How to feel more worthy

In order to build a life you can thrive in, you have to believe that you’re worthy of every good thing you’ve ever dreamed of.

by: E.B. Johnson

We are only as good as we allow ourselves to be. Self-worth plays such a big part in setting the stage for the future we build. When we believe in who we are and what we can do, we climb mountains that lead us to our higher selves and our higher sense of joy. When we fail to believe in our fundamental right to thrive, however, we can find ourselves struggling to find our feet in an increasingly chaotic world.

Are you someone who struggles to see your inherent strength and beauty? It’s time for you to build up a strong foundation of self-worth so that you can empower yourself to move upward and forward in your life. No one can give you the family, or the job, or the home that you want. No one can provide you with happiness or rewrite the narrative you’ve been stuck with. You alone have the power to do this, and it begins with cultivating undeniable self-worth.

We’re all worthy of happiness.

Though we are all worthy and deserving of happiness, many of us lose sight of this fact and settle for less than we want. Those with a history of pain and heartbreak can come to see themselves as damaged goods, walking the world with a burden of insecurities that erode any positive strides they attempt to make. This corrupted sense of self corrupts our happiness and our ability to feel joy. To get our lives back on track, we have to believe in our inherent right to thrive on our own terms in line with our own values.

There’s a pretty big difference between self-worth and self-esteem. Self-worth is overarching and the foundation of our personal belief and motivation. It’s knowing in your core that you have a right to be okay. Whereas self-esteem is a more specific and outward based state of perspective.

For example, a high self-worth an acceptance of self as a whole. Whereas our self-esteem is usually tied into our comfort in our looks, our skills, or the material presentations we provide. Think of narcissists who exude a massive sense of self-esteem, but struggle with low self-worth and insecurities which make them toxic. In order to build true and stable self-esteem, we have to first establish a strong-as-steel foundation of absolute and total self-love and self-compassion. Know in your heart that you deserve to thrive and you will.

The consequences of low self-worth.

Living with a low sense of self-worth is no small thing. It brings with it a number of toxic habits and side-effects which can undermine our long-term happiness and the goals we’re trying to achieve. There are consequences to not valuing yourself, and the only way to prevent them is to see them for what they are.

Perfectionist habits

The person with a low sense of self-worth often finds themselves dealing with a continued pressure to perform. They can become perfectionists who are highly critical of themselves, and who push themselves further than they need to go. While our society tends to laud these types of behaviors, perfectionist tendencies can be toxic and lead to burnout and disrupted relationships across the board.

Self-loathing

More often than not, our feelings of low self-worth lead to feelings and ideas of self-loathing. This happens when we not only fail to believe in ourselves, but we actively begin to believe that we are deserving of bad things. With this narrative laid out in our minds, we engage in self-sabotaging behaviors which further confirm the worst thoughts we have about ourselves. We might jump into toxic relationships, take jobs we hate, or otherwise destroy ourselves through decision and inaction.

Extreme sensitivity

Those who are suffering are those who usually deal with extreme sensitivity. Do you crumble whenever you’re confronted with negative feedback from the world around you? Do unexpected stimuli put you on edge? The insecurity that plagues us makes us hyper aware of criticism in any form. Negative thoughts have a way of making us obsessively believe the worst. In turn, we find ourselves lashing out and self-destructing.

Conflicted relationships

Relationships in any facet require us to come to one another, open and confident as we are. We can then reflect off one another and complement one another, but when we come to each other insecure — it leads to major conflict. You can become needy, accusatory; you can jump to accusations and expect the worst. Having happier relationships requires that we are confident in who we are, and aware of the value we bring to the table.

Endless anger

Anger is a powerful emotion, and it’s one that can come from a sense of injustice and a place of hurt. Struggling with low self-worth, we often become angry at ourselves and angry at the world. This endless anger eats away at our ability to see opportunities and our ability to connect with others. We start to lash out and self-sabotage, all in the name of punishing ourselves and a world we don’t feel well enough to be a part of.

Tendency to please

People pleasing is a common side-effect of those who are dealing with a corroded sense of self worth. Feeling as though you aren’t good enough to stand up for yourself or get what you want, you start to put the needs and desires of others above your own. You shut down and shut out your true self, all in the name of seeking some sense of worth or validation from others (instead of looking for it from within).

The best ways to cultivate value of self.

Learning to value yourself isn’t something you’re born with or without. Our self-worth comes as a result of a process, and this process requires us to figure out what we want, reshape our personal beliefs, and drop our endless comparisons. Then, we can remove the paralysis and start to believe in who we are and what we want from our futures.

1. Figure out who you are

It’s impossible to honor or value your worth when you don’t even know who you are or what you want from your life. We have to be clear on what it is that means most to us, and what makes us happy and fulfilled. Only when we know who we are can we identify our strengths and our weaknesses, so we can accept ourselves and excel authentically. Building up self-worth is primarily an introspective process.

Before you force a ton of fake love on to yourself, spend some time figuring out exactly who you are. Take a full inventory from the ground up. Temperature-test your emotions. Question your relationships. Consider your career, relationships, and even your family. What means the most to you in all of these categories? Within that, who are you right now? Who do you want to become?

