How to Find More Joy Right Now
10 habits to help rediscover your joy for the rest of this year
Now that we’re more than halfway through the year, I’m hoping your 2023 is living up to expectations. I mean 2022 was a bit of a dud. So much expectation; not much delivery.
If you found 2022 hard, please let me assure you, you weren’t alone. After two years of lockdowns (it had been four for me), we were more than ready to get back to living life as ‘it used to be’. Maybe though last year, and maybe even the first part of this year, hasn’t delivered. Maybe it was just that we’re all exhausted. And that takes time to process.
The daily joys we took for granted seemed to have up and walked out of our lives. I’ve no idea where they went — they just left.
Hence, I’ve spent quite a bit of the last 12 months looking for my missing joy and ways to bring it back into my life. Below are 10 ways I discovered and then experimented with to reclaim joy in my life.
Those experiments now form the basis of a heap of habits I’ve made the key focus for this year.
The 10 Habits for More Joy
1. Practice daily gratitude: When I first started my pilgrimage to find my joy, I thought my life was a bit sh*t. No, that’s a lie. I thought my life was a lot sh*t. However, somewhere along the line, I decided that I would challenge that belief. Turns out I was wrong — d’oh!
Once I began starting my day, yep, before doing anything else, by listing things I was grateful for, I found more and more things. I started with a list of just three — the key being I had to find three different things from those I wrote down yesterday. Then challenged myself to find 10. And now there are days where I can routinely find 12–15 things I’m loving about my life. Try it, you won’t look back.
2. Schedule regular time on something that brings you joy: Whether it’s spending time with loved ones, engaging in a hobby, or volunteering your time, make an effort to do things that bring you happiness and fulfilment.
I’m doing a class on painting with acrylics (let’s just say I wasn’t a painter) and each class made my head hurt. But…I create something I’m surprisingly proud of each week. Who knew! But the trick is to get the time into your diary. Otherwise, if you’re anything like me, it probably won’t happen. And, once it’s in the diary, you’ll find it hard to bail out of it.
3. Journal to wrangle your negative thoughts and emotions: It’s natural to have negative thoughts and feelings from time to time, but it’s important not to get stuck in them. And boy was I stuck in them. I found that the best way to start moving on was by dumping all the nasty, negative thoughts down on the page each day, to get them out of my head, to see what would emerge. Turns out I was full of anger.
But, each day I journaled, it got less and less. Journalling was a little like I was sharing the burden left over from a life-changing accident with a friend. If journaling isn’t your thing (although try it before dismissing it), you can try CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy), meditation, or walking (or kickboxing) when the thoughts feel overwhelming.
4. Make sleep a major pillar of your health: This one gets a lot of air time but often not a lot of deep thought. It was hygiene factor stuff in my old life — I figured I’d do it later. Since my life-changing accident nearly five years ago though, my sleep health has been front and centre in my life.
Now, I must get 7–8 hours of good sleep each day or I’m rubbish. And I know what good sleep looks like for me (I’ve tracked it via my watch — thanks to the SleepWatch app). I’m more careful with what and when I eat too, because too much food too late at night or spicy food/alcohol for/with dinner, means crappy sleep. If I don’t move my body, at least a little each day, I don’t sleep as well — yep, it’s all linked.
Why does sleep feature in a piece on joy? Because if you don’t sleep well, then it makes experiencing joy on any given day just that much harder. Like in the adult storybook by Adam Mansbach, Go the F**k to Sleep! And if you need a bedtime story, try the Calm.com app.
5. Say yes… to new things: Trying new things helps keep your life interesting. Plus if you schedule it, it gives you something to look forward to (and that’s half the battle with joy). Whether it’s exploring something new in your home city, trying a new hobby (like my painting), or maybe something like trying a new recipe can find you your joy.
I made Indian butter chicken from scratch the other night; grinding and blending spices. Whilst it was a lot more complicated than I thought it was going to be, there was a moment when I was so deeply invested, the smells wafting around the kitchen were gorgeous and I felt at one with my bliss. Go figure!
6. Be in nature (or even just outside): Hanging out with trees has been shown to positively impact your mental health and well-being. But maybe the park, the ocean, a lake or snowy mountain or desert is more your thing. Whatever you’ve got access to, go spend time outside. But really invest your time well — look at the colours, concentrate on the smells, focus on the sounds. The greater your focus, the more likely you’ll find joy there.
Hint: leave your phone at home (or at least in the backpack/car/away). For me, it’s the ocean — the smell, the sounds of the waves and gulls, the endless colour changes, and the rhythm of the waves crashing over the sand. It soothes my soul just being there. And when I return home, because I’ve spent time there, I’m more likely to find joy in other things too.
7. Practice being kind: Make an effort to perform small acts of kindness on a regular basis. The research states that small things like opening doors, offering to carry something for someone, holding a lift door, paying an expiring parking meter, or giving someone a compliment will not only make someone else’s day, it will very likely lift yours.
Why? Because it elevates you to being someone who helps others in your own mind. And as a bonus, you’ll also likely receive a big smile from the other person — an instant heaped helping of joy.
8. Leave your comfort zone: Yes, yes, I know the books say a lot of your growth comes from making it through hard times — which make us want to run in the opposite direction. But personal growth, however it comes about, can also bring a sense of accomplishment and joy.
In my most recent painting class, I had to create my first-ever human portrait. I could have played it safe and painted a still-life vase, pot, or mask. But I’m all for pushing myself — besides, it was painting, not brain surgery. What was the worst that could happen — some humility and a waste of paint? What I discovered is that painting a person’s face was mindbogglingly hard. My brain hurt.
For most of the two hours of class, it looked like I was painting something akin to a cadaver. But I kept painting. At the end though, I stepped back and oh, my, I had painted a woman — who mostly looked like I’d tried to paint a living human. So when something hard challenges you to step up, embrace it. You might just end up with something that takes on a life of its own.
9. Monotask when you eat: Seriously, think back to the last time you ate something. What else were you doing? I’d hazard a guess that you were scrolling on your phone or binge-watching something, or working at your desk. Do you remember what you ate and what it tasted like? In detail? I’m guessing not. And no, it has nothing to do with menopause brain.
I used to eat like that. Then I’d be surprised I’d finished my food and then, because I’d missed it, I found something else to eat. Sound familiar? The research shows that when you monotask around eating food, not only does the food taste better, you’re likely to feel fuller after eating it too, and possibly eat less to boot.
10. Nurture meaningful close relationships: The research on this is astounding. If you want to live longer and healthier, find yourself a a great close relationship. It almost doesn’t matter with whom. It could be your kids, your spouse, your bestie, your parent, your neighbour.
Having someone who gets you has a huge impact on your overall joy and well-being. The research shows the happier you are in your relationships at 50, the more likely you are to be healthy at age 80. Loneliness and isolation is a killer. Find yourself somebody to love and cling to them like a limpet (well, maybe give them a little space).
Nah, you really just need to practice nurturing that relationship and spending time face-to-face whenever you can (or by Zoom if they’re geographically dislocated from you).
I wish you well.
Kristin Austin — Writer always! Mother forever. Wife until death parts us — altho some days that might be sooner rather than later ;) Lover of good food, friends & cocktails. Recovering from a life-changing injury. Still learning. Hire me to help build your business and/or revenue. Kristinaustin.com
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