How to Cull the Noise and Create a Self-Care Strategy in the New Year
We can’t tell each other to take better care of ourselves if we don’t have a process in place to do it
When I was in college, self-care was actually talked about a lot. Student wellness groups, peer advisors, and even post-exam mental health checkups were pretty common. Looking back, I was lucky to have an on-campus community that took self-care seriously.
Still, I was unimpressed.
The issue wasn’t that I didn’t believe in self-care. It was the thought of “I’m young and in college, so I’m supposed to feel a heavy amount of stress.” After exams, internships, and commuting more than 3 hours each day, I did not have time to relax. Self-care was something I could not fit into my schedule.
Since then, I have had a better understanding and relationship with self-care. As a content creator, I try to impart bits of what I have learned through everything from live videos to full-fledged articles like this.
We’ll cover several common misconceptions around self-care and a few ways to make self-care a part of your daily routine (includes free Daily Reflections download).
I Learned the Hard Way: Self-Care Is Not Selfish
Over the last few years, self-care has been confused with the “treat yo’ self” mentality. Want that extra donut before bed? “Treat yo’ self!” See a nice pair of shoes at the mall? “Treat yo’ self!” Can’t decide between a facial or a massage? Why not both? “Treat yo’ self!”
It has been criticized because the framing implies that we may do things in the name of self-care that can actually do more harm than good. Here are some things that may feel like self-care, but actually are not.
Ignoring your responsibilities
Taking a break is one thing, but avoiding our commitments entirely without regard for the future can increase our anxiety and make these activities more difficult than they would be otherwise.
Completely letting go
Low-energy and super-relaxing self-care days may appear to be the way to go, but they can get in our way and make us feel less motivated about getting important things done.
Buying what we want, when we want
Eating out and shopping online can be extremely therapeutic and rewarding, but point-and-click therapy can be harmful if it involves impulsive purchases and going over budget.
Excessive binging
Zoning out and binge-watching an entire season of The Great British Bake Off can be calming, but it can also be a means to escape rather than genuinely enjoy what’s going on around you. Similarly, excessive consumption of food or alcohol is an unhealthy way of coping.
Clearly, “treating ourselves” can generate its own set of problems when the focus is entirely on disconnecting. Often, it seems impossible to let things go because even small things can have a profound effect on our lives.
So, what exactly does self-care look like? How can we avoid falling into these traps and provide ourselves with the attention we deserve?
What Self-Care REALLY Looks Like
Read any self-care blog and you will see words like “happiness” and “fulfillment” mentioned throughout. I learned that self-care should be more tangible. It’s a mix of actions and decisions we make every day.
I had an epiphany recently and it seems like an obvious one. The meaning of self-care is in the name. It consists of doing activities that make us feel truly cared for and be present for ourselves.
Self-care is the process of developing a loving relationship with ourselves. It's not one day out of the year. It’s doing things to reinforce our worth on a regular basis.
It should not be an obstacle or a choir, but instead, the fuel that keeps us energized. Careers and passions bring us purpose, so practicing self-care should be in balance with the things that make us who we are.
Ultimately, we need to know ourselves in order to have a solid relationship with ourselves. This requires honesty. Do we do things for ourselves or to please others? We may require some excitement and stimulus, as well as some reflection or even more connection.
Self-care is more of a proactive measure than a reactive one. We shouldn’t only think about ourselves after we hit a wall or feel exhausted. We need to be aware of how we are feeling in the moment. Unpleasant feelings don’t always go away with time. Recognizing where we are emotionally and where we want to be, allows us to alter our actions in order to get there.
3 Ways to Integrate Self-Care into Your Day
Some of us, especially workaholics, may feel oddly unprepared to approach the topic of “self-care.” Much of my joy and fulfillment comes from the daily grind. My mind is constantly running and the only time it gets a break is 5–6 hours each night.
But in working tirelessly for your future, you may find that you are neglecting yourself today. This will come back to bite you. The truth is that everyone has different care needs, so definitely do what works best for you. But if you don’t know where to start, here are some ways to focus on your self-care today:
1. Schedule four to five 10-minute breaks a day
Self-care habits can be integrated into our daily lives easier than you think. Smaller tasks can be rewarding. Crossing things off the proverbial list feels good, right? Getting sh*t done.
Whether a student, self-employed, or at a desk job, much of our time is spent in front of a computer screen. I encourage you to take breaks throughout the day. No matter where you are. Take ten minutes to step away.
Make your breaks constructive— try taking your ten minutes to read a few pages from a new book, learn more about cryptocurrency, water the plants, or clean your workspace.
Not sure what to do for your breaks? Take a piece of paper and write 15 ideas for short tasks that you can do each day. Then cut each task into its separate slip and place them into a jar on your desk or nearby. Select one random task during your break. I practice the same technique. Here are a few of my mine:
- Complete two lessons of Duolingo (language learning app)
- Wash any dishes in the sink and wipe the kitchen counters
- Take a leisurely walk outside the house
- Have a meditation session
- Tidy up your desk and office
- Solve one side of your Rubix cube (or more if time allows)
- Lie down and focus on your breathing
I work from home most days but if you are always on the go you can save your daily tasks as a note on your phone. It won’t be as exciting as the surprise picks from a jar, but can still be a great habit to do things for you.
2. Document your road to total self-care
Reflecting on ourselves can help in connecting more meaningfully with a self-care routine that is a part of our lives. I created this guide to aid in developing self-awareness and a way to provide a space for internal dialogue for your emotions, ambitions, progress, and more.
Click here to download my free Daily Reflections guide.
This does not have to be shared with anyone and can serve as a progress report in your journey to self-care. Be honest with your feelings. There are questions to answer, areas to draw, and spaces to write how you truly feel.
Make a promise with yourself to complete one worksheet each day for the next 6-months. As you implement the strategies and mindset mentioned in this article, you will notice a change in your behavior and how you feel about yourself. This acts as a physical reminder of how far you have come.
3. Define and set boundaries
Oftentimes we have our limits violated before we can decide what they are for ourselves. Constructing those boundaries is proactive care. For example, deciding how we want to be spoken to as well as how we speak to others gives us more control over our interactions and thus the energy we allow to come our way.
Once you discover those boundaries, pay close attention to how the people closest to you feel as you set them. Do they get defensive? Are they quick to push against you? Do they want you to compromise? It is okay to stand firm in what you need for yourself.
This is a type of self-care that might feel extremely selfish and unnatural because we are taught that in love, we should strive to make the other person happy. But, happiness is an internal journey and should not hinge on others' emotions. Be ready to repeat yourself and be clear in setting your boundaries.
We don’t know what this new year has in store for us. It could be filled with warmth, love, and happiness. It could also prove to be quite an emotional rollercoaster filled with hardships, pain, and suffering. We can’t predict how the year will play out but that doesn’t mean we’re helpless.
I hope you take everything we’ve discussed, implement the things that work for you, and consider further ways to give yourself the world you deserve. Because you are incredible! I know it and you do too.
What self-care practices do you find helpful? Let me know.
