How To Elevate Your Social Presence

What makes someone stand out?

Disclaimer: This article is not for everyone. Not everyone wants to be noticed, or remembered, or to leave an impression. If none of this interests you, I won’t be offended if you close this window.

But for those who it does, whether it be to have a better dating life, excel in your career, grow a brand or business, enter the public or political sphere, or simply to grow stronger relationships with people, then this is for you.

Being remarkable — memorable — for the right reasons — has many benefits. If you run a business or provide a service, people will call the person they remember when they need you. If you’re actively dating, being memorable will help you stand out in the crowd. Considering getting into politics or joining a board? Good luck being taken seriously if nobody can remember you.

So, what are the key components of making a lasting impression?

1: Treat everyone like your best friend.

I believe that people are craving connection now more than ever. This was true before the pandemic, and even more so now as we have been further isolated with each other in both work and play.

That means, people will remember where they feel this connection, but it must be genuine. Asking genuine questions, being curious about someone’s work, life, family, or values. Listening more than you speak. Engaging and being consistent.

This is true for all social interacts, no matter how long or short. When receiving your coffee from the barista, it means a warm and genuine smile paired with well-wishes for their day.

At a business meeting, it means treating your counterparts like actual human beings rather than numbers or titles.

At a social or networking event, it means having the same demeanor you would around people you’ve known for years.

When you are friendly and kind to those around you, you will radiate an energy that everyone will notice — and remember.

2: Don’t talk about the weather.

“Conversation about the weather is the last refuge of the unimaginative.” — Oscar Wilde

I think of this quote every time I’m meeting someone new.

What are the typical, everyday things that humans revert to in conversation?

“So…what do you do?”

“Hey, how about them [insert sports team here]?!”

“Boy, this weather is great!”

Predictable and mundane — yet widely accepted and utilized.

At first glance it can feel like “just the things people talk about,” until you read that Oscar Wilde quote.

How many millions of questions could you ask in conversation?

Better yet, how many millions of answers could you give back to someone?

As a coach and speaker, I have an unusual answer to “what do you do for a living?” But, “coach and speaker” can sound unclear and confusing.

“What does that mean?” people will ask.

“I help people evolve into the ultimate version of themselves” tends to raise some more eyebrows. It tends to be remembered.

Also, it tends to elicit more follow-up questions which deepens the conversation.

Think about what it is that you do, what are some more interesting ways to answer the question than just reciting your title?

“But James, I’m a garbage man, how could that possibly sound more interesting?”

“I keep our streets and neighborhoods clean to create a more comfortable environment for residents and their families” might do the trick.

There is always a more interesting way to answer a question, and if you strive to do this on a regular basis, people will remember you.

3: Dress the part.

“Style is a way to say who you are without having to speak.” — Rachel Zoe

Whether or not we like to admit it, people make quick judgments about how we look all the time. Particularly, the way we are dressed. I don’t mean whether you’re in a suit, dress, or sweatpants — so much as how you’re wearing it.

You can buy an ill-fitting $5,000 suit that looks like garbage compared to a $200 suit you got on clearance that fits you like a glove.

It matters not the setting, the idea is to look your best for the occasion. A suit is an irrelevant example for a pool party, but then the same principle would apply for your swim trunks.

People who have put thought and effort into their appearance are remembered more widely than those who look to have just rolled out of bed.

Perhaps an uncomfortable truth — but a truth nonetheless.

4: To be more memorable, remember more.

Active listening is not the same as just hearing someone. Active listening requires you to put effort into follow-up questions and conversation exploration.

As a result, though, you discover more information about a person than just a passing chat. And you’ll be better equipped to remember meaningful information — like their names.

I understand that not everyone is good with names (and they’ll usually remind you of that), but having a growth mindset means having the belief that you can improve and learn more skills — one of which being, well, remembering names.

Imagine you go a few months without seeing someone, run into them at the grocery store, and they instantly use your first name. How do you feel?

You feel important. You feel like you matter. You feel remembered.

Now, imagine being able to give this feeling to someone else. They will surely remember you in return.

• Pro tip* — If you have a hard time remembering names, make an effort to use their name right after it’s given. “Great to meet you, Patricia!” will make them feel more important, and help you ingrain the name into your memory.

5: Deposit social currency.

What is it that most people do in their interactions? They look for places that they can benefit.

They attend a networking event and seek those who can help them.

They go on a date and wonder how this person can enhance their life.

The irony of which is that they’d be far more productive if they entered these situations (and all others) with a genuine intention to contribute.

How can you give to others? How can you provide value? How can you enhance their life, their career, their sense of belonging?

