How to Create a Long-Distance Book Club for Two
Talking about books brings people closer together
“I want to read more books.”
That’s how it began. My daughter Jessie and I were video chatting — me from our home in Alaska, she from her apartment in Philadelphia.
It was May 2020. She had just graduated with a B.A. in English from Temple University, completing her degree in only three years.
Her dad and I weren’t able to attend her graduation — in fact, there was no Temple graduation in 2020. As families all over the country faced a pandemic spring without the familiar ritual of high school and college graduations, we canceled our trip and looked for ways to spend time “together.”
Why a book club?
As an English major, Jessie had read plenty of books in college, but reading for fun was a habit she had left behind in favor of the dusty tomes of academia. It wasn’t that she lacked things to do. Even virtually housebound during the pandemic summer of 2020, she kept busy working part-time, applying for jobs, practicing music, and preparing meals.
What she needed was a deadline.
We decided to introduce structure; we settled on a book club for two. Here’s how we set up our long-distance book club:
1. Decide what kind of books. Specific authors? Titles?
We decided we would read both fiction and nonfiction and would begin with books she already owns. I buy books from our local used bookstore (where I conveniently work), the local Barnes & Noble, or online.
When possible, I buy the same edition she has so we can discuss specific passages without fumbling around looking for the matching text in the other book.
Sometimes I mail her a used book I get locally or she orders online.
2. Discuss how to choose books
We trade off who gets to choose the next title. That way, the books we read vary in terms of topics and authors.
3. Agree on ground rules
Talk about what you want to get out of your book club. Expand your horizons? Laugh? Have deep meaningful conversations? Read those classics you’ve always wanted to check off your list? Then choose books that will take you in that direction.
This one was easy for us: Have fun! We don’t worry about going off-topic or trying to keep things on track. And yes, sometimes we spend a lot of time talking about things other than the book.
4. Set up a schedule
We set a deadline every few days to discuss an agreed-upon number of pages. For a 300-page book, we tend to read about 50 pages every few days.
Stuff happens. If we need to take a break for a few days or even a week or two, we do.
5. Read!
I usually do the reading the morning of our discussion, marking passages I want to talk about with removable sticky arrows. She does something similar. We note recurring themes, remarkable prose, compelling dialogue — anything that we want to discuss when we meet. Interestingly, we often mark the same lines.
6. And … launch!
We use video chat and our conversations are usually about an hour each. We find that a cup of tea and a cat on the couch next to each of us adds an element of authenticity to our book club. Cat-approved!
We start by recapping what happened in the section and talk about the characters, the plot, the writing style, etc. Sometimes the books we read have suggested questions for book clubs in the back, and we read through them, but usually find our own topics for discussion.
The discussions give us a chance to talk about issues important to both of us: immigration, cultural appropriation, mental health, religious freedoms, racial issues, the Alaska mystique, and family relationships, to name a few. We’ve had animated discussions on a wide variety of topics.
Before we end the session, we agree on the next reading: how many pages we will read, and when we’ll talk next.
7. Research the author and context
For our final discussion about the book, I look up and share reviews, interviews with the author, and other relevant tidbits about the author, the book, or its context.
It works for us
As the only child of older parents, Jessie grew up in the small town of Ester, Alaska, leaving home in 2017 to attend college in the big city of Philadelphia. It has been a period of adjustment for us all. She spent summers at home and came back for holidays and school breaks.
Until the pandemic. We missed seeing her walk across the stage to get her diploma, missed visiting her and her partner and their pets in their home in the city. She spent her first birthday (21!) away from home this year and has resigned herself to staying put for the next year or so.
Now that she has a full-time job as an associate editor working from her home in Philadelphia, we still find time to spend together talking about books — and life. As we establish our relationship (albeit at a distance) as adults and friends, our book club brings us closer together and helps us learn more about each other as mother and daughter — and as people.
It gives me a glimpse into how she views the world and what’s important to her. It helps us find a little bit of normal during a panicky time of uncertainty when holiday plans have to be put aside and simply going to the grocery store is anxiety-producing.
It’s also an excuse to curl up on the couch with a cup of tea, a book, a cat, and each other.
We make time for reading. And each other.
Our reading list so far
Since we began our book club in May, we’ve completed six books and started on our seventh.
We’ve read:
White Teeth, by Zadie Smith (Random House, 2000)
Synopsis: A novel about an Englishman and a Bangladeshi man who become friends on the battlefields of World War II, and the connection they and their families maintain over the ensuing decades.
What we talked about: Cultural appropriation, immigration, male-female roles, young authors, religion’s role in society, the ethics of experimentation on animals.
Running With Scissors, by Augusten Burroughs (Picador, 2000)
Synopsis: An autobiography about a boy who is sent to live with his mother’s therapist after she has one too many psychotic episodes.
What we talked about: Mental health issues, what it means to be labeled crazy, how people overcome childhood trauma, gay relationships, motherhood, the role of therapy in American society.
I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings, by Maya Angelou (Random House, 2015)
Synopsis: From her childhood in Arkansas to her teen years in California, Maya Angelou’s autobiography about a Black girl coming of age in 20th century America.
What we talked about: generational trauma, rape, the Black Lives Matter movement, what it means to be white, living with a disability, education’s role in society.
Making Our Way Home, by Blair Imani (Ten Speed Press, 2020)
Synopsis: An illustrated history of the Great Migration from 1910 through the 1970s when millions of Black Americans left the American South for northern and western cities.
What we talked about: civil rights, Black Lives Matter, social and cultural influences on attitudes, generational trauma, societal responsibilities, catalysts for change.
The Man who Mistook His Wife for a Hat, by Oliver Sacks (Touchstone, 1998)
Synopsis: case histories of Dr. Oliver Sacks, who treated patients for neurological disorders.
What we talked about: what it means to be “normal,” changes in societal attitudes toward mental illness since the book was written (ableism), the nature of memory, the boundaries of sanity.
Into the Wild, by Jon Krakauer (Anchor Books, 1996)
Synopsis: The story of Christopher McCandless who hitchhiked to Alaska in 1992 and walked alone into the wilds of Alaska north of Denali; he died alone in the wilderness.
What we talked about: the mystique of Alaska, the common Alaska response to the book (eye-rolling) vs. the rest of the world (romanticized), homesickness when Alaska is home, the nature of community, and family relationships
In progress:
A Manual for Cleaning Women, by Lucia Berlin (Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 2015)
Synopsis: A volume of short stories published posthumously. Almost all narrated by hard-living women, these gritty stories are based on the author’s experiences in mining towns, failed marriages, alcoholism, and eventual sobriety.
What we’re talking about: TBD!
After that, who knows?
