How to Fight Our Biggest, Oldest Epidemic — Fear.
Who’s afraid of the big, bad wolf? Not us!
There’s a lot of epidemic talk now, but not enough about the one that hits us every day. Call it what you will — anxiety, stress, worry, unease, panic, dismay, doubt — but remember this…
“Fear is not real. The only place that fear can exist is in our thoughts of the future. It is a product of our imagination, causing us to fear things that do not at present and may not ever exist. That is near insanity. Do not misunderstand me danger is very real but fear is a choice.” ― Will Smith in the film “After Earth”
Funnily enough, the first epidemic, Corona, and its spin-off show, the economy, can help us. Plenty of fear running around these days, no? It’s a great opportunity.
First, let’s understand how fear takes over. Always best to know what you’re up against.
“We suffer more often in imagination than in reality.” — Seneca
Fear hits us twice, psychologically and physically. Our thinking triggers it and our body makes sure we feel it.
All the information we take in from the outside — images, sounds, tastes, touch, smells — does not go straight to the cortex. (The cortex is the ‘thinking’ brain that we are all so fond of.) It’s first channeled through a much older part of our brain — the limbic system.
When the limbic system detects a significant threat, a signal goes out to both the cortex and the amygdala (part of the limbic system).
‘Significant’ in limbic language means it matches or is like an item on your list of possible dangers. This list started the moment you were born and whatever you feared as a two-year-old, or any other age, is still on it.
This is going to create problems.
On top of it, a detail or a mere resemblance can also set off fear. For example, the color shirt you were wearing might make you uneasy when you see it again. Or a close physical similarity like a snake and a rope could jolt up fear.
If your cortex saw what the fuss was about, it would probably laugh. But the cortex doesn’t get to see it. The cortex takes a few seconds to come up with its response. The amygdala, the brain’s swat team, acts in a fraction of a second. Guess who wins?
Once the amygdala takes over, it’s buh-bye thinking brain. The amygdala pumps out hormones to put us on high alert. And boom! We’re short of breath, heart racing, have cotton mouth, break out in a sweat, and… can’t think straight. Jazzed up on adrenaline, the cortex can’t put the pieces together very well.
Want to know more? Check out the information here and here. It’s the ole fight-or-flight response. Super useful response when you need to hightail away from a tiger, aka a real and present danger. Not so effective in modern life where tigers are limited to boxes of Sugar Frosted Flakes.
Babies arrive with two pre-programmed fears: falling and loud noises. We learn all the other fears, some for good reasons, some not so good. Most modern life fear-triggers arise from stress, worry, and emotionally fraught memories.
My own fear training.
I know the last one well. My mother was a rule-a-holic. Rules gave her a feeling of stability and control missing in her off-kilter childhood home. This meant her rules were based on fear, not logic.
Oh boy.
There were rules for drying the dishes, how to dress, expressing emotion, all activities. My brother and I called her the warden.
Siblings take on different roles in the family. “The Pleaser” went to my brother and I adopted “The Rebel”. I blithely entered adulthood thinking I was a free spirit. “I am NOTHING like my mom, no sir, not me, nope, nope, nope.”
“Oh really?” said my amygdala. Bam! Bam! BAM!
Alas, my free spirit existed only in my imagination. Underneath my Holly Golightly act lurked a fear minefield much like my mom’s. One day I’ll tell you my late-night cat litter bag lady story. But let’s get started.
4 Ways to ease your fear and anxiety
There’s one thing to keep top of mind:
You can’t logic your way out of fear. No amount of ‘sense’ is going to convince your brain and body not to go into meltdown. If you arm wrestle with your fear, fear will win.
Got it? Great. So, what can you do?
Always Breathe. Take a few slow, deep breaths. Deep breathing stimulates the vagus nerve and launches the parasympathetic system. It can push back the hormonal flood you’re battling. Instant relief but often not long-lasting.
Shake It out How does fear feel to you? Kinda tight and tense right? This makes it difficult for you to calm down. You’ll need some oomph to dislodge it.
For a quick fear release, make noise, chant, or shout. Low, guttural sounds work well, like some Native American and Tibetan chants. Plenty of them on YouTube, have a chant-a-long.
Movement is a good addition — stamping, flinging, pounding. Anything that discharges energy helps. But the sound is key. If you move, use sound too.
Not someplace where you can stamp and grunt? Surround yourself with sound instead. Again, consistent, low vibrations work best. A Tibetan bowl with a low tone, deep, slow drums, ocean waves, or ASMR are possibilities.
“Fear is only as deep as the mind allows.” — Japanese Proverb
Use Your Senses to Return to Your Senses Unless you are dealing with the aforementioned tiger, your fear is visiting you from the past or future. If you can stay in the now, most fears fade away or at least step aside.
Groan. Eye roll. OK, guys, I’m not talking about mediation, though honestly, it’s a great tool. You can use your five senses instead. They exist exclusively in the present moment. After all, you can’t touch something yesterday or hear tomorrow’s conversation, right?
Select one of the five senses and focus on it completely. Make it the only thing that exists. Revel in it. You’ll feel fear slide into the background.
For example:
Touch. Feel your clothing on your skin, your feet on the floor. What are your hands resting on? Pick up something. Close your eyes and ‘see’ it with your fingers.
Smell. Find a calming essential oil or fragrance. I wish they could bottle ‘sleeping cat’. Wouldn’t that be great? Until then, use essential oils like lavender, patchouli, ylang-ylang, neroli, lemon, bergamot. Scents are intensely personal. Discover what works for you.
You can combat fear with a scent-prompt. Do something you like and smell a fragrance at the same time. After a while, your brain will automatically associate the scent with feeling good. Then, when you’re under pressure, breathe in that fragrance to soothe your mood.
Listening. Listen to the sound around you. Hear wordlessly. Even ‘noise’ can be surprisingly beautiful.
Sight. Find something pleasing or absorbing to look at. Truly experience it for the first time. The sky, a piece of jewelry a, tree… take it in without words.
Taste Or do the same while eating or drinking.
Coming back into the present moment means we live in the here and now and not what we fear might happen later.
Ground Control. A simple exercise.
This one is particularly good for free-floating / generalized anxiety or panic. It goes like this.
Lie down
Tough, huh? Lie on the ground outside if you can. You must be on a solid surface; it doesn’t well work on a bed.
Have as much as your body touching the ground as possible. Put your feet 18 inches apart, your arms slightly away from your sides, palms up.
Close your eyes and breathe. Feel yourself completely supported, like you are sinking into the earth.
Visualize, sense, imagine, feel your fear draining into the ground.
Place your hands on your abdomen and say, for example –
“I am releasing this fear from my body. Deep within the Earth plants become oil, coal becomes a diamond. Now my fear, too, transforms into something valuable.
Then relax and breathe for at least five or ten minutes. When you’ve finished, place your hands on the ground, say some words of thanks, and gently return to your day.
That’s it for now! In article two I’ll tell you about getting help from your subconscious, the brain’s fear accumulator. And how to call on friends in high places to do the work for you.
Let’s compare notes! Share your experiences and questions in the comments. Or you can reach me at [email protected].