How to Determine (And Fix) What’s Holding You Back in Life
Follow this 3-step approach to begin living the life you deserve.
Ever feel like your life is heading nowhere? Ever stop to think, “Boy, do I feel stuck right now”?
I bet you do. Most of us do. Not a single human being escapes this planet without ever enduring a phase of static hopelessness.
The weird truth is that we often should feel this way. I mean, if something really is holding you back, surely you should feel like you’re throwing punches against a brick wall.
Sounds like it’s time for a change. So, how do you move forward?
Well, first, we must develop the awareness to pinpoint where you might be going wrong.
As John Dewey once said:
“A problem well stated is a problem half solved.”
With that mind, let’s explore 3 reasons why you aren’t (yet) living the life you deserve, and what you can do to fix this.
#1. Are You Fearful of Taking ACTION?
Humans dislike uncertainty, period. Some of us go as far as becoming fearful of what’s around the corner.
Sometimes, the very thought of having no idea what’s next can manifest itself into anxiety, discomfort, and unease. As a result, we refrain from taking action.
We give up on writing because we’re worried how our work might be perceived. We turn down the opportunity to advance our career because we fear we aren’t ready.
We become reluctant to make mistakes.
Or as Dale Carnegie succinctly describes,
“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.”
The first step to overcoming your hindrances is to take action.
In other words, to determine what’s holding you back, you must be willing to take a step forward.
Easier said than done, I know.
But you might not need to take big, bold steps to radically transform your life. Maybe you just need to start small.
Dreaming of a new home? Start by browsing for properties online. Want to spend a year in Europe? Treat yourself to a short vacation in Spain.
The point is to start small, but most importantly, to make a start.
Teeny-tiny steps can compound into lasting change. It all adds up to progress.
Maybe a small breakthrough is all your life needs right now.
To paraphrase Theodore Roosevelt, “the worst thing you can do is nothing.”
#2. Is Your ENERGY Sphere in a State of Imbalance?
Maybe you’ve already taken action. Maybe you’re already living the life you want.
You’re doing everything you said you would 5 years’ back. But something still isn’t right.
Well, maybe your sphere of energy is tilted.
As humans, everything we do can be judged in terms of the energy our actions create.
In my case, I feel great when I write another blog post— it gives me positive energy. But I also feel exhausted when I spend time browsing on social media — it gives me negative energy.
A wonderful way to explore how you’re allocating your energy vessel is to keep a journal with details of the activities you’ve completed throughout the day — what you did in the morning, at work, after work etc.
Try this for a few weeks. After a while, you’ll start to notice which parts of your day make you feel refreshed, and which parts burden you with fatigue.
I can’t take full credit for this idea — Bill Burnett & Dave Evans pioneered this suggestion in their bestseller, “Designing Your Life”.
They even created a template to help you get started, though this also tracks engagement, as well as energy levels.
“Once you have a handle on where your energy goes every week, you can start redesigning your activities to maximise your vitality.”
While some of the activities that give you negative energy may be necessary (e.g. responding to emails — if that’s you), block out a small amount of time to complete them every couple of days. Don’t allow such tasks to occupy most of your time.
Restructure your day to spend more time doing the things that reward you with positive energy. This way, you’ll be moving forward with positivity, while staying on top of your life too.
#3. Are You Heading in the Wrong DIRECTION?
“If you board the wrong train, it is no use running along the corridor in the other direction.” — Dietrich Bonhoeffer
If taking action in the first instance, and refocusing your energy in the second still leaves you feeling hopeless, then perhaps it’s time for a rethink.
Maybe you chose a career path that you aren’t cut out for but said yes to because it sounded “cool”.
Perhaps you’re in a relationship that, after countless efforts of being honest with each other, simply has no future.
The hardest thing for any human to admit is that their life needs a U-turn. Doing so burdens us with the feeling that we’ve wasted the past couple of years.
And while performing a ‘180’ in life should always be considered a last resort, sometimes it’s necessary if you want to overcome what’s holding you back — if you wish to travel in the right direction.
So what defines a direction as being right as opposed to wrong?
Well, start with what feels natural to you. What’s easy for you, but less so for others?
It’s also worth adding that you’ll know you need to make a U-turn if what you’re currently doing feels unnatural.
If you’re trying to become an opera singer but you suffer from immense pain when hitting those high notes, maybe opera isn’t your forte. Try pop.
If you love the thought of marriage but you’re girl/boyfriend hates the idea of commitment, maybe it’s time to part separate ways.
Of course, it goes without saying that your first priority should, and always will be, to find ways to make your current situation work. Take action. Refocus your energy.
But if that doesn’t work, maybe it is time to switch gears. Maybe it’s time for a more powerful adjustment.
“For the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: ‘If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?’ And whenever the answer has been ‘No’ for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.” — Steve Jobs
A Quick Recap
If you’re struggling to move forward in life, if something’s holding you back, then it’s time for a change.
This can take one of three forms (in order of what should be tried first).
1. Take action — even if it starts with small, but powerful steps;
2. Rebalance your energy — prioritise activities that give you positive energy vs. those that consume negative energy;
3. Change your direction — if what you’re doing doesn’t feel natural, it might be time to find what does.
Which approach you ultimately select depends on your own personal circumstances, and of course, whether you’ve already attempted the first few suggestions.
The point is, if something’s holding us back in life, it’s time to get out of bed, get dressed, and walk into the universe knowing that today, ‘I’m going to do something about it.’
Thank you for reading :)