How to Deal with Ignorance in a Long-Distance Relationship
I’m already used to being ignored for a day, but should I be?
When in a long-distance relationship, the balance of communication can be hard to find. For example, if you are working, then you aren’t going to be texting all day long and will probably call in the evenings.
How to deal with ignorance in a long-distance relationship involves understanding, patience, dedication.
I know this because I’ve done it before and am now in a long-distance relationship with the guy I met in the mental clinic. He is still there. So I know his routine off the back of my hand, plus I know how boring it can get there (especially without me by his side!). But he still manages to ignore me. Does it make me angry? Kind of.
Yet I’ve learnt some ways to deal with it so you can too.
Be patient
The test of good manners is to be patient with the bad ones. Solomon Ibn Gabirol
First and foremost, the trick on how to deal with ignorance in a long-distance relationship is patience. Sometimes your partner is doing something or going through something that maybe you can’t solve. Hard to accept, I know.
Your mind may be racing about things they might be doing, or who knows what crazy equations we come up in our mind with. This time it’s different for me. With my ex, I used to be scared of who he was seeing (I had trust issues), but now I know where he is and what he is likely to be doing. I know the wifi doesn’t work overall on the mental clinic campus, so I can understand if he’s not online all the time.
However, I still get frustrated. I get frustrated that he doesn’t take me into account being at home all alone after being with him nearly 24/7 for seven weeks, and the change has been hard to handle. Sometimes I feel like he doesn’t understand this, especially the other day as I was home all alone with nothing much to do than looking for jobs, recording a new podcast, advertising my book (ok, so I do have things to do but not much of a routine).
So instead of becoming infuriated, I decided to:
Write a letter
“How wonderful it is to be able to write someone a letter! To feel like conveying your thoughts to a person, to sit at your desk and pick up a pen, to put your thoughts into words like this is truly marvelous.” ― Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood
My mum has always been in writing letters. When we first moved to Germany, she also hated being ignored by loved ones or not having so much contact with them that she always wrote letters. It is a great way to release your emotions out on paper and show the other person you really care.
Indeed it is. The best way to deal with ignorance in a long-distance relationship is to write a letter about how you feel. When coming to write the letter, you may start to understand your emotions better and come to terms with how you truly feel in that moment.
For me, it showed me a lot of light. I wrote how I didn’t appreciate being ignored and how I miss every little thing about him, so not being able to see or speak to him hurts my heart. (Cheesy, I know, but it’s true!) I obviously didn’t want to write the letter to make him feel bad, but bring awareness of the issue at hand so he may understand it from my perspective.
Let’s see if it works — it hasn’t arrived yet, but he ignored me last night again….!
Be as open as you can
“A mind is like a parachute. It doesn’t work if it is not open.” ― Frank Zappa
When writing letters, you tend to be as open as you can. All your mind is splurging out on to paper, and it may seem like a mess at first.
You see, the best thing about our relationship is that we are completely open to each other. I don’t hold anything back, and nor does he. Ok, so he is a big sufferer of debilitating depression and other mental health issues, so that’s one of the big reasons he ignores me, but not intentionally.
When I brought to his attention that when he does ignore me, it makes me feel like an annoying kid seeking attention or that maybe he doesn’t like me as I like him… Mr Doubt (so we call him!) appears in my mind and makes me battle with all the judgements that your mind squabbles with at times of uncertainty.
When uncertainty is there, be open. But please:
Don’t incessantly message them
“If someone is able to show me that what I think or do is not right, I will happily change, for I seek the truth, by which no one was ever truly harmed. It is the person who continues in his self-deception and ignorance who is harmed.”― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations
Your partner should want to make you feel happy, and that is something I also told my partner because it works both ways. I can’t be the one trying to look after him the whole time; he also has to do it for me.
This realisation made me settle my messaging. I could message him all day with a full-on commentary of my day, but I decide not to. I stop myself because he also has to see that I won’t incessantly write to him if ignored — that is not fair.
I told him how it’s not fair on me (the one who is all alone in this situation), and he tried to understand. The good thing is that your partner will want to try and understand you to make things better.
In conclusion
So there we have it — how to deal with ignorance in a long-distance relationship includes:
- Don’t incessantly message them
- Be as open as you can
- Write them a letter
- Become more patient
I hope this helps in your journey of love, and you can grow from the experience of being ignored rather than become sourer!
Before you go
Thanks for being here.❤
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