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Pat yourself on the back.</p><p id="8926">Then go to Facebook and post, “What are we, in kindergarten?” See who reacts to your post. The person who reacts with a <i>heart</i> emoji is your BFFAEAA. It’s that simple. Take them to a pub, buy them a drink — until they vomit. If they don’t vomit, <i>make them</i>. Turn your camera on. You know what to do.</p><p id="9df1">Volunteer in a local community, preferably the Red Cross. Everyone in Red Cross is looking for BFFAEAA. That’s <i>why</i> they’re in the Red Cross. Everyone knows that.</p><p id="113a">If you’re a guy, go to Tinder and start right-swiping everyone you see. Get a match with a girl. Connect with her. Flirt with her. Ask her on a date. During your first date, after seeing your harmless behavior, she <i>will </i>put you in the friend zone. I believe in you. She’s your BFFAEAA. Pat her on the back.</p><p id="063a">If you’re a girl, go to Tinder and start left-swiping everyone you see — until you see the one you want to be BFFAEAA with. Someone who looks like they can add you as a collaborator on <i>their</i> Spotify playlists. Someone who can pat you on the back during your first date.</p><p id="d0d3">Go to Instagram and see who follows you back. They’re <i>all</i> your potential BFFAEAA. DM everyone, “What are we, in kindergarten?” which will tempt some of them to be your BFFAEAA — if they aren’t already. If they don’t open your DM, it’s because they’ve obviously seen the message on your notifications and they’re playing it cool.</p><p id="1036">Full marks for their power move. But they’re messing with the wrong person.</p><p id="a1c2">After six full minutes, send them a <i>long</i> text that they have to open your DM to read thoroughly. This will show them how clever you are, which will tempt them further to be your BFFAEAA. DO NOT pat yourself on the back. There’s nothing to be proud of anymore. You’ve mastered it! Take them to a pub. Ask them to bring a DSLR camera.</p><p id="e959">After taking the video of them vomiting on your face, pat their DSLR camera on the back.</p><p id="b1b9">Go to a kindergarten . Choose an adorable kid. <i>No touching!</i> Ask them politely, “Will you be my BFFAEAA?”</p><p id="d071">If they say yes, pat yourself on the back forever.</p><p id="9b41">Wouldn’t you rather be laughing? Follow <a href="https://medium.com/muddyum">MuddyUm</a> and <a href="https://medium.com/@srini-here">Srini</a></p><p id="aa92">A special thanks to <a href="undefined">T. Kent Jones</a> for his masterful edit. <i>Bebestfriend him right now!</i></p><p id="9552"><b>IF you want to be my BFFAEAA, read all of the below — without vomiting:</b></p><div id="ec45" cla

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SUBTLE MANIPULATION

How To Effortlessly Make Best Friends

Best Friends Forever And Ever And Always

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels

Want more BFFAEAA’s?

That’s Best Friends Forever And Ever And Always, obviously. Try to keep up.

Start by making a Spotify playlist for someone you want to be best friends with. Add a minimum of 7,600 positive vibes songs — each month. Add that person as a collaborator.

Ask them to collaborate — every day. When they add songs to your playlist, you’ve subconsciously gotten them to become your BFFAEAA. This is textbook manipulation yet subtle. It’s so subtle you don’t even know you’re manipulating them. Pat yourself on the back.

Another proven tactic? Go to a crowded pub on a Saturday night. Meet some new people. Any race — unless you’re a racist. Add them on Instagram. Weep loudly right in their face if they don’t immediately agree to follow YOU back on Instagram.

Keep buying them drinks — until they vomit — on your face. Drive them home. Put them to bed. Be sure to video all of this, up to and including the vomit part. Send them the video the next morning.

If you don’t get a response within ten minutes, it’s because they’re embarrassed. After thirteen minutes (because you want them to sober up), text them, “Will you be my BFFAEAA?” If they said YES, pat yourself on the back! If they said NO, reply to them, “I was obviously joking. What are we, in kindergarten?”

They’ll like your puckish sense of humor. Who wouldn’t want to bebestfriend you? They WILL reconsider their previous NO. Job done!

Also? Go to LinkedIn and comment under all your connections’ posts, “You’re brilliant. You’re incredible. I’m so very proud of you!” Comment only once per post. DO NOT double comment. You don’t want to sound desperate. Nobody likes a clingy BFFAEAA.

Then, go on Twitter and tweet, “I’m looking for a BFFAEAA — and I’m absolutely not desperate. Clingy people, please stay away.”

If someone replies to your tweet, “What are we, in kindergarten?” you reply, “That’s my line. How did you know? We should be BFFAEAA. You’re brilliant. You’re incredible. I’m so very proud of you!” Their heart is melted now. Pat yourself on the back.

Then go to Facebook and post, “What are we, in kindergarten?” See who reacts to your post. The person who reacts with a heart emoji is your BFFAEAA. It’s that simple. Take them to a pub, buy them a drink — until they vomit. If they don’t vomit, make them. Turn your camera on. You know what to do.

Volunteer in a local community, preferably the Red Cross. Everyone in Red Cross is looking for BFFAEAA. That’s why they’re in the Red Cross. Everyone knows that.

If you’re a guy, go to Tinder and start right-swiping everyone you see. Get a match with a girl. Connect with her. Flirt with her. Ask her on a date. During your first date, after seeing your harmless behavior, she will put you in the friend zone. I believe in you. She’s your BFFAEAA. Pat her on the back.

If you’re a girl, go to Tinder and start left-swiping everyone you see — until you see the one you want to be BFFAEAA with. Someone who looks like they can add you as a collaborator on their Spotify playlists. Someone who can pat you on the back during your first date.

Go to Instagram and see who follows you back. They’re all your potential BFFAEAA. DM everyone, “What are we, in kindergarten?” which will tempt some of them to be your BFFAEAA — if they aren’t already. If they don’t open your DM, it’s because they’ve obviously seen the message on your notifications and they’re playing it cool.

Full marks for their power move. But they’re messing with the wrong person.

After six full minutes, send them a long text that they have to open your DM to read thoroughly. This will show them how clever you are, which will tempt them further to be your BFFAEAA. DO NOT pat yourself on the back. There’s nothing to be proud of anymore. You’ve mastered it! Take them to a pub. Ask them to bring a DSLR camera.

After taking the video of them vomiting on your face, pat their DSLR camera on the back.

Go to a kindergarten . Choose an adorable kid. No touching! Ask them politely, “Will you be my BFFAEAA?”

If they say yes, pat yourself on the back forever.

Wouldn’t you rather be laughing? Follow MuddyUm and Srini

A special thanks to T. Kent Jones for his masterful edit. Bebestfriend him right now!

IF you want to be my BFFAEAA, read all of the below — without vomiting:

Brand art by David Todd McCarty
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