someone because they work so hard, and others may respect someone because of their value of family first. Work this out for yourself in detail, and be honest. No one is watching but you.
Exercise 2) How can I respect myself more? Using what you learned above, write down a list of traits that you need to have (or have more of) to respect and admire yourself. What are they? Write each one down.
Now, take each item from your list, and write up a short statement of a plan of how you can work to increase this in your life, starting today.
Example: I admire hard workers. Starting today, I will begin to wake up 30 minutes earlier (eventually 1 hour earlier) to figure out and then work on my top priority in life.
Or: I want to be a great writer just like (insert author you respect), so I will begin writing every morning for 1 hour.
Is There More To This?
Yes, of course, there is. I don’t even claim to know all there is here. This subject could be as deep as the subject of the human mind itself!
But this is just Self-Respect 101. I have more on this coming out in a series, if people seem to be interested enough in it (let me know if you are).
Start here, and do the above. Begin your learning process, and get through some of the initial hurdles before we begin a more advanced look at this topic in a later article.
If no one told you this was even possible before, I apologize on behalf of everyone. I got here as soon as I could.
Endings and Beginnings
People have low self-respect because they have been kept in the dark as to what it is, and how to get it.
I believe in giving people the keys to themselves and their future, and just seeing what they do with it. I can teach you how to drive, but can’t tell you where to go.
This is the ending of this article, but it can be the beginning of your journey into self-respect. Expect a bit of hard work, learning, some confusion, and even frustrations, yes, on your path.
But at the end is the promise of a shining sunrise in your heart and mind that signals the beginning of a new day.
Please start looking this over for yourself, and let me know your results. I am interested to hear what happens! Are you interested in going deeper on this, and getting into more advanced parts of this topic? Let me know in the responses!
Thank you from the bottom of my heart!