‘How to Fix Your Entire Life Following These Steps’ Self Help Hoax

Camouflaging your cracks until you’re too broken

You held onto that literary elixir like a lifeline. The freshest promise from Barnes & Noble’s shelves. That’s when you bumped into me. “Sorry,” you said, barely looking up from those first captivating lines.

“Excuse me, where’d you find that?” I asked. You pointed it out, right there, obvious to anyone but me.

There it was, ‘How to Fix Your Entire Life Following These Steps’, sitting right next to ‘10 Steps to Your Flawless Self’.

The woman beside me snatched up one copy, too. She was already clutching ‘Become Your Best Self in 100 Easy Steps’ under her arm. It appears she was fully commited.

In the checkout line, I noticed you again, looking anxious, like you couldn’t wait to dive into your ‘precious’.

The Illusory Honeymoon

The next few hours go something like this: You begin to use your non-dominant hand for everything. Meanwhile, in your other hand, the book sprouts veins, nails, and even hairs. Pages flip incessantly, their words devoured voraciously, each line highlighted as though sacred.

Who the hell needs the Bible, the Quran, or the Rig Veda when you can live by these words?

You’ve visualized, affirmed, and followed the prescribed routines to the letter.

Turns out, countless paths to betterment were trodden by your eager feet.

After all, these experts held the keys to a better life. Why not learn from them and try to be ahead of ourselves?

‘But it works, you’ll see’ you think to yourself.

There were improvements, sure. Your newfound positivity and determination gave you a bit of a boost. You felt on top of the world. But then again, drugs have a similar effect, just to put things in perspective.

You’ve been promised your life would look smooth and unblemished — at least on the surface. So far, so good.

A few weeks down the line…

The Bittersweet Epiphany

Isn’t it funny? How this relentless stream of positivity can actually breed such deep resentment within you? A kind of resentment that whispers ‘failure’ in your ear at your most vulnerable moments.

Those times of doubt, of unshed tears, of feeling like you’re gasping for air…

You choose to supress your true feelings, pretending to be okay even when you’re not. Steam building up inside.

You couldn’t fathom it. You did everything right, followed every step, repeated all those mantras, built your vision boards. Still, something was off.

You feel exhausted, stressed, and lost.

What happened to the promise of a smooth and unblemished life?

You shut your eyes and let your fingertips probe the outer layer of your existence. There they’re. The cracks — hidden beneath coatings of enamel and pretense. Quite a make up. You wonder how come you hadn’t noticed them before.

You can fool your eyes, but not your skin.

You blame yourself.

‘F*ck self-help! F*ck it!’

You throw away your last buy, something along the lines of ‘Overnight Metamorphosis: Wake Up as a New Being by Morning’ — hopefully not a cockroach.

Then you look at your altar of c̶h̶e̶r̶i̶s̶h̶e̶d̶ despised books.

‘How to Fix Your Entire Life Following These Steps’ rears its ugly head. It gives you nausea just to read the title. You can’t get past those lines on how to keep camouflaging your cracks until you’re too broken.

Facades can only stand so much weight.

That’s self help hoax in a nutshell. Self help turned self delusion.

You’re done with this shit…

A couple of days later, just a few blocks over…

The Newfound Prey

A weary passerby is trudging home from a grueling day at work. His only thought: to collapse on the couch and escape into mindless relaxation. Lost in his thoughts, he walks along, barely aware of his surroundings until a red light halts him.

Something catches his eye, a whisper from the ordinary. A book, or so it seemed, half-buried in refuse, in a trash can near the traffic lights. The visible part of the cover read ‘How to Fix Your Entire …’.

No way.

It can’t be it.

His excitement is palpable. He’s been eyeing that exact book since its release, waiting for a price drop he could justify. It must be his lucky day. Without hesitation, he retrieves it.

He hasn’t noticed the cracks yet, he’s still too awed by the book’s glossy pages. You yearn to warn him. But you hold back.

With time, he’ll see it.

Life’s true lessons are often learned, not taught.

I know the pain of those cracks all too well…

Years ago, I couldn’t cope with the pressure. I’ve mentally plastered my walls with sticky notes, reminders of who I was supposed to be, what I was supposed to do.

I wanted to ‘upgrade’ myself so badly.

Just like you, I pondered the possibility of a smooth, unblemished life.

I had collected a few versions of ‘How to Fix Your Entire Life Following These Steps’ books and articles. I never got to finish one. NOT one. As a matter of fact, I could barely go 30 pages in.

This is how most of them read,

‘Are you tired of the mundane, ordinary life you’ve been leading? Well, you’re in luck, because I’ve got the ultimate, life-changing, galaxy-altering advice for you!

Step 1: ‘Wake Up and Smell the Self-Assurance Coffee!’

First things first, ditch that snooze button and embrace the sunrise with open arms. Make sure your daily mantra is something like, ‘I am a manifestation of pure potential’. Repeat it until you believe it or your coworkers give you weird looks.

Step 2: ‘Vision Board Your Way to Stardom!’

Grab your glitter and glue! Find pictures of private islands, luxury cars, and a leaner version of yourself (Photoshop can help). The universe listens to arts and crafts!

Step 3: ‘Master the Art of Affirmationception!’

