Summary

The article discusses strategies for overcoming self-hatred and mental health struggles by changing one's behavior and seeking professional help.

Abstract

The article "How to End the Self-Hatred Once and For All" addresses the common issue of self-hatred and its detrimental impact on mental health. The author, a mental health therapist, emphasizes the importance of recognizing the interconnectedness of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, as outlined in the Cognitive Triangle. The article suggests that to combat negative emotions and self-destructive patterns, individuals must actively engage in positive behaviors. These can include simple activities like taking a walk, laughing, or seeking social support. The author stresses that while these actions may not cure conditions like depression or paranoia, they can shift one's thoughts towards a more positive direction and allow for moments of light amidst darkness. The article concludes by encouraging those struggling to seek professional help, affirming that doing so is a sign of strength, not weakness.

Opinions

The author believes that self-hatred is a significant barrier to mental health and that individuals often exacerbate their struggles by engaging in negative behaviors.
The article conveys that attempting to suppress darkness with self-hatred or unhealthy behaviors only intensifies the struggle.
It is the author's opinion that understanding the Cognitive Triangle is crucial for individuals to realize how their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are interlinked.
The author suggests that small, positive actions can accumulate to make a significant difference in one's mental health.
Seeking professional help is presented as a courageous and effective step towards healing and managing mental health issues.

How to End the Self-Hatred Once and For All

You are Your Own Worst Enemy

**Photo by Vladimir Fedotov on Unsplash**

“If you want to end the darkness, you cannot beat it with a baseball bat. You have to turn on a light.” ~Marianne Williams

The anxiety may be debilitating.

The self-hatred, deafening.

Depression can blind.

Paranoia will lie.

In my role as a mental health therapist, I so often hear people condemn themselves for their own struggle.

“Oh, if only I was as good as ______________”.

“I’m so stupid! How can I be in this mess?”

“I know better! Why do I keep doing these things to myself?”

“I hate myself so much. I just want to die.”

To cope, they throw themselves into the bottle or illicit drugs. They overeat to the point of discomfort. They avoid daily responsibilities. They pick a fight with their partners. They try to run from the pain.

Sometimes, they even mark and scar their bodies in an attempt to quiet the dark thoughts and feelings.

All the negative reactions to the darkness only fuels them more. The self-hatred just grows.

I sit in my chair listening to their pain and my heart feels so sad.

“If only they could see their worth. Their dark thoughts and actions are keeping them in place. If only they could let the light in.” I think and I am reminded of the following quote —

“If you want to end the darkness, you cannot beat it with a baseball bat. You have to turn on a light.” ~Marianne Williamson

And so enters, the Cognitive Triangle…

It is at this point in a session I will begin to educate a person on the connection between their thoughts, feelings and behaviors.

What we think influences how we feel.

How we feel influences what we do.

What we do impacts how we think.

If you keep fueling the darkness with negative behaviors, you will continue to sit in darkness. If you try to beat the darkness with self-hatred and unhealthy behaviors you will only get more darkness.

If you want to change the way you feel and think, you have to change the things you do.

If you don’t want to sit in darkness, you have to turn on the light.

I know it seems impossible to do when the darkness feels so overwhelming, but oftentimes people dismiss the simplest things they can do to lighten their load.

Take a 5 minute walk
Watch a video that makes you laugh
Look through photos of a time that you felt good
Talk to a person whom you find encouraging
Sit with your legs up the wall and deep breathe
Pet an animal
Eat a healthy snack and drink a glass of water
Ask for help

None of these behaviors will fix depression or heal paranoia, but they do have the potential to change the direction of your thoughts and increase positive emotion. With enough moments like this, the light will begin to creep in and the energy to do more will grow.

And if all else fails, get professional help. It could be the hardest behavior to initiate but also the one that can help the most.

You are not weak for seeking help.

You are simply allowing someone else to show you where the light switch is, instead of walking around in the darkness alone. ❤