When you deposit social currency into the world, you set yourself apart from the endless pitches and offers people are being fed every day.

How many times has an old “friend” reached out to you to “catch up” and five minutes later is giving you a sales pitch?

This is an attempt to withdraw social currency without making any deposits.

When you show up to give, it’s easy to stand out and be remembered.

6: Read and learn more.

What makes a person interesting?

A depth of knowledge in a variety of topics empowers you to enter any situation and have a real conversation — even cursory knowledge can be hugely beneficial in this area.

It empowers you to engage with a wider variety of people on a more meaningful level.

It allows you to have longer and more in-depth conversations.

It draws people to you like a magnet when they have more questions for you than answers.

And, they always walk away remembering you.

But, in order to become more knowledgeable we must quite simply absorb more knowledge. Putting time and effort into reading more, listening to more podcasts, watching more documentaries…whatever topics interest you, there is a plethora of free information available about them.

“But, James, I don’t have time to read!”

Do you have a commute to work? A lunch break? Time at the gym? What do you fill your ears with during this time?

If you’re listening to music, switch to an audiobook or podcast instead. Use the time you already have to explore your interests and passions.

7: Show respect through undivided attention.

If you’re reading this, you have an internet connection, which means you most likely have a smartphone, which means you’re probably glued to it 24/7.

That means you’re probably guilty of fiddling with your phone or scrolling through your emails while in a social situation, on a date, or in a meeting.

Don’t worry, we all do it at one point or another.

But, I believe it sends a subtle message that whatever’s happening on your phone is more important than the person in front of you. When we consider it in this light, I think our actions begin to change.

Undivided attention is a gift. It shows people that you value what they’re saying, respect their presence, and are willing to give them a piece of your time you know you’ll never get back.

When someone feels that they’ve won your attention over your phone, they will remember that interaction — and you.

8: Live a life of passion.

What is it that sets your soul on fire? We all have something that lights us up, even if it’s been buried deep below the surface for years.

It could be anything — art, music, video games, racing cars, knitting — something you love to watch or participate in during free time.

When people have the courage to dive head first into their passions without fear of judgment, it is noticed and remembered.

I have a friend who enjoys Cosplay (dressing up as characters from comic books, anime, etc). While not something I personally engage in, I enjoy seeing his photos and videos of his creative self-crafted costumes that he wears to huge conventions.

Why? Because it’s unique, different, and he’s doing it because he loves it no matter what anyone else thinks.

That’s the example I chose to use here because it’s easy to remember and it popped into my mind first. See how that works?

9: Speak THEIR language.

I don’t mean becoming multi-lingual, though that would certainly be helpful.

I mean being able to engage and interact with all types of people. I don’t care if you’re a Fortune 500 CEO or a janitor at a middle school, I’ve always believed that life becomes richer when you can converse with people on any level.

Subsequently, recognizing and adapting to the “level” is where the magic happens.

I travel and speak to a variety of CEOs and key executives, and the vernacular I use with them is vastly different than when I’m sitting in a tattoo shop getting work done.

Yet, I can have a great time and make friends in either setting. If I went into one and started talking like I would in the other, I might be remembered — but it certainly wouldn’t be for the right reasons.

*Note — This is not the same as changing the person that you are (see point below). It is a honed ability to be comfortable and effective in any type of social situation, which is a valuable skill and advantage.

10: Be YOUR fullest self.

What is it that really makes someone memorable to everyone they meet?

I believe the crux of it is this:

They are fully, authentically, and unabashedly themselves everywhere they go.

They don’t water themselves down because of public opinion.

They don’t apologize for who they are.

They don’t change their opinions or beliefs depending on who they’re talking to.

They are strong and steadfast in their identity, which is something that people — even when they don’t agree with — respect.

They respect you for it, and they remember you for it.

And, at the end of the day, it means that you’re living a life that is in alignment with your values and beliefs. Something many people are too afraid to do.

Nothing is more memorable than that.

• My private clients find themselves living more confident, purposeful lives and cultivating healthier relationships with those around them. Click here to book a free call to see if we’re a fit to work together.
• James Michael Sama is an internationally recognized speaker, author, and personal development coach.
• Finding success in creating hundreds of viral articles and videos on building limitless confidence and healthier relationships, James has accumulated over 39 million visitors to his website and a collective social media following of over 400,000.
• James speaks at live events and in the media across the U.S. and has become a go-to expert with outlets such as CNN, Bravo, The New York Post, The Huffington Post, The Daily Beast, CNBC, The Boston Globe, CBS, and more.