Summary

The article discusses the concept of inner security, emphasizing that true security comes from within and is not dependent on external circumstances such as housing, wealth, or relationships.

Abstract

The author of the article shares personal experiences of living without traditional forms of security, such as home ownership or a stable pension, to illustrate that security is an inside job. Despite life's uncertainties, including potential displacement from a rented beachfront flat and the unpredictability of self-employment income, the author argues that external factors cannot provide genuine security. Drawing on the example of Raynor Winn's book "The Salt Path," the author suggests that even in the face of significant losses, individuals can find security from within. The article challenges the common belief that security is derived from possessions or status, highlighting that even billionaires worry about losing their wealth, which contradicts the idea that money equates to security. Ultimately, the author posits that recognizing the internal source of security allows individuals to live without fear and enjoy their lives more fully.

Opinions

The author believes that security derived from external sources like homes, relationships, or money is vulnerable and can be lost, leading to insecurity and worry.
The article suggests that personal experiences of loss and vulnerability have reinforced the author's conviction that true security is independent of one's living situation, job stability, or health.
The author uses the story of Raynor Winn to demonstrate that even when all traditional markers of security are stripped away, one can still find a sense of security from within.
It is the author's opinion that the belief in external security is akin to a child's reliance on a security blanket, implying that such beliefs are placebos rather than true sources of security.
The article conveys that understanding the internal nature of security can lead to a more liberated and fearless approach to life, allowing for a lighter enjoyment of life's experiences without constant fear of loss.

How to Feel Secure When You Have No Security

Because security doesn’t come from where you think it comes from

I have no security.

None

When I lost my house (no fault of my own, but that’s another story) in 2014, renting was the only option, and so we decided that if we had to rent, we would rent somewhere fabulous.

And for the last seven and a half years, we’ve been renting a flat that needs refurbishing, but we love it, and the biggest bonus is that the apartment is on the beach.

A beautiful sandy beach.

The landlord could decide he wants to sell any day, and we’d have to leave. No security here.

But, right now, as I type, I can glance up at the sea. And when I want a break, I can walk down a few steps and put my feet on the sand.

No security work-wise either. I’ve been working as a full-time coach since 2011 and am proud and pleased that I’ve been able to support myself (and others occasionally) since then.

But I am, to use cringe-making jargon, of a certain age. I have no pension or savings and no guarantee of what money comes in each month.

No security there either.

Health wise, no one is secure, and I’ve had cancer twice, so I know first-hand that health isn’t secure.

So when I tell my clients that security doesn’t come from anything on the outside, they know that I mean what I say.

I am walking the talk. But how about you?

Where do you think security comes from?

I have to admit to the occasional shitty shit moment but luckily, knowing that security doesn’t come from anything outside me means that I don’t fall into the shitty shit pit.

You might believe that your security comes from a house, a relationship, a good job or money in the bank. But if you believe this, you’re always vulnerable to worrying that you will lose your security.

People, like me, lose their house for a variety of reasons, a relationship can end, you can be made redundant from your job, and you lose your money.

But you can never lose your security.

In her book, The Salt Path, author Raynor Winn writes about how she and her husband lost their home, their business and livelihood in their fifties and, as her husband is diagnosed with a terminal illness, his health. Everything they believed represented security was swept away.

They decided to walk the 630 miles of the South West Coast Path in the UK from Somerset to Dorset, wild camping, and living on pennies. During their journey, they found that security comes from the inside and not from a house or money.

Many research studies chart how billionaires worry every morning that this might be the day that they lose their money now; that doesn’t sound very secure?

Maybe you think that if you have enough money, nothing terrible can happen to you? The money will wrap a security blanket around you and those you love. Sadly, that isn’t the case.

You may remember the Sri Lankan bombings on Easter Sunday in 2019?

The Danish billionaire Anders Holch Povlsen lost three of his four children when the luxury hotel they were holidaying in was blown up.

You can’t lose your security

But what do I mean when I say that you can never lose your security, that you’re always secure?

Because your innate security is part of you, like confidence, it cannot be touched or taken away.

If you’ve ever known a child that has a security blanket that they have to hold or stroke to self soothe, or they scream the house down if you can’t find the only toy that they can sleep with, you know that the security blanket or toy have a placebo effect on the child.

The child perceives the blanket or toy as security and believes that their happiness at this moment depends on having the blanket or toy at hand.

As an adult with a young child, you might be happy to go along with this because, after all, it doesn’t hurt and keeps the child happy, but you don’t for a minute believe that the child’s security comes from the blanket or toy.

So why do you believe that your security can come from anything on the outside? It might feel different to you; a house isn’t a blanket, is it? But it only looks like that to you because you believe your thought in the moment that you have to have a house to feel secure; you’re experiencing the thinking you’re in.

Have you ever had an ex from when you were a young teenager that, when you were together, you believed that you couldn’t live without? If you weren’t together, your life would be worthless, not worth living. Your security depended on that person. Are you still with that person now? Kudos if so, but I’m guessing that isn’t the case.

Your security isn’t dependent on anything on the outside, and isn’t that wonderful? When you know that you’re always ok no matter what happens on the outside, you can move forward without fear.

Believe me, I understand that no one wants to lose their house or their job, and if you’re in a happy relationship, of course, you don’t want it to end. You can enjoy your house, job, and relationship with a lighter heart if you’re not constantly worried that you might lose any of these things.

And if you do lose the house, the job or the relationship, you might be sad. You might be bereft.

You might feel insecure because at this moment, you’re having insecure thoughts, and so, of course, that’s how you’ll feel.

Until thought changes.

When you let go of the insecure thoughts and allow yourself to notice new, fresh thoughts, your feeling of insecurity will fade because it isn’t real.

Insecurity, like security, comes from the inside and not from anything outside. Knowing where security comes from is freeing.

And you might end up living on the beach.