How To Earn Respect
Start with not trying to earn respect
We are all deserving of love and respect for being alive. To be accorded respect and treated with dignity is a right. But there are people we have deep regard for — way beyond the basic we give to everyone.
We can be feared, obeyed, or even loved based on our age or position of power. But deep respect? That we have got to earn.
“You will do it because I say so.”
Children will follow our instructions without question if we command them. So will employees or anyone under our care. They have no other choice for now. When the power dynamic leans too much in our favor, the more respectful we should remember to be.
And like many other virtues, respect is not a belief but a practice. We remember to be respectful to ourselves and others, especially when we don’t have to.
But we cannot chase respect. We cannot try to earn it. It comes as a by-product of who we are. We make tiny deposits in our everyday choices and interactions.
Whom we give respect — beyond the basic — and why is also highly subjective. And whatever drives a person to respect us is dependent on factors only relevant to them.
But a few pointers into some of the traits that the highly respected people share would not hurt.
What do they do or how do they live?
They have a set of values and live in line with them.
People who have a set of values are grounded. They are not blown away by the wind of fashion, popularity, or fame. They are comfortable with who they are because their values guide them.
At first encounter, such people may seem boring or uptight. But after spending more time with them, you notice their sense of purpose, discipline, and commitment to what they do and how they do it.
Values guide their routines and priorities. They communicate to the outer world what they can and cannot do. People are careful in their approach — when suggesting things to them or making requests. They will steer clear of subjects that fall outside their value system.
Where there are values, there are boundaries too. Otherwise, everything goes.
Such people do not defend their beliefs or overexplain themselves. They may even struggle if called upon to do so. They do not need to announce what their values are.
They respect the values, opinions, and choices of others.
“It’s one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it’s another to think that yours is the only path.” Paulo Coelho.
And since they are secure in themselves and their choices, people who earn the most respect — also show respect to the values of other people. They do not see people through the lenses of their beliefs.
They are curious and welcoming of divergent views. And this earns them respect, not just from people with whom they share similar values and lifestyle — but everyone.
They keep time and their word.
Being late may be fashionable, but keeping time is respectable. So is making and keeping promises.
People who keep time communicate to us that we matter and our time does too. We trust and respect people who do what they said they would do without requiring more follow up.
They do not gossip.
“Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.” Eleanor Roosevelt.
We cannot help but respect someone who does not discuss the life drama of other people. Gossip is cheap, harmful, and empty. Many of us have indulged in it — either actively or as a passive listener. And for most of us, it is an unconscious habit.
But nothing drives away respect like a propensity for gossip. Wean yourself off it, and then stay away. People will trust you with sensitive and personal information. They will discuss deeper and bigger ideas with you.
That is — they will respect you.
Finally, stop trying to earn respect.
Actively trying to have other people respect you is an ego game. But respect is an inner game. If you aim to be respected — and you achieve that — then what? You will keep checking, wondering, and trying harder.
Live in line with your values, respect others, have something good to say about everyone or events(or say nothing). Let your life so much occupy you that you will have no time for gossip.
And people will respect you. Still, some will neither accept nor respect you no matter what you do. And that is okay.
