How To Embrace The Japanese Art Of ‘Shikata Ga Nai’ (Or ‘Letting Go’)

3 steps to making the most of life’s messy moments

Last week, I missed 3 trains on my way to work.

Why and how I missed the trains isn’t really important (it was a mixture of poor judgement and time blindness, dear reader).

What struck me in particular was the fear, the panic, the stress. For some reason on this day I saw myself from afar, and recognised — with some sadness, I may add — that this poor girl (me) was in distress over something so insignificant as missing a few trains.

You probably recognise this in yourself. The tight-chest feeling of ‘I will be late!’ and ‘I must meet my duties!’

Then I did something very unusual. I acknowledged this fear and decided to try…‘going with the flow’.

“F*ck it” I thought. “I have missed these trains and this is the way it is. I will live with this, and embrace what happens next as a result”.

I later found out that this concept has a name in Japanese: ‘Shikata ga nai’. To take the approach of ‘it cannot be helped’ or ‘what will be, will be’:

Embracing ‘Shikata ga nai’

What good came out of my ‘flow-ness?’ My ‘letting go-ness’? My ‘embracing-the fact that this would be a different kind of day, and I might as well try to mix it up a bit while I’m here-ness’?

A lot, actually:

• Resilience: I acknowledged my fear and panic of not meeting my duties. I practised a new skill: resilience.
• Knowledge: Once I’d resigned myself to the fact I was going to be late, I decided to try a new route in the station. And with this, I discovered a sneaky set of stairs to the platform that I’d always been in too much of a rush to notice. Knowledge! Beautiful information that I could use for next commute.
• Connection: With a new spring in my step after discovering the *looks around conspicuously* secret stairs, I spoke to the coffee guy at the station. He was radiant. I could not believe that this man, who serves miserable London commuters every day, had such a happy demeanour. It was infectious. I smiled as I sipped my coffee.
• Inspiration: Due to my hefty delay, I had time to listen to two full episodes of some excellent podcasts, which gave me inspiration and refilled my creative cup.

• Expansion: With wins racking up, I found myself wondering — what else could I do differently today? So — I started writing on the train. I began writing this very article, in fact. I took a new route to the office once I arrived at my destination. I ate something new at breakfast and discovered I do not like guava. Expanding my horizons, bit by bit.

Ok, I know what you’re thinking. This is not groundbreaking stuff right here. While some are writing about whether AI is sentient or the slow collapse of the economy and the planet, this idiot here is amazed at the fact that she….ate a different breakfast.

But that’s the point, isn’t it? We get so wrapped up in our routine that we don’t notice the tiny, beautiful things that can happen when we allow ourselves to veer off course slightly. We don’t even allow ourselves an inch of possibility to let go, step out, explore, take a wrong direction, fail.

Maybe letting go is more than just a cheerful resignation of ‘what will be will be’. Maybe it’s the springboard for new life to happen.

“The reinvention of daily life means marching off the edge of our maps” — Bob Black

3 Steps to Shikata ga nai

Letting go is something we all need reminding of, once in a while.

On the train back at home at the end of the day, I started to write some instructions to myself. I knew that this new found ‘f*ck it’ level of chill was going to wear off once I got distracted. I needed to remember how I got to my Shikita ga nai.

So here they are, the 3 tips I wrote to myself (and now you) — for how to let go:

1. Get comfortable with discomfort

Routine feels nice. It feels familiar. And when something comes along to disturb that serene flow, we feel uncomfortable. Our heart rate goes up, we stress.

But these uncomfortable feelings don’t need to lead to anxiety. We can interrupt that pattern. Discomfort is not an enemy. You just need to observe it, acknowledge it, sit there and reassure yourself that it will pass.

Letting go of chasing stress is step one.

2. Create ‘wiggle room’

You have to allow for cracks. A builder always allows for the house walls to stretch, move, expand in time. We have to give ourselves a little breathing space, so that when something unexpected happens, we can just walk through the gaps and breathe — instead of constricting ourselves into forcing through the planned course.

Allow yourself to be late once a month. Or block out your calendar with ‘Time for surprising things to happen’ — then step outside and let yourself go where your mind takes you.

A little wiggle room can lead to a lot of joy.

3. Embrace the opposite

Once you have mastered (or at least practiced a little) dealing with the discomfort of things not going to plan, it’s time to go one step further.

If you’re trying to walk one way to get to your destination and something blocks you — embrace walking in the opposite direction and seeing what you can find. If you lose your wallet, use it as an experiment to appreciate the free things in life for one day.

Don’t fight what life throws at you. Run towards it.

My little experiment of letting go and seeing what happened in the cracks that opened up helped shift something in me. So that next time I miss a train, or 2, or 3 — I’ll look forward to the opportunities that appear. And then walk off into a completely different direction, looking for my next secret staircase.

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