How to Deal with Energy Vampires

It’s all about asserting your boundaries

Nobody intentionally pinches your power. Nor do you give it away on purpose. Somehow, though, it might fall into the wrong hands.

We usually think of personal energy in physical terms. You are energetic, fine, or tired. However, much of your energy is emotional. You might not recognize its ebb and flow, but it rises and falls nonetheless.

Occasionally you will note encounters leave you drained. You are happy before you spend time with people, but after listening to tales of woe, your energy wanes.

It might appear your vitality is siphoned, much like a vampire steals blood from a victim. You know your lack of get-up-and-go stems from being with an energy-sucker, but not how to stop the incident from reoccurring.

Energy tappers don’t really suck us dry. Instead, our attention stimulates them to generate more of their own energy.

“What about our energy loss, though?” I hear you cry. “Where’s our power gone?”

Here’s how emotions work

Your thoughts and the internal muscle memory of your psyche create your emotions.

To an extent, the way you experience events stems from what’s happened on other occasions. So if you attributed fear to fireworks and hear one now, you might get upset all over again.

Your reaction is instinctive and immediate. You respond similarly to situations unconsciously, just like you brush your teeth on autopilot.

Emotions also spring from thoughts. If we watch a movie where a character we like meets good fortune, we are happy. The story, although not real, stimulates our imagination, and we create genuine emotions.

Likewise, we tell ourselves stories and run through mind movies in our heads all the time. The mini-movies we produce with our imagination trigger emotional responses.

What we think and the stories we tell ourselves about what’s going on impact our mindset.

To sum up, emotions stem from learned responses and our take on what happens.

What has this got to do with energy vampires?

We lose energy when we experience events as stressful. Listening to negative tales, whether on the TV or from a so-called energy vampire, puts us in fight-or-flight mode.

When we hear negative news, we tell ourselves stories that drain our energy.

Stress provides a boost when we need to run from hungry monsters — not a common occurrence these days — but it isn’t good when we listen to unhappy tales. In fact, studies show repeated bouts of anxiety lead to depression and lethargy.

Stress grows when we imagine, out of politeness or for another reason, we cannot walk away from a negative person.

Also, if we are used to feeling stressed with people, we create neural pathways in our brains to support the reaction. So we become anxious on autopilot when we see them.

Even thinking about a grouchy spouse can make us stressed when the individual isn’t present.

How can we protect ourselves from energy leakage?

· Boundaries

· Positivity

· Mindset

Boundaries

Sometimes, you can’t escape a negative person. You can set boundaries, though.

When negative people are miserable or cantankerous, we respond the same way repeatedly. We don’t recognize our reactions aren’t beneficial.

You can’t force anyone to change their mindset, but you can alter how you respond to them.

Examine the way you react to your neighbor, boss, housemate, or whoever you see as an energy vampire.

Do you close yourself off and stay quiet? Shout? Get angry? Cry? If what you do isn’t helpful, set boundaries.

Consider what you don’t want to happen anymore. You need a clear idea of your requirements before you state your case.

Maybe you wish to console your friend but aren’t prepared to listen to their exaggerated grievances.

Or you might be sympathetic to your sibling’s negative situation at work, but you aren’t happy to go over the same old story every evening.

Then again, you might live with someone who says various negative things daily and aren’t prepared to sit through remonstrations.

Know your boundaries and state them. Only remember not to incite a negative rebound response. Avoid the language of blame.

For instance, “you always complain, and I want you to shut up” isn’t helpful.

“I need more peace and calm in our home. I think it will help us all feel better. Can we focus on positivity or be quiet right now?” (A constructive approach).

Say what you need and how you want to meet your aim.

You can also set specific times to talk about the individual’s problems rather than let them offload randomly. They will know not to engage in negative talk at the wrong moment. You might find they can’t come up with problems to discuss at the appointed time.

Positivity

Positivity need not mean you tell jokes while your spouse complains. It could mean you don’t feed negative comments. Refrain from nodding, leaning into the conversation, and asking questions.

These behaviors are cues signaling you want the vampire to continue. As long as they aren’t talking about a serious subject requiring sympathy, use closed body language.

Maybe you can turn away and get on with chores as they speak? Avoid eye contact? Change the topic?

Be positive about not taking part in the conversation. If the vampire hasn’t got an attentive audience, he/she will soon stop.

Take charge of your mindset

No one can make you think or feel anything. Only you can do that, so maintain the mindset you prefer.

Recall the intention not to get involved in what the vampire says and does. Detach by remembering you control your mood, and nobody can steal that power from you.

Energy vampires have little self-awareness. Often, they do not understand they influence your demeanor. They are also caught up in their own affairs and blind to yours. To improve the situation, know your boundaries and make them clear.

Don’t get involved in negative talk. Once you take positive action, you will stop feeling powerless, and energy vampires won’t drain you.

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Bridget Webber writes articles for magazines and websites; she often ghostwrites for professionals who can’t spare the time to pen compositions. She’s written poetry eBooks and is featured in several leading publications.