How to Deal with Toxic People at Work and Beyond

Follow these steps to come out stronger.

Let’s be honest: Dealing with people is hard. While I wish for you to go through life surrounded by wonderful folks, the reality is that you likely will encounter a couple of bad apples at some point. While people can be kind, inspiring, and loving, we are also unpredictable, odd, and externally motivated. Don’t feel discouraged because there is good news: Negative encounters can be a massive learning opportunity.

1. Recognize The Bad Apples

If you want to protect yourself, you first should identify these people when you are in the situation. Here are four types to look out for:

1/ Difficult or Mismatched Personalities

While having different work styles is acceptable, what about those who make you cringe? This can range anywhere from a minor annoyance to total misunderstanding. What if this happens to be someone who you have to see daily or even has power over you, like a boss, client, or professor?

2/ Dishonest People

Two Netflix hits come to mind, The Tinder Swindler and Becoming Anna, both based on real stories of people inventing a fake persona for financial gain, fooling everyone around them. While these stories are not everyday occurrences, always remember that it sadly isn’t uncommon for people to lie. A common form of dishonesty at work is overpromising and under-delivering. Many will say anything for sale, making statements they later can’t deliver on.

«Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.» -Old saying

3/ Negative People and Bullies

Have you ever worked with someone who made you or everyone feels like crap?

I spent a couple of years working in the Silicon Valley, where I was not fond of the work culture. There I encountered bias, cut-throat competition, and many mental health problems due to the toxic work environment.

4/ People Who Have Misaligned, Unclear, or Unrealistic Expectations

You wanted something and hired a person, yet they are not exactly able to give it to you. They didn’t outright lie to you, but you ended up not getting enough of or the type of what you wanted. This goes both ways. You could accept a job, find out the client or boss has unrealistic expectations, or ask for things that were clearly out-of-scope and never discussed prior. You feel anywhere from mildly disappointed to outright angry. By the way, this happens a lot in personal relationships too.

2. Know How NOT to React

Humans often lack the skills to handle conflicts properly. We typically react in one of the following ways:

1/ Explode: Verbal Attacks or Hurtful Comments

This is absolutely the last resort for any conflict. Try to avoid such reactions at all costs. Rash action is never a good thing. Consequences could be anywhere from your behavior shared online to getting reported to an actual lawsuit.

2/ Stuff: Simmer In Silence

Holding in negative feelings is harmful, both emotionally and physically. Stuffers develop unhealthy outlets to process their feelings. Sometimes, a stuffer snaps and explodes. In those cases, their outbursts are often extreme since they’ve held it in so long.

3/ Ghost: Ignore and Maybe Even Block

It is tempting. When you have a conflict with someone, it feels easy to simply stop responding to their messages and move on. If this is a total stranger, a spammer, or a troll, go for it. But in this situation, we are talking about bad teachers, bosses, or clients. Ghosting is not a good idea.

3. Follow These Tips To Protect Yourself From Toxic People

1/ Set the Goals You Want Out of the Experience First

There is a problem if you enter any relationship or contract with zero expectations. You always have expectations, so you should spell them out, then confirm with the boss, new hire, or coach that this will happen if you come onboard. There is also a right and a wrong time to hire anyone, like when you are still deciding on a direction, never hire done-for-you services. The same goes for preferably not starting a new job when you are going through a personal crisis.

2/ Get Clear on What You Are Buying Into

Make sure you understand not only the ‘What’ but also the ‘How.’ Get as much detail as possible in the written contract to avoid having a nasty surprise that you didn’t agree with what you thought you did. Miscommunication happens when we fail to write down expectations and scope. Both parties must sign it with “open eyes.”

3/ Set Your Dealbreakers

Are there certain things you can commit to and other things you can’t? For example, if you can’t spend more than 30 minutes per week working on your business, then let the coach know upfront since this could be a dealbreaker for progress. I once entered a program that was much too time-consuming for me. I ended up having to leave it. Imagine if you have children and need flexibility and stable hours, you never want to pick a job with shift hours. Or if you are building a website and the developer expects you to be available daily for reviews, chats, meetings, and sign-offs, but you are about to leave on holiday or heading to a conference, this could be a dealbreaker.

4/ Write Down the Professional and Personal Qualities or Conditions You Are Looking For

If you are applying to certain companies or looking to hire an expert, a coach, or any service, ask others in your industry or your peers for tips and guidance about soft skills required or the company culture. It is better to take the time upfront to prepare than risk getting the wrong fit. If you write down your criteria, it is much easier, later on, to evaluate if you should stay or go. This advice also transfers well to your personal relationships.

5/ Ask for a Trial Period For Big Commitments

I never sign contracts that don’t have an initial trial period. Why? Because after one month, things could look very different. You need some time to see how things are going and decide fully if this is a good fit. One month may not be enough time for some or more than enough for others, but either way, this gives you a chance to meet with your coach, boss, hire, and decide together if it is working out and what and how to move forward the best way. Remember that all working relationships go two ways.

6/ Always Include a Clear and Fair Exit Clause

Same as with the trial period, what happens if things stop working? Life changes. Your situation changes. You could find yourself or a loved one with a sudden health condition, or your spouse gets an incredible job offer cross-country. Whatever the circumstances, the last thing you want is to be stuck in a contract that makes it very difficult, lengthy, or costly to terminate, like a marriage contract. Read all contracts carefully before committing to anything, whether it is a school or work agreement, and make sure you are clear on the terms of termination and can agree to them fully.

7/ Know How to Deal with Things Gone Wrong

Yes, it happens! If you’ve been alive long enough, sooner or later, you will enter into a working relationship that is less than ideal, anything from mild annoyance or disappointment to outright anger about getting “ripped off”. Staying bitter is not a good option. Honest service providers don’t want unhappy clients, and if they agree they didn’t deliver to what was in writing, they will probably offer you something to make things right, whether it is a product re-do or a refund. Talk to them! Just note that this goes both ways. If you hired someone for a service, and they delivered it, but you wanted more or something different, or you didn’t implement the advice they gave you, that’s on you. Here is some additional guidance on how to deal with such situations.

8/ Learn How to Address Conflict and Deliver Feedback The Right Way

Avoiding disagreements is not the solution. There needs to be open dialogue in life and feel it is safe to speak up about their beliefs without facing disdain, mockery, or adverse consequences.

Defending your beliefs or expressing your differences in opinions or experiences can and should be done respectfully. You do not need to apologize or feel guilty for disagreeing. You have full permission to your own opinions!

Speak to the person right away. Don’t ignore, ghost, or sulk. Acknowledge your frustration, but don’t bring negative emotion into any conversation. Instead, learn to stay calm, master your emotions, and use non-violent communication tactics. This can be helpful at work, school, or in your personal life.

Look at your dealbreakers, and don’t be afraid to leave a bad work situation. You can always get another boss or client, but you can’t get back the reduced productivity and negative emotions they caused you. The stress from working with toxic people is never worth it.

Conclusion

You can’t live in a bubble, so it is good to learn how to deal with all kinds of people in life. No one has time to let haters ruin the vibe! Learn to anticipate and handle difficult situations, address them proactively and in a timely manner, and you will be ten steps ahead of many others who don’t. Preserve your peace, sanity, and happiness by handling bad players the proper way. You deserve happiness, so don’t ever think for a moment that you should settle for less!