How To Easily Achieve Your Reading Goals By Throwing Everything Else Aside

# Summary

The article humorously recommends extreme measures to prioritize reading by eliminating distractions such as family, work, health, social obligations, and other forms of entertainment.

# Abstract

The satirical guide suggests that to achieve ambitious reading goals, one might need to go to radical lengths, including temporarily abandoning family responsibilities by sending them away, calling in sick to work, neglecting personal health in favor of reading time, ignoring social obligations and messages, and avoiding the lure of TV shows. The author emphasizes that these sacrifices are worth it for the intellectual pursuit of reading and the anticipated social media recognition that will follow.

# Opinions

- The author believes family is the biggest obstacle to uninterrupted reading, suggesting their claim might be based on personal experience rather than scientific evidence.
- Work is portrayed as a significant hindrance to reading goals, with the author encouraging deceptive practices like faking illness to gain more reading time.
- Health and well-being are considered secondary to reading, with the article suggesting that maintaining a balanced lifestyle is too time-consuming for avid readers.
- The article downplays the importance of social interactions and relationships, advocating for ghosting friends and family to focus on reading.
- The author values reading over other forms of entertainment, like watching Netflix, and implies that reading is a pursuit for intellectuals.
- The piece suggests that the gratification from achieving reading goals and the subsequent social media bragging rights outweigh the potential consequences of neglecting other life areas.

Get rid of your family

I know this might sound extreme but your family is the single biggest obstacle to reading. Is this a scientific fact? Probably. I don’t have time to read studies because I have a family so you’re just going to have to take my word for it.

Just pack them up and send them on a little outing for a few hours. Call on friends, grandparents, neighbors. That woman from the library whose glasses you found and returned who said, “I owe you one”. Anyone who will take them really, don’t be too picky.

Call in sick to work

If you are currently working, that's going to be a problem. Unless you work from home (then you can totally get away with whatever, obviously). Initially, you could try reading in between meetings, on your lunch break, in the bathroom etc.

If you find that isn’t enough then begin laying the groundwork for an upcoming illness. Start coughing, sneezing, and rub your eyes a lot. Fake a few emergency runs to the bathroom. One thing I’ve learned in all my years is that people don’t ask questions when you mention and/or offer to show them photos of your bowel movements.

Put your health on hold

A balanced diet, fresh air, exercise, hydration… ugh! Our bodies are so needy. Staying healthy is unnecessarily time-consuming. So cancel that yoga class and pick up some microwavable lasagna on the way home because you're staying in with a book tonight! Speaking of night, sleep is another huge time suck.

Did you know the whole needing eight hours of sleep thing is a myth created by bedding advertisers?

It must be, because I’ve been doing just fine on five hours a night and this eye twitch is barely noticeable now.

Ignore social obligations

Staying in touch with friends and family can be a lot. All the texts, group chats, emails etc. Don't be afraid to mute or ignore messages entirely. Just because you're the maid of honor in your sister's wedding next week, it doesn't mean you need to pick up the phone whenever she calls.

And your friend's newborn baby won't care that you stopped commenting “awww” on every photo that she sends you. Real friends will understand. Take a moment to imagine how excited they are going to be to hear about all the books that you've read once you've reached your goal. There. Doesn’t ghosting them seem easier now?

Don't get sidetracked

Most important of all you need to keep your eye on the prize. So what if everybody’s talking about that new true crime docu-series on Netflix?

People don’t make resolutions to watch more TV. Anybody can do that! You’re an intellectual. You have a Master’s degree, damn it. When you have any downtime, your focus needs to be on reading.

Just picture that social media post with all those beautiful books lined up. People will be blown away!

If not, at the very least you will inspire one person to make their own goal to read more (out of spite). And you know what? Good luck to them.