You have to question your deepest, darkest self in order to figure out who you are. Find the power to embrace all of your needs and your desires, as well as your flaws and your strengths. Establish clarity on what the ideal future looks like to you. Build up a vision and build it in stone. You know who you want to be, and you know who you need to be. Find the middle ground, and open your arms to that person. That’s who you’re supposed to be, and who you have the power to become.

2. Reshape your beliefs

The beliefs we hold about our lives and ourselves are such a crucial part of everything we’re doing in every moment. Our beliefs are the assumptions and expectations we come to form of the world around us, and they are informed by our experiences and in life and in love. When those beliefs are small-minded or limited, we have to reshape them in a way that creates a more encouraging narrative for us to build on.

Take some time to analyze the belief systems you exist by. What have you come to assume of your closest relationship? Your career? The world at large around you? If all of these answers border on the negative or antagonistic, it’s imperative that you find a way to reframe them into something more positive.

Instead of believing in a world that’s out to get you, believe in a you that’s strong enough to tackle anything that comes your way. When you feel confident in your ability to thrive, you’ll lose focus on all the small upsets and setbacks ahead. We’re all just doing the best that we can. Believing the worst of ourselves won’t help improve that. Stop your negative beliefs. Question them. Then replace them with a positive value.

3. Take back personal power

Our personal power is such a central part of who we are, but many of us give it up in the hopes of being validated by the outside world. Perhaps we’ve given it away to a toxic partner who always needs to be on top. Or perhaps we’ve sacrificed it to a large and superficial friend group. In order to extract ourselves from beneath the thumb of those who would have us settle for their dreams, we have to see our worth and take back our personal power.

You have a right to lead a life that is completely defined by you. No matter how much you love someone — or how much they’ve done for you — you’re not beholden to someone else’s picture of happiness. Take back personal power for yourself and reclaim enough space to see the value of your dreams.

Set boundaries. Find your backbone and say “no” more often. It’s okay to stand up for yourself. You (and your emotions and perspective) are just as important as anyone else’s in this world. You deserve to be respected. You deserve to be heard, valued, and seen. Anyone who can’t respect that is not someone who needs to be in your life in any real capacity. Embrace your power and know that it’s okay to stand up for yourself.

4. Indulge in self-care (and self-love)

It’s so easy to get caught up in the hustle-and-bustle of everyday life and completely forget to see to ourselves and our needs. We have a million deadlines and responsibilities to see to, and it can seem as though things only speed up just when we want to slow down. It’s hard to love yourself when you’re being pulled in so many directions, but it’s something you have to do in order to cultivate solid, unwavering self-worth.

One of the best ways to develop this self-love is by engaging in the act of self-care. More than just massages and days out, true self-care allows us to turn inward and rest both our bodies and our minds in a healing manner. It’s re-charging our batteries on multiple levels and giving our emotions an opportunity to process and still themselves.

Build up a regular self-care practice that gives you time just for you. Spend it doing things that nourish your body, but also do things that nourish your spirit. You should walk away from every self-care session feeling better than you did before — on the inside and the outside. Your thoughts should be happier, your burdens should feel lighter. It’s a necessary boost which allows you to look at yourself in the mirror and say, “Hey — you’re not so bad.”

5. Give the comparisons a break

More often than not, our low sense of self-worth is perpetuated by our insecurities. These insecurities, in turn, are fed by the endless comparison traps we allow our minds to fall into. We look at others and think, “Why don’t I have that,” or “Why am I not doing that,” and it completely destroys our authentic sense of self and direction. You must give the comparisons a break and understand that all of us have a unique journey to undertake.

Stop expecting to claim the same happiness and the same victories as those around you. Your value is not determined by scoring the same goals as someone else who is playing an entirely different. We all have different journeys, no matter how similar some of our experiences might be.

Look to those who have accomplished what you want to accomplish and see their victories as inspiration — not law. There are too many variables in your life to copy someone else’s success. End the comparisons. Each time one comes to your head, stop it in its tracks and find something good about you to celebrate. Repeat this practice until the celebrations become second nature and the comparisons are little more than a distant memory.

Putting it all together…

In order to build lives that are aligned to our joy, we have to honor ourselves and see the worth in our power and presence. Lacking in self-worth leaves us vulnerable to things like low self-esteem, conflicting relationships, and even self-loathing and self-sabotage. In order to lift ourselves up where we’re supposed to be, we have to find ways to love ourselves and cultivate a foundation of self-worth that enables us to thrive.

Figure out who you are and what you want from your life, then you can get clear on what means the most to you and what you value within yourself. Self-worth must be carefully nourished and cultivated, not unlike the act of gardening. Reshape your beliefs and get rid of those negative assumptions which are allowing you to stay small and insecure. Take back power for yourself and know that you have a right to forge ahead in any way that works for you. This life is yours and yours alone. Fall in love with yourself and do it by nurturing your body and spirit through self-care. Then, find better ways to drop and replace the comparisons — so you can focus on celebrating a journey that is yours. Once you get yourself back on the right track, you’ll see just how worthy you truly are.