How to Correctly Spot A Secure Person

And keep more of them around

I am sure you can go back to that time in your memory when you were friends with a secure person — a person well-situated in his place on the earth, in her workplace, at home, and in her relationships. (For the sake of convenience, I will use the pronoun ‘he/his/him’ to refer to this person for the rest of the article as well.)

He knows what is expected of him and what his demands are from relationships, work, and herself.

He embraces you with genuine warmth.

You feel very safe around him.

But, you must have also met a person who is faking to be secure. As soon as you get too close to them his insecure style, attachment, and mindset come creeping in. It reflects in their reaction to your success and their behavior during a conflict.

Some telltale signs that a person is secure in his skin and on his spot on this earth are the following:

1| He deals with criticism without putting a dent in the relationship

We are all flawed and all have the ability to grow past many of our flaws. A secure person knows this well.

When criticism comes his way he quickly accepts the possibility of that and the normality of there being a flaw. He can imagine a future where he has grown past the flaw if it is required. This allows him to shield his identity from criticism.

When false criticisms come his way, he can quite easily recognize his true self versus the flawed version that was presented to others. He knows that the criticism that was shared with them was a misperception of the other.

An even more elegant aspect of the secure person is that he doesn’t blame it on the critique. Depending on the nature of the critique he shows in his action why the critique is wrong or moves away from them.

As a result, it’s much safer to provide constructive criticism to a secure person, lower the risk of ugly conflict, and have a higher chance of observing a shift in behavior.

2| He lifts you up, doesn’t put you down

People put others down to prove their position at work or in relationships. A secure person authentically works hard to be where he is and knows where he fell short. There is no point for him in appearing bigger.

Appearing bigger and being the bigger person is quite different. There is no confusion between the two in the heart of a secure person.

You can not only safely share your ambitions and wild dreams with a secure person but also get their help on your way. An insecure person fills you with self-doubt and chips at your confidence because they view the process of achieving as difficult or impossible. A secure person believes that working towards something results in success one way or another, and thus projects the same mindset on others. Besides, he also doesn’t worry that you will bite into his share of the pie. So, he just doesn’t feel the need to put you or bring you down.

3| He is never outwardly jealous

He celebrates your successes along with you. Not just by putting up a face because they are supposed to but deep down they are comfortable that you succeeded.

He understands that if he wants something he needs to work for it. People who are at a different place than him have done something differently, found them at the right time in the right place, and worked hard to get there. This fact does not start a storm inside him. He has accepted it to be the reality.

Sure, we are all born with certain privileges but rebelling against this rule of nature will only waste his time.

We are dealt different cards in life. Some people have a combination of luck and a good set of cards which really set them up for continuous success and growth in life. I mean what can you do about it? Nothing. You can only work towards using your cards in the best possible way and set yourself up for better luck next time.

A secure person embodies this idea through action. He does not feed the inner jealousy. He converts it into growth for himself rather than expressing it outward. He has grown out of the habit of outward expression of jealousy.

4| He lets you have your space and some more

I am sure you can think of a person or two who can never let another person have too much space in a social scenario. They feel the urge to take a piece of the visual, auditory, and mental space reserved for you.

They compulsively talk over others, and bring up the stories of their successes or their grievances when you are in the spotlight.

A secure person is the opposite of that. He allows you the space to tell your story. Then he goes beyond and allows the audience to soak your story in. He neither takes over your space with content from their life nor does he try to one-up you right after your experiences have been highlighted.

Others will think about you and ask questions about you after you have presented yourself in some form of communication. A secure person will hold that space up for you rather than inundating it with himself.

5| His facial expression has some marked differences

The eyebrows of this person sort of stretched and the opening of the eye shrank, his mouth clenched a little, his body tilted on one side and it went a bit still as you told him about your adventurous travel experience with a very friendly and attractive man you enjoyed the company of.

As he listened on I felt that there was something wrong about the vibe around this person. The eyes are not showing delight or surprise, it’s as if he is lost in some other thought. His posture indicated a suppressed attempt to pounce at you.

The smirk on his lips was not from appreciation but from disbelief.

This is about a person who I thought was a well-wisher only to later find him mocking and belittling some of the most joyous experiences I shared with him. The body language I described above is what I saw repeatedly in several insecure people I came across.

The discomfort, anger, and reluctance towards acceptance for you that they feel manifest in the shrinkage of their body, eyes, and mouth.

A secure person feels relaxed in his body, holds a gentle and open posture, and welcomes you with a wide gaze and unclenched face.

It can be tricky and occasionally dreadful to deal with insecure people on a daily basis. You never know where their buttons are and what the reaction to pressing the buttons would be. So much as we would love to accept everyone around us, it can be quite draining to be surrounded by insecure people. They also turn toxic more quickly.

On the other hand, a secure person can lift your soul, expand your horizons, and boost your confidence. Don’t we all want a slice of that?

Spot secure people and keep them close. It will shift your trajectory towards more peace, growth, and abundance.