Sweatpants humor
How To Enjoy Grey Sweatpants Season
Yeah, I said “grey”. Come at me USA.
Are you struggling to come up with fun things to do in your sweatpants?
No, not like that! You dirty-minded people.
You can only watch so much Netflix before you start to think about how much you’re wasting your life away.
Did you know you can do a range of fun activities in your joggers?
You did?
Ah…well now I’m telling you again.
Here’s a list of great stuff to do whilst wearing trousers that are baggy and grey:
- Mountain Climb
- Sit by a fire and insult celebrities online.
- Shout “I’ll never let go Jack!!!” and then drunkenly throw your empty Jack Daniels bottle at ice cubes in your freezer.
- Try and bond with local cats.
- Tell your worst enemy that “Mr. Harrigan’s Phone” is a great film on Netflix. That’s 106 minutes they’ll never get back.
- Perform “Can’t Touch This” by M.C Hammer to your in-laws.
- Tell everyone at work you’re “just not trying anymore”.
- Learn the Oboe.
- Tell everyone down the pub that you could have made it pro if it wasn’t for your dodgy knee.
- Try and stop Kristine Laco from playing the bongos when you’re receiving bad news from the doctor over the phone.
You.
Are.
Welcome.
Enjoy the pants and the activities, my beloved readers.
By the way — if anyone owns a Bongo store out there do not serve Kristine!
She needs help!!
I was gonna write a massive novel about grey pants then I thought…why not do it in the form of a poem and a photo shoot?!
So I did and I have no regrets…okay maybe a few.
But yeah, enjoy!
A Sweatpants Poem
When I’ve got my grey joggers on I feel so calm and collected. It makes me feel at one with the world and I want to express those feelings through interpretive dance…and poetry!!
As I can’t show you interpretive dance through Medium I will therefore share with you my grey sweatpants poem.
Please do this at home people. Get your grey sweats on and start rhyming stuff that rhymes with trousers.
I call this one “The Lovely Grey Sweatpants Poem”.
The Lovely Grey Sweatpants Poem
The leaves are falling off the trees But I’ve got rather chilly knees My landlord said no pets But they didn’t say anything about sweats
I put on my joggers And insult some Medium bloggers I could wear these from dusk till dawn Now I fancy some internet p…
Knock Knock!
Who could that be?! I shall open the door and see It’s two policemen at my door “Excuse me, sir, did you steal those earlier from a store?”
I wasn’t arrested but they took away my sweats I wanted those pants so much, now I have serious regrets I’ll have to find a spare I wonder if Ginger Cook has a pair?
Wow, what a lovely poem!
Seriously though Ginger, I need a spare. Work won’t let me into my building because I’ve got no trousers on.
Please!!
Please!!!!
Pretty Please!!!!!!!!!
Sexy Photoshoot
With great joggers comes great responsibility.
To be comfortable in baggy sweats means that you must feel comfortable within yourself. If you let the pants control you, you will never control your pants.
A frightening thought indeed.
“But Adam, how can I express myself creatively and sexually through my grey sweatpants?” — Concerned trouser wearer
I am so glad you asked!
Luckily for all you photoshoot fans out there, I bring to you…
The Adam Robinson Autumn Fall Grey Sweatpants Sexy Trouser Shoot 2022:
(Warning! — Rated for people aged 46 and over)
1. The Sexy Saucy Sofa Pout
The first photo to kick things off with is the sexy saucy sofa pout.
I felt particularly sexy in this pose. I’m not sure if it was the grey sweats or the pout of my lips, but everything just felt right.
I also felt rebellious because I took this when I was supposed to be “working from home”.
But like I told my boss — grey trouser photo creativity cannot wait. Not even for a second! Not even until I’ve gotten all my work done!
This photo is available in PDF format at the furthest art gallery away from you.
2. The Mysterious Elderly Traveller
I love this one because the eye is drawn to the sexy elderly traveller and not the cat-scratching post in the background.
My grey joggers made my bottom half feel warm and safe from violation, but my top half was still rather chilly.
As Putin has invaded energy prices I decided to take matters into my own hands!
I immediately felt the spirit of a 90-year-old gypsy coursing through my veins — and it wasn’t just that I’d had shitloads of caffeine that day.
After this photo was taken I immediately bought a caravan and started driving it around the UK asking strangers if they wanted their fortunes told.
May the spirits guide me…straight to where there are more spirits to drink.
3. The Cheeky Constipated Chappy
Is it a bird?
Is it a plane?
No! It’s desperate to go for a poo boy!
This image speaks to me on so many levels. You can really see the power of the grey sweats — especially in the male genitalia region.
Whenever I’m not taking snaps for my Instagram modelling page — you can usually find me sitting like this on a sunny October afternoon wishing I could go to the toilet.
I’m proud I had the courage to take this because I used to get teased for my ginormous groin at school — those teachers were real mean.
Remember guys — God gave us all a different groin to suit us. That’s what makes us so unique ❤
4. The Pregnant Prince
It’s 2022 and that means that men can now give birth and you have to be okay with that!
I’m so happy I managed to capture the beautiful moment I gave birth to a part of a table because I forgot to move it out of the way of the shot.
Again, my groin is on show…but that’s the beauty of childbirth I guess.
I feel so privileged to be able to share my pregnancy with my Medium audience.
In a weird way, I feel like I’ve given birth to all my followers — especially the bots and erotica writers.
Now for the trials and tribulations of fatherhood! One day my child will see this photo and he’ll realise all the sacrifices his father made in his grey joggers.
You’re welcome!
5. “Oops! I didn’t realise you were taking a picture!”
No, don’t be silly it’s not the cover of Vogue!
It’s just plain old me guys!
The power of the grey trouser pant sweats overtook my better judgement once again and I found myself presenting myself in this rather naughty pose!
But honestly, I didn’t realise the camera was on…this is how I normally look on a Monday afternoon.
I felt right at home (because I was at home) in my sexy grey sweats.
Women were flocking to the windows to see me. I had to fight them back with a nearby stick I found!
Also once they got to know me and my personality, they quickly left.
That was pants!!
There we have it! You now know the best ways of enjoying yourselves in your grey sweatpants.
But what have we learnt?
- Poetry is a great way to get away with stealing grey trousers.
- Depending on how well you perform “Can’t Touch This” your in-laws will cherish you forever. More than your partner will anyway.
- Take cute pictures of yourself in your cosy grey joggers to really feel like a man.
Lovely stuff!
Brought to you by Ginger Cook as it is “Gray Sweatpants Season”.
Unfortunately, I’m offended by this because I’m English.
Therefore, I will instead call the season:
“The Grey Joggers UK Trouser Mashup Bonanza Jamboree”
Thanks for reading everyone.
I now need to go explain to the neighbours why I was doing weird poses on the couch…
