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But I learned to forgive. I learned to practise empathy and understand the 7-year-old, I knew she hadn’t intended to hurt Betsy. We never told her that Besty died but I am sure she would have been mortified and filled with remorse for a long time. That idea of empathy, the understanding that people have different values, priorities or ethics and behave in different ways has always helped me to forgive. I did not believe in carrying grudges, life was too short to be resentful.</p><p id="b8f5" type="7">That same idea of empathy and forgiveness was also the reason I stayed in abusive relationships</p><h2 id="1ccb">Abusers use forgiveness against you</h2><p id="ff7a"><i>“You are not being fair, people make mistakes!” “Come on, that was ages ago, have you still not forgiven me?” “I said I was sorry, what more do you want?”</i></p><p id="3167">These are some of the things my ex would say when I got upset about his behaviour. When you are in an abusive relationship, the concept of forgiveness can quickly become a weapon the abuser uses to keep you trapped. The idea that you must forgive them is like permission to continue with the abuse. Lundy Bancroft, who has worked with over 2000 abusive men writes:</p><p id="7386" type="7">“My clients demand forgiveness while continuing to insult, threaten, demand immediate responses, attend only to their own needs, and more.” (Why Does He Do That? p. 217)</p><h2 id="f5de">Forgiveness requires remorse</h2><p id="9234">I always thought forgiveness was unconditional. Although I am not religious, I was brought up going to church and reading the bible. The concept of forgiveness I had was influenced by the phrases and sermons I had picked up at a young age. <i>“Bear with each other and <b>forgive</b> one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. <b>Forgive</b> as the Lord forgave you.” </i>I thought it meant that you have to forgive everyone and anyone no matter what they had done. But there is one point I never knew: This idea of forgiveness is based on the assumption that the person I am forgiving shows remorse.</p><p id="c92b" type="7">Overlooked in common Christian understanding of forgiveness is the necessary part of repentance by the wrongdoer. John McKinley</p><p id="d22c">One of the most difficult concepts to understand after <a href="https://readmedium.com/13-signs-i-dated-a-narcissist-44d1db6ee3e4">my relationship with a narcissist</a> was that there are people who are incapable of feelin

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g remorse. He never apologised or cared about what happened to me. When he left, it was as if he had turned off a switch, his new victim was all that mattered and I never existed. Part of me was hoping for a long time that I would receive an apology. But I know that it will not happen. Although I understand now <a href="https://readmedium.com/how-a-narcissist-prepares-you-for-the-abuse-6383e7c92873">how abusive he was</a>, in his mind, he has done nothing wrong. <i>He does not seek forgiveness.</i></p><h2 id="5d37">Forgive yourself</h2><p id="46a4">I don’t think I need to forgive him to lead a happier and healthier life. I do not believe that forgiveness is part of the healing process unless it is directed at myself. <i>Forgiving yourself is key</i>.</p><p id="7171">Forgive yourself for not seeing it, for staying longer than you should have. Forgive yourself for moments you were weak and for moments when you might feel week again. Forgive yourself for ways you have behaved or things you have said. Forgive yourself for all the things you feel remorse over. Forgive yourself for never being able to forgive those that show no remorse.</p><h2 id="2210">More from Kara Summers:</h2><div id="b84b" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/do-you-feel-like-you-are-constantly-upsetting-your-partner-b1e9f5fcd6df"> <div> <div> <h2>Do You Feel Like You Are Constantly Upsetting Your Partner?</h2> <div><h3>Make sure you aren’t the one who is the real victim.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*7hsqJBnmFY3IjI7k)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="fc43" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/a-day-in-the-life-of-a-toxic-relationship-ffb487a213ec"> <div> <div> <h2>A Day in the Life of a Toxic Relationship</h2> <div><h3>Many don’t recognise narcissistic abuse when they are caught in the middle.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*ul7zBaj8k26PDM4k)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

How to Evaluate the Effectiveness of Your Business Coach

In this article, we will discuss how to assess the quality of your business coach and make sure they are genuinely helping you thrive.

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In the world of business, a reliable and effective business coach can be a valuable asset. They can provide guidance, support, and expertise to help you achieve your professional goals.

However, not all business coaches are created equal, and it’s essential to evaluate their effectiveness to ensure you’re getting the most out of the coaching relationship.

Qualifications and Credentials

Before you hire a business coach, it’s crucial to examine their qualifications and credentials. A reputable business coach should have a strong educational background, relevant certifications, and a proven track record of success.

Look for coaches who have experience in your industry or niche, as their expertise will be more aligned with your needs.

Client Testimonials and References

Ask your potential business coach for client testimonials and references. A coach who has positively impacted the careers of others will likely have satisfied clients willing to share their experiences.

Reach out to these references and inquire about their interactions with the coach, the results they achieved, and the overall value of the coaching relationship.

Customized Coaching Plans

An effective business coach should develop customized coaching plans tailored to your specific goals and challenges. Be cautious of coaches who offer one-size-fits-all solutions.

Your coach should take the time to understand your unique circumstances and craft a strategy that addresses your individual needs.

Goal-Oriented Approach

A business coach should be results-oriented, with a focus on helping you achieve your objectives. They should work with you to set clear, measurable goals and track your progress over time.

An effective coach will hold you accountable for your actions and ensure you’re making meaningful strides toward your goals.

Communication and Rapport

Your relationship with your business coach is built on trust and effective communication. Pay attention to how well you and your coach connect, as open and honest conversations are essential for progress.

A great coach should be an active listener, offering feedback and guidance that resonates with you.

Flexibility and Adaptability

The business world is dynamic, and your goals may evolve over time. A valuable business coach should be flexible and adaptable, ready to adjust their strategies as your needs change. If your coach insists on rigid approaches that don’t align with your current situation, it may be a sign of ineffectiveness.

Ethical Practices

Ensure your business coach adheres to ethical standards and guidelines. They should prioritize your best interests, maintain confidentiality, and avoid conflicts of interest.

If you ever feel uncomfortable with their actions or requests, it’s crucial to address these concerns.

Investment vs. Return

Consider the return on your investment when working with a business coach. While coaching services come at a cost, they should ultimately bring you a substantial return on your investment through improved business performance, increased revenue, and enhanced skills.

Evaluate whether the benefits outweigh the costs.

Progress and Growth

Effective business coaching should result in noticeable progress and personal growth. Assess your own development and achievements throughout the coaching relationship.

If you’re not seeing tangible improvements in your business and professional life, it may be time to reevaluate your coach.

Gut Feeling

Sometimes, your intuition can be a valuable guide. If you have a persistent feeling that your business coach is not delivering what you need or that something is amiss, it’s essential to trust your instincts and explore other coaching options.

In conclusion, a business coach can be a powerful ally in your professional journey, but not all coaches are equally effective. By assessing their qualifications, client testimonials, customized coaching plans, goal-oriented approach, communication skills, flexibility, ethics, return on investment, your personal growth, and your intuition, you can make an informed judgment about the effectiveness of your coach.

Remember that the right business coach can have a transformative impact on your career, helping you reach new heights of success.

If you like the article and would like to support please engage.

Business Coach
Business
Coaching
Entrepreneurship
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