How to deal with the Ghosts of dating?

Summary

The article discusses the phenomenon of "ghosting" in online dating, emphasizing the importance of self-worth and clear communication.

Abstract

Ghosting in online dating is a common experience where an individual suddenly stops all communication without explanation. The article suggests that while ghosting can be hurtful, it often reflects the ghoster's personal issues rather than any fault of the ghosted individual. It argues that modern dating apps have shaped our expectations for instant validation, leading to a culture where people quickly judge potential partners. The author encourages readers to not take ghosting personally, to be honest and upfront in their dating interactions, and to maintain confidence in their self-worth, independent of others' opinions. The article concludes by advocating for resilience and continued pursuit of love despite the fear and potential for disappointment.

Opinions

Ghosting is not a reflection of the ghosted person's worth or actions but rather stems from the ghoster's own struggles or priorities.
Social media and online dating apps have conditioned individuals to seek immediate validation, which affects their dating behavior and expectations.
It is unhealthy to assume responsibility for being ghosted, and one should not equate a partner's disappearance with personal failure.
Clarity in communication and setting expectations early in a relationship can prevent misunderstandings and the need for ghosting.
Self-confidence and independence from external validation are crucial in the dating world, allowing individuals to maintain their self-worth regardless of others' actions.
Despite the potential for ghosting, individuals should continue to be open to love and not let fear inhibit their dating life.

What to do with the Ghosts of Online dating?

If you have explored the world of dating, I am sure you would have heard a thing or two about ghosting. For those lucky enough to have never experienced it, let me explain. Ghosting is when someone you go out with or connect online with disappears without a reason. Like they never existed in the first place and it was all a dream. In some cases, it works out for the best. You don’t have to have an awkward conversation but what if you actually liked the other person. What do you do then?

It is rare to find someone who reciprocates your feelings. But most of the time you end up falling for someone who would rather focus on something else. You could take it personally but the truth is, it is never about you. Imagine a situation where you connect with someone more invested than you in the relationship. This could be because you want to focus on your career or deal with past experiences or, you are not interested. All the reasons as to why it would not work are focused on you and have nothing whatsoever to do with the other person. So when we are in that position, why do we assume it is something we did?

I could not help but wonder, are we dependent on others to make ourselves feel important?

In today’s day and age, dating seems simpler all thanks to online dating apps. But the social media apps have changed our needs and expectations. Every post on Instagram, every promotion update on LinkedIn and every single overshare on Twitter is possibly a silent cry for validation. We have placed our worth in the hands of those who do not matter. So now when we sign up on Online dating apps, our needs and expectations follow the same process. Within the first few minutes of a conversation, we can tell whether it is going forward or not. Yet people tend to continue the conversations for months only to disappear in the end. When we have ghosted within the first few minutes or first few days of the conversation, then why does our mind work overtime into making us believe we are the root cause when someone else ghosts on us? It is normal to expect the other person is as invested as us. But it is important to remember each person has a different background and experiences. Each with their own struggles, insecurities and past troubles. When you get to know someone, you discover their baggage. However, sometimes the weight of the baggage prevents the person from taking the next step or even explaining what they are feeling. I am not saying it is okay to ghost. But to take it upon ourselves for having ruined something without any proof is also not healthy. Yes, an explanation could help us achieve that closure we need but does it help with the pain? Maybe, maybe not so what can we do about it?

We cannot stop dating and we definitely cannot change everyone. We can take the first step and vow to never ghost anyone. Make it a habit to be upfront and honest. We can also share this with whoever we connect with. Make our expectations clear. If the other person appears to be on board, then we know it is worth trying it out otherwise we have our answer. But the most important step we can take is to build that confidence in ourselves. We are never defined by anyone. Our self worth is never in the hands of others. We do not need validation from anyone. Be the best version of yourself and take a chance. If taking the first step scares you, go ahead and do it anyway. Either it will be worth your time or it will be another learning. But whatever you do, do not let a single ghosting incident stop you from taking a chance on love! At the end of the day, their behaviour is never about you!