How to escape unacceptable behaviors with a Stop-Doing List
Add a stop-doing list to your to-do list
Everybody knows about to-do lists. We make them to plan our day, our week, our month, and even our shopping list is a to-do list. But do we have an efficient way of not doing? Do we have a methodical way to fight our addictions and our negative behaviors?
Most of us don’t. We are so focussed on reaching our goals we don’t realize how the dangerous practices we adopted obstacle us.
We need a stop-doing list then. We need to understand how to use the power of to-do lists in a reversed action.
What is a stop-doing list
I don’t have to explain to you what a stop-doing list is. The name talks by itself. Still, there are two ways of making a stop-doing list, and the one you will choose depends on the person you are.
A stop-doing list can be active, or it can be passive.
The active form is a to-do list on which you write the things you need to stop doing as soon as they happen. For example, let’s suppose you want to quit smoking. If you are working, and you smoke a cigarette to relieve stress, you write it down on our agenda, and stop doing it immediately.
As you can see, the active form requires an action following a bad behavior. Differently, the passive form is a pre-made list on which you already wrote the things you need to stop doing. You only keep track of the days in which you accomplished your goal and those in which you didn’t.
This form is less powerful than the active one because it doesn’t have an immediate impact on your mindset. The distance in time between the negative behavior and the tracking activity allows you to overcome part of the shame and feel justified.
The active form instead has a stronger emotional impact over your action. You notice that you did something you shouldn’t have done, so you will resist more the next time.
Why do you need a stop-doing list
Stop-doing lists make you understand your core values. When you write something that you did but want to stop doing, you are making a statement acknowledging your values.
This is a strong empowerment action, which helps you to commit to those values even more.
You become more conscious about how you are spending or wasting your time. You become aware and more motivated to stop doing it the next time.
That line wrote on the paper, or that “X” missing from your calendar, makes you realize you need to control your actions.
No shame allowed
“Sometimes our stop-doing list needs to be bigger than our to-do list.” ― Patti Digh
When I first started doing stop-lists, I felt ashamed when I failed my tasks.
I remember one of the first things I tried to stop doing was to check my phone every 10 minutes while I was studying. I could do it only once half an hour. Still, sometimes, I had to search for information online, and I ended up answering my friends’ texts.
I wrote it down on my agenda, then I felt bad, and my motivation dropped.
You don’t have to do that. You might experience the pressure of failure, but don’t allow it to defeat you. Failing is no big deal: it is part of the improvement process. There’s no perfection in fighting an addiction, or inappropriate behavior. You will fail many times, so you better learn to deal with failure.
Be aware of this process and use the pressure of failure to upgrade yourself and resist more the next time.
The more you resist, the better you get. The better you get, the better you feel.
With time you will master your resistance and you remove that task from your stop-doing list.
Ideas for your stop-doing list
“Start a ‘Stop Doing’ list. I’ll leave it as an existential dilemma on whether to put that task on your To-Do list.” — James C. Collins
Everybody has their addictions, or negative behaviors they would like to escape. Mine could differ from yours. Still, there are some bad habits we all share. So I will give you some ideas with some things I put on my stop-doing list.
Procrastinate
This is a generic topic: we can consider many actions as procrastination. Any action, if it prevents our goal, is can fill this category. Still, whatever it may be, you need to stop doing it.
For example, I used to check my phone every 10 minutes. If you have this problem, consider silencing notification or block the applications that distract you. No social networks, no instant messaging, keep those things away from you or you will lose focus.
Negative thinkings
You shouldn’t doubt yourself or your strengths. Whenever you feel you are not prepared to do something, write it down. Or if you think you don’t deserve something, acknowledge it as bad behavior and write it down.
Everything good that is happening in your life results from your work: you deserve it.
I wrote an entire article about self-talking. You can find it here.
Working too much and having no time for fun activities
Being a workaholic is never an exemplary behavior. If you focus too much on work, you will start missing the joy of life: your friends, your family, and your leisure time.
This also includes thinking about work when you should think about having fun.
You should put this on your stop-doing list if you recognize it’s one of your problems. The risk is too high, you can’t afford to be lonely.
Being clingy
As humans, we affectionate to the past and cling to things or people once were in our life. Yet, this is a powerful indicator of an emotionally immature person. You should address this problem as soon as possible, or it will harm you.
Multitasking
Our brain is efficient only when you focus on one thing. Doing many actions at a time is not productive. On the contrary, it could generate problems.
If you notice you are often multitasking, stop it.
No exceptional works come from multitasking, only mediocre ones.
Not accepting compliments
One last destructive behavior you could have is not accepting compliments. When somebody admires you don’t counter them by throwing bad things over your head. Learn to accept compliments and use them to do even better.
Compliments are a strong power to enhance your behavior. Recognize that you deserve them and use this awareness to do better.
You can do it.
Stop-doing lists are powerful. They allow you to escape negative behaviors or even addictions.
The genuine force of stop-doing lists is in the awareness they give you. Writing what you should have not done matters. Seeing that missing “X” on the calendar matters. It gives you perspective. It strengthens you and make you more determined to succeed.