Say your affirmations while standing on one leg, blindfolded, and juggling flaming torches. No, seriously, affirmations are powerful. Tell yourself you’re awesome until you believe it, and soon, even your pet goldfish will be inspired by your confidence.

Step 4: ‘Become Besties with Your Inner Child!’

Remember when life was simple, and you could eat cookies for breakfast? Well, channel that inner child because they knew how to have fun. Swing on swings, build a fort, and occasionally eat cookies for breakfast (guilt-free).

Step 5: ‘Embrace the Art of Gratitude, Grasshopper!’

Practicing gratitude is crucial. Make a list of things you’re thankful for every hour of the day. If you can’t find anything, well, be grateful for it, sort of.’

How exactly is Self Help failing you?

I’m not saying all self-help tips are useless. However, the issue lies in the one-size-fits-all mentality, the sense of urgency, and the rigid, almost military-like prescriptions. This approach transforms a potential journey of self-exploration into an oppressive task.

Here’s where it falls short:

• Dependency Culture: A lot of self-help content keeps you hooked on the books, programs, or gurus, rather than empowering you to trust your own intuition.
• Neglect of Professional Help: In some cases, self-help material discourages seeking professional help for mental health issues, which can be harmful. It’s as if they are your be-all, end-all solution.
• Apparent flawlessness: Self-help content can inadvertently create unrealistic expectations for personal growth and happiness, leading to feelings of never being good enough.
• One-size-fits-all approach: Self-help has become an assembly line of premade solutions. A cult, dare I say, of demoralized souls striving for flawless perfection. This approach denies the beauty of our individuality, and hence, the power of authenticity. It silences unique self-expression, reducing us all to mere items on a universal to-do list.
• Way too much pressure: Self-Help can become too pressing with its imposed milestones and create a feeling that you’re falling behind something.

The Ultimate Redemption

Seeking help stems from a strong desire for improvement, a signal that something in life isn’t fulfilling. But this formulaic approach often misses the mark, failing to address the deeper, more nuanced aspects of personal growth.

I’m not gonna tell you how to do self-help, because I don’t have all the answers. But I’ll tell you what I believe self improvement really is and isn’t about.

Self Improvement is about:

• self acceptance
• learning to love your authentic complexity; be true to yourself
• peace of mind, often disturbed in the relentless pursuit of an imposed ideal
• contentment, easing the pressure on yourself. You don’t have to outshine anyone. There’s nothing and no one you’re obligated to ‘become’
• daring to face your own darkness, even if it initially sets you back — true glow comes from within, and it can’t happen when your shadows are locked in a chained safe, weighed down by an anchor to the depths of your being. These shadows, they’ll surface, inevitably
• building emotional resilience
• nowness
• taking care of yourself

Self Improvement is NOT about:

• trying to be somebody else, or craving things you don’t really want but think you should want, or doing anything just because it’s part of a step-by-step guide — these paths lead you away from your true self
• external markers of success; growth is deeply personal. The real measure is how content and at peace you feel within. That’s the only metric that truly counts

You don’t even need to become a better you. The best version of you is already there, embedded deep within.

You’re already everything you can and will ever be.

You embody both the reality and the potential. It’s about unearthing your true self — that’s the best you can ever get.

And no, I’m not offering a step-by-step guide here. Such steps won’t inherently bring you contentment. Frankly, steps only work for me when I’m following a recipe or putting together IKEA furniture.

Personal development isn’t a set of instructions to follow; it’s a journey of self-discovery.

My best piece of advice?

Subtract, don’t add

Lighten your load.

Avoid piling on rituals, tasks, affirmations — especially if they weigh you down. Cast off what hinders your authenticity. Release the pressures and unrealistic expectations.

Embrace the self-help strategies that genuinely aid you, and let go of what doesn’t resonate. Peel back the layers to reveal your true essence. Surrender yourself to life, to the constant learning-unlearning loop. Look inward.

It isn’t about reaching a final destination. It’s about the continual path of discovery.

Here’s what’s been a game-changer for me in learning to reconnect with my true self. Maybe some of it resonates with you, maybe not:

• A soul gripping book
• Moments spent in nature
• Indulging in hobbies that light me up
• Keeping up with friends and family
• Honing my craft, like writing
• Stealing moments of stillness and silence in my day
• A few deep breaths every now and then — whenever I remember, truth is
• Openness to new experiences, especially if they’re intimidating
• Taking care of myself
• Tuning in to my feelings, doing some shadow work
• And yes, being genuinely grateful makes a difference— the way I go about this is simple: whenever I find myself in one of those ‘life is good’ moments, I take the time to silently express my thanks

It’s true that some self-help advice can really change your life for the best— that’s actually how I found my way back into writing. But the really good ones are not just a bunch of ‘do this, do that.’

They tend to be powerful stories, personal tales, essays that hit close to home, articles about getting through tough times, or realizations that make you see things differently.

They give you those ‘aha’ moments about how to turn things around for the better. They show you how they do it. And make you experience the feeling.

Real growth starts within. There’s nothing new about that.

Seeking guidance is perfectly ok, and even necessary at some point, but the profound shifts happen when you look into your shadows, celebrate your uniqueness, and embark on a journey of rediscovering yourself, on your own terms.

Thanks for reading! Have a great day!