How To End Twin Flame Separation
Why doing shadow work is vital
Every twin flame couple is going to experience separation at some point. This is the moment it’s just too hard to be together. Both of your core traumas are being triggered and you have no ways to deal with them (yet).
One person often runs away from the connection, while the other is left behind in complete devastation. How can your twin give up such an intense, perfect love? Your world crashes down at this point — nothing makes sense anymore. You just want one thing: get back together with your twin.
So you probably start chasing your twin flame. You might stalk them on social media, re-read their messages a hundred times, scroll through all your cute photos, and daydream about the times you were together. Your mind is slowly going crazy — why the hell did they leave??
Your relationship was an escape
It’s time to face the truth about your twin flame connection. It was actually always an escape. You thought the perfect love would make your life complete and your twin flame confirmed that. After all, you’ve never felt so whole as when together with your twin.
And this is exactly where the problem is — you should be whole by yourself. There is no external happiness that will last forever. When something external (your twin) makes you so incredibly fulfilled, it means there is something missing within yourself.
You get addicted to your twin flame because only with them you can fill the void that you had been looking for all your life. The same is true for your twin (if you are real twin flames) — you also make them feel whole.
Toxic behavior and compulsive thinking
But at some point, cracks start appearing in this ‘wholeness’. You begin seeing the imperfections of this person and probably even notice toxic behavior. However, you are already addicted at this moment and push all of this away. And yes, you can be addicted to a relationship.
Addiction is when you have a strong physical or psychological need or urge to do something or use something. It is a dependence on a substance or activity even if you know that it causes you harm. It can impact your daily life. It is typically marked by an intense craving, difficulty in controlling or stopping the behavior, and a persistent pattern of use despite negative consequences.
“Intense craving and uncontrollable dependence” — sound familiar? I know exactly how this feels, and that is probably what you are doing with your twin flame relationship too. You feel like you are so bonded to your twin that the rest of your life doesn’t even matter anymore. Every minute of the day depends on how your twin flame shows up in your life.
There is a word for this by the way: codependency. Every twin flame is somewhat codependent on the other. Codependent relationships normally have a giver and a taker, but in a true twin flame connection, both parties play both roles at given times.
What to do during twin flame separation?
There is only one thing you can do during twin flame separation: look in the mirror. What do you see when you look at your own reflection? What is truly hiding behind your eyes? What hurt and sadness are you storing in your body? Where is the love you’re supposed to feel all around you?
This part is not easy. When you’ve experienced the perfect love of your twin flame, the last thing you want to do is work on yourself. However, this is exactly where salvation lies. As long as you keep chasing your twin (and thus external happiness), there cannot be a reunion.
Your twin flame ran away from you to give you the biggest gift: your own time for yourself. Use this time wisely. The Universe is all part of this plan and is not doing it to make you suffer. It’s doing it to help you understand.
And you won’t understand anything until you understand yourself. Why did you get so attached to this one person? It’s not because they are the other half of your Soul — it’s because they are meant to wake you up. And once you’ve woken up, you can be whole without anything external.
How long does twin flame separation last?
It all depends on you to determine how long you will be separated from your twin flame. If you keep chasing and don’t surrender to the present moment, it can last a lifetime. But you can make it much quicker by doing shadow work.
Shadow work is the ultimate part of inner growth. It should come after having done inner child work, since it’s quite intense. You have to be completely honest with yourself when you start with shadow work since it will expose your darkest traumas.
You will learn that you are a big part of the reason why your twin ran away.
You will face your inner demons and learn how to make friends with them. You will probably sink even further down and this is exactly what you need to understand your Self.
It’s time to face yourself now. How? For me, buying this shadow work journal was eye-opening. When I started with this journal, I didn’t even have time to think about reuniting with my twin. So much shit about myself became clear, no wonder my twin ran away!
I didn’t even want to be with him during this time, since I realized I had so many issues to work on. I needed solitude and stillness to cry about everything. Not just him, but everything that happened to me in my life that I hadn’t dealt with earlier.
Shadow work is the key to understanding your suffering
Here’s a fun fact: you won’t get into a twin flame relationship when you are truly happy with who you are. There is this nagging feeling that something is missing in your life and you think you’ve found it in your twin. But actually, you are the one who is missing.
Shadow work exposes you to a new reality and this can be quite devastating.
You might realize that you’ve lived your whole life pretending to be someone you’re not. That you’ve people-pleased all this time and that you were afraid to be your true self. Afraid that people would reject you when they saw the real you.
It’s here where you’ve hidden your shadows to never be brought to the light again. After all, you think they are shameful and not accepted by others. But when shadows hide in your dark corners, they have free range there.
They make you believe that you are not good enough. That the dark thoughts you sometimes have are unworthy of love. That if people would ever see this version of you, they would hate you.
Shadows will fade when exposed to the light
Fortunately, you don’t have to keep your shadows hidden. You just have to face them, accept them, and let them be part of you. The questions in a shadow work journal expose these shadows. And when they are exposed, their influence changes.
You will learn that everybody has shadows and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. After all, light only exists because there is darkness as well.
One example of a shadow journal question is:
What negative trait that others point out to you, is hard to accept for you?
In my case, people commented on how judgmental I could sometimes be. I would immediately defend myself when they said that — trying to explain why I judged and what truth there was in my judgment.
I never questioned myself about my own judgments.
But the truth was, I did have a quick (hard) opinion about others without really knowing them. After I got exposed to this shadow, I caught myself judging all the time because I now became hyper-aware of it. I had no idea how often I did that before I started facing my shadows.
And when I recognized this dark trait, I could also understand why I judged. I was actually afraid others would judge me because deep inside I was insecure. So I made up stories in my mind to already eliminate their opinions by judging them first.
But after accepting myself for who I truly am, I am no longer afraid of being judged. After all, now I know that judging just tells something about the other person — nothing about who I am.
The lesson you need to learn during separation
When you take your shadow work seriously, there is one thing that becomes clear during your twin flame separation.
We all need to heal ourselves before we are ready for a reunion.
This means your twin needs to do inner work and shadow work too. When they don’t do that, there can never be a union. And if you have found your authentic Self, you will no longer accept not being chosen.
And this is the ultimate key to ending twin flame separation — you realize you are worthy enough to have a relationship with a Soul Partner. A Soul Partner is a person who has also done the inner work and this is even better than a twin flame.
They recognize their own triggers and won’t display the toxic push-pull of your twin flame. There is a big chance you don’t even want to be with your twin anymore. Now all you can sense is gratitude and love towards your twin flame because, in the end, they did make you whole.
Just not with them, but with yourself.
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