How to Feel Valued in Relationships

Summary

The website content discusses the importance of feeling valued in relationships and offers strategies for fostering mutual respect and appreciation.

Abstract

The article "How to Feel Valued in Relationships" delves into the human desire for recognition and companionship over material possessions, emphasizing that love and belonging precede self-esteem and self-actualization in Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. It suggests that to cultivate close relationships, one must actively express honest praise, maintain an attitude of gratitude, consider what makes oneself feel valued, and remain authentic. By doing so, individuals can inspire reciprocal behaviors in others, leading to a sense of being valued and fostering a supportive and nurturing environment. The article also cautions against one-sided relationships where effort is not reciprocated, advising that self-worth should not be compromised.

Opinions

The author posits that genuine praise is crucial in showing others their worth, whereas flattery is insincere and ineffective.
An attitude of gratitude is presented as a key component in encouraging others to continue their positive actions and behaviors towards you.
Reflecting on what makes oneself feel valued can guide individuals in providing similar gestures to others, thereby promoting a culture of mutual appreciation.
Authenticity is highlighted as essential for attracting people who will respect and encourage personal growth and happiness.
The article emphasizes the importance of self-value and warns against prioritizing relationships where the effort is one-sided, as this can diminish self-worth.

How to Feel Valued in Relationships

What is it that you want out of life? Like really and truly want out of life? Most people think that the answer to this question involves material objects like a nice house, fancy car, a vacation home in the tropics and so on. But the real answer to this question doesn’t involve material items at all. At the end of the day, we as humans want to be valued.

Recognition, acknowledgement, attention, but more importantly love and companionship are far more important to us than the fancy material objects that most people answer the above question with. According to Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs, we actually seek love and belonging before we seek to raise our own self-esteem. First we seek to meet our physiological needs such as food and water, then we seek safety, then love and belonging before self-esteem and self-actualization.

With that in mind, a logical question is how do we “win” friends and have close interpersonal relationships with people? It certainly isn’t going to just happen for us without a certain amount of effort being put in. People aren’t going to give their love and respect without first getting it from you.

Offer Honest Praise

We need to show people what they mean to us. Do they have a talent or skill you admire? Did they do something that you think is cool? Do you like their outfit? Tell them! A little can certainly go a long way here. The old phrase “flattery will get you nowhere” applies. People appreciate praise, they don’t like an ass kisser.

Attitude of Gratitude

When we are truly grateful for the things that people do for us or say to us, that attitude is contagious and people will want to do more for you. For example, when my daughter offers to make dinner and I display legitimate gratitude for the offer and accept it, she is more likely to offer more often because she feels valued. If I were to just expect her to cook dinner regularly because she is a member of the family and should be helping out, she either won’t help or she will do so grudgingly and neither of us will feel valued.

Think About Yourself

Sounds totally counterintuitive right? Think again. When you stop to think about what makes you happy and feel valued, you can then inject those things into your relationships. Do you like it when someone writes you a little note? Buys you a coffee? Smiles at you for no apparent reason? Do those things for the people around you and you will notice a shift. People will start doing them for you in return.

Be True to You

At the end of the day, always be true to yourself. Stay true to your values and the right people will love and respect you for who you authentically are. Your vibe attracts your tribe, and despite how much we want to be valued, we need to value ourselves to be valued by the people who will encourage and foster our growth and happiness.

Note: Always remember that the people who truly value us will reciprocate the effort that we are putting into the relationship whether it be familial, friendly or a romantic partner. If you find yourself putting effort into any relationship only to have that person keep taking and never giving, stop. You will lose your sense of self-worth, and that is the last thing we want. Don’t make someone a priority who barely makes you an option. Being valued starts with valuing yourself.