How to Fix a Relationship You Ruined [10 Steps]

If you’re reading this, there’s a good chance you ruined your relationship and want to know how to fix it. Congratulations on being brave enough to face your mistakes and try to make things right.

Relationships are hard. They take work. Sometimes we make mistakes and ruin them without even realizing it. If you’re lucky, your partner will be understanding and forgiving. But if you’ve messed up, you might need to do some damage control to fix the relationship you ruined. Here are 10 steps that can help:

1) Admit what you did wrong

This might feel like the hardest part, but once you admit that something was your fault, it becomes a lot easier to move forward with fixing the problem. It’s also important for your partner to hear this from you directly instead of them having to guess at what happened or why they’re upset in the first place.

Once they know exactly what happened, they’ll be able to understand why their feelings were hurt and have a better idea of how best to move forward together as a team rather than two people who just happen to live under one roof.

2) Apologize profusely and mean it

The most important thing to remember is that you must truly mean your apology. It’s easy to say what people want to hear until they’re satisfied and you can go back to doing whatever it was that made them mad in the first place, but that doesn’t fix anything. Your partner won’t even be able to tell whether or not you mean it, but they’ll be able to feel it. And that’s what counts.

When apologizing, don’t just say sorry because saying sorry doesn’t mean anything unless there’s an explanation behind it as well.

3) Don’t bring up the past

It may seem like this is the time to talk about all of your partner’s past mistakes, but it isn’t. Save that discussion for another time. Now is not the time because you’re trying to rebuild trust and show them that you’re trustworthy.

If you start to blame your partner for everything, they might walk away feeling like it’s more important for them to talk about all of their wrongdoings rather than work on the relationship.

4) Stop blaming your partner

The best way to start is by taking responsibility for what happened in your relationship instead of blaming your partner or yourself for everything going wrong.

Take full responsibility for your actions. If you’re apologizing, it’s because you messed up and did something wrong. If you try to blame your partner or claim that it was their fault, they’ll never feel like they can trust you again. Accept responsibility for what happened without trying to deflect the blame onto someone else.

If you want this relationship to work out, then both of you need to take some time apart from each other so that neither one of you feels pressured into making any decisions right away. This will give both of you time to think about what went wrong and why before deciding if this is something worth saving or not.

5) Be honest about what went wrong

Remember when we talked about blaming? Well, now is the time where we talk about being honest with each other! Instead of pointing fingers at each other, try talking through what went wrong together so that both parties understand where their mistakes lie within their actions towards one another.

It’s important to get to the root of why something went wrong before trying to find ways to fix what went wrong. This will ensure that this problem is fixed once and for all instead of just letting it happen again in the future.

6) Promise that it won’t happen again

Saying “I’ll try not to do it again” simply isn’t good enough. If you’re apologizing, you need to promise that you won’t make the same mistakes in the future. Of course, this is easier said than done because everyone makes mistakes, but your partner deserves a guarantee.

7) Change your behavior

The best way to prove to your partner that you won’t mess up again is to change the behaviors that made them mad in the first place. If you cheated on them, then you need to stop speaking with everyone of the opposite sex and start taking actions to rebuild trust — something like going to counseling or attending a 12-step program together might be helpful.

If you didn’t communicate with them, start telling them exactly what’s on your mind. If you did something else entirely, then come up with a better solution to the problem so it won’t happen again.

8) Keep the lines of communication open

This is one of the most important steps in rebuilding trust. If you stop talking about what happened and start treating your partner like they’re fragile, it could make them feel like they can’t open up to you anymore.

You need to understand that every time they bring up something from the past, they’ll be re-experiencing what happened. Making an effort to acknowledge their emotions and validate them is important for this process.

9) Be willing to be wrong

It’s going to be a challenge for you to let go of the need to always be right, but that’s something that will cause problems for you and your partner down the line. Everyone makes mistakes, which is why it’s important to not only apologize when you’re wrong but also to understand that you might be wrong from time to time.

Being willing to have your opinions challenged will not only teach you how to better communicate with your partner, but it will also show them that you’re willing to put their needs ahead of your own.

10) Love unconditionally

The last step in rebuilding trust is accepting that your partner might not be the same person that they were when you first got together. They might have changed, you might have changed, everything’s different now. Love them anyway.

It can be difficult to rebuild trust after it’s been broken, but the only way to do so is if both of you are open and honest with each other. The more you’re willing to put your partner’s needs ahead of your own, the more likely you’ll be able to trust them again.

Take away

Have you ruined a relationship before? Share your experience with us. We want to hear from people who have been in this situation and can offer advice on how to fix it.

You may be able to help others avoid the same mistakes, or at least know what they’re up against when fixing their relationships. If that sounds like something that interests you then please share below.

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