How to Find Your Perfect Therapist (Without Wasting $1,000s)

And red flags to avoid

Talking therapy is one of the best investments you can make. I recommend it to everyone.

I’ve been seeing my therapist on and off for the past 5 years. She’s helped me unpick my brain and work through trauma — both past and present. And I can honestly say that working with her has changed my life.

She’s helped me:

• Feel worthy of love
• Leap into self-employment
• Contact my biological dad for the first time

In the past 12 months, I’ve faced burnout, a breakup, and family cancer scares. I’m also in the process of buying my first home.

My therapist is my rock.

Before we find your perfect therapist, here’s why talking therapy is one of the best investments you can make.

Disclaimer: This article isn’t meant to serve as medical advice. These benefits are based on my own experiences.

Benefits of Talking Therapy

#1: You spit out your poison

“It’s okay to feel nervous. Just start when you’re ready.”

I breathed in the aromas and looked around the room. The softness of the furnishings. The hazy light of candles.

“I don’t know who my dad is,” I stumbled, “and I think it’s affecting my relationships.”

The words tasted uncomfortable.

My new therapist sat there, writing on her clipboard. There was no emotion on her face. It wasn’t unkind, though. She looked up for me to continue.

I went on to tell her things I’d never told anyone. Not knowing my dad. Social anxiety. Being afraid of love. Once the doors opened, I rambled on and on.

I released my shame.

Benefit #2: It’s all about you

I was reading Tatler in the waiting room when she called me in. This was our third session.

“How are you?” She asked.

“I’m good, thanks. How are you?”

She smiled. “We don’t need these niceties. You wouldn’t be here otherwise, right?”

I smiled back. It wasn’t a trick but a reminder these sessions were about me. I didn’t need to ask about her life.

As a people-pleaser, this was difficult. My body urged me to ask questions. But for one hour, the conversation was all about me.

And honestly?

Not thinking about your conversation partner is liberating.

Benefit #3: Talking reveals blindspots

“What’s your dad's name?”

I paused, placing my glass of water on the table. “I don’t know…”

It wasn’t the not-knowing that shook me most. It was that I’d never thought to ask.

This is just one of the countless blindspots she’s helped me uncover.

How to Find Your Perfect Therapist

Here are my suggestions:

1. Google “therapists near me”
2. Browse websites and directories
3. Look at the professional’s area of expertise. My therapist specialises in childhood trauma, so I thought we’d be a good fit.
4. Take a look at their testimonials and check out their social channels. Are they male or female? Can you see yourself working with this person? Do they offer face-to-face sessions? Can you afford their rates?
5. Give them a call. Most therapists will offer a 10–15 minute free phone consultation to determine whether you’ll be a good fit.
6. Take the plunge! The first session is usually where you’ll spill your guts. After that, you’ll likely dig deeper.

You may get lucky like me and find your perfect therapist on the first try. It might take a few goes.

Don’t give up.

Red Flags to Look Out For

I only know these red flags because some of my friends have experienced them:

1. A therapist who tells you about their life. Remember, therapy should be about you — not them. I know my therapist’s name, and that’s about it.
2. A therapist you feel uncomfortable with. You’ve got to trust this person with your soul. Listen to your body.
3. A therapist who clock-watches. If they seem more interested in booking your next appointment than genuinely helping you, get out of there.

What If I Can’t Afford It?

Here are some alternatives to talking therapy:

1. Try Julie Cameron’s Morning Pages exercise. Basically, you open a notebook and start writing whatever pops into your head. Zero filter. Aim for three pages a day to clear your brain’s sludge.
2. Use a free service like Samaritans. Their trained volunteers will listen to your struggles, and they do brilliant work. I volunteered with them for three years whilst studying at university.
3. Pay attention to your emotions. Instead of scrolling through social media, scan your body.
4. Try the following books (they’ve all helped me in some way):

• The Angry Therapist by John Kim
• Models by Mark Manson
• Awareness by Anthony De Mello
• The Art of Asking by Amanda Palmer
• The Magic of Thinking Big by David Schwartz
• The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman
• The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson

Embrace it.

I know that revealing your deepest, darkest insecurities to a stranger feels excruciatingly uncomfortable. But I strongly believe that if you can afford it, talking therapy is one of the best investments you can make.

Today could be the start of a brand new life for you.

“For what it’s worth […] it’s never too late to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit. Start whenever you want.”

— F. Scott Fitzgerald

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