How To Deal With Writing Block When You’re 80 Years Old

The way you do when you’re 30 years old. Assume you’re losing your mind.

Okay, it happened again. I hit the wall this morning. No, my balance issue didn’t get the best of me. Although I almost wish it had. If I’d fallen because my cerebellum is wonky (just found that out from my new doctor on Wednesday), I’d have an excuse for my writer’s block.

I know, writer’s block is all in the head. So is my cerebellum and fear of losing my marbles. Believe me, when you’re 80 years old, that’s a thing. As much as staring at your screen when you need to come up with some drivel to publish every day.

Mostly I can, even if I have to dredge up some yummy recipe from my archives that nobody reads or claps for. But at least they help me reach my goal of an article a day. Plus, they invigorate my trips down memory lane when I recall my heydays as a cook and caterer and occasional TV guest whipping up something photogenic as I smiled winningly for the cameras.

This morning, I glared into the mirror at my sour reflection, worrying if it was dementia that robbed me of my imagination or garden variety fear of the blank page. Or had I simply used up my store of interesting stories. Seriously, you’re not interested in hearing about my visit to my doctor, are you?

So I went searching through the recent list of helpful advice from writers savier than moi who give tips on how they earn big bucks. Inspiration was just what I needed, so I started making notes.

Since there aren’t too many secrets to getting to the top of the pile here, or at least making a leap at it, I already knew the bit about writing often, making friends, doing the PR work. Yes, but what about the brain freeze? How do you micromanage those days when your creativity has taken a hike?

Ah, there I came to it, a trove of articles on what to write when you have nothing to say. Exactly what I was looking for. I never have anything to say, but I manage to fill up the page with words anyway. I just needed someone to prime my pump as it were, and I began reading, hoping an idea of my own would leak through the cracks.

Write about sex, says writers earning 4 and 5 figures a month. A big smile spread across my face. Yes! I said to myself. I remember sex. I used to have it, and I think I enjoyed it. But it was so long ago, I’ve forgotten some of the details. And as a writing teacher, I constantly preach, your worth is in the details. Damn my faulty memory.

So, scratch sex as a subject of a clap-worthy article. However, just between you and me, I sent a silent wish out into the universe, or wherever Cupid’s grandfather resides, that if he comes across a sweet old geezer, he could rap him with his cane for me (old Pops Cupid had to put away his bow and arrow when his rheumatism set in), and send said geezer my way.

Because I don’t know where any candidates for senior sex are hiding. Certainly not in my kitchen, where I spend my time trying to come up with juicy articles to entertain my readers these days.

Another topic of interest to readers it seems is money. Well, that’s a hoot. If I could write about money, would I be working my fingers to the bone for claps every day? Why do you think I’m a Medium writer? I’m scrambling for the Franklins just like everybody else.

If I had the secret to Fort Knox, I’d be reclining on my yacht in the Bay of Monte Carlo or wherever my honeymoon suite overlooked (write about that failed late-in-life marriage-I don’t kiss and tell). I wouldn’t be watching the clock hoping to come up with an idea to publish before all the readers have shut down their computers for the day.

Pro tip about looking to Medium for tips on getting rich. The only megabuck writers you’ll find here are guys like Jeff Bezos outing would-be blackmailers. The billionaires are not telling it like it is for some extra coin to buy their side hotties some baubles.

So I scratch any moneymaking scheme I might have and move on to personal essays. Well, that’s my wheelhouse. My life has been personal, to say the least. But it seems so many good writers have gotten there before me. Do people really want to know how life has manhandled me? It happens to everyone, and so many readers say it better.

Besides, my angst is old news to me. I should write what I know and feel passionate about, right? And what do I know best, well that would be writing.

But that brings me back to my conundrum. Hey, I like that word. Could I write about vocabularies? Describe the way I used to read the dictionary when I was home sick from school. I’d start at A but never put anything in context. I couldn’t use aardvark in a sentence, but I knew how to spell it.

Story of my life, so could I write about that? Who would care, an Aardvark Protection Society? You need a tribe, I know, but that’s ridiculous. That’s what happens when you have nothing to say, when your mind goes blank, and you’re 80 years old. Your mind wanders into bizarre nooks and crannies. And you think every dumb thought is a sign of dementia. Forgetting that for the previous 79 years you had countless stupid ideas.

They say if you lose your keys, your brain is okay. But if you don’t know what a key is for, then you’re in trouble.

I’m looking for the key to a good article. I had one yesterday. It got 1.2 claps in 24 hours. As Hemingway said, I wrote one good sentence yesterday. I can write one good sentence today. Or words to that effect.

Yeah, but Hemingway didn’t live long enough to worry about losing his mind. He faced the blank page in his 60s and panicked, then did the only sensible thing. He blew his brains out, as some say was the cause.

Good thing I don’t own a gun. I’d blow a hole in this computer that’s daring me to come up with one good sentence. If I don’t, I’ll have to tell you about my cerebellum. But, hey, maybe that’s an idea for tomorrow’s article.

I’m an editor and writer on Medium with Top Writer status in Writing, Psychology, This Happened to Me, Food and Cooking. I’m also an editor for the publication, Rogues Gallery. I’ve published 55 titles on Amazon and edit fiction and nonfiction for private clients. If you’d like to hire me as your editor, please contact me here. If you’d like to read more of my stories and tips for success on Medium, click here to sign up for my newsletter. I’ll make sure you don’t miss a word. Thank you for reading.