How To Correct Your Weak Points (And Win At Life)

Thanks to The Magic of Thinking Big

Ladies and gentle humans!

I am currently deep in a rereading of a flipping amazing book. I am almost at the end. And I fully intend, when I hit the last page, to turn all 302 pages over and immediately start it all over again.

This book is called “The Magic of Thinking Big” by Dr. David J. Scwartz. If you have not come across this book in your travels, run, do not walk, to your nearest Amazon tab and order it now.

Why? Because this little volume is a literal success manual. Its small size (paperbacks are small compared to, IDK, elephants or whatever) is completely out of proportion to the wisdom crammed inside it. This sucker was printed in 1959, and legit every single page in the book still holds up.

I will be writing extensively in the future on the individual pieces of excellent advice it contains. But today, I want to share something that really smacked me in the face about 38 minutes ago (I put it down to write this article).

How To Turn Defeat Into Victory

I’m currently at Chapter 11 in TMOTB (new acronym). This chapter, entitled “How To Turn Defeat Into Victory” talks about how you can use setbacks in any area of life to propel yourself forward if you use them appropriately.

The first point it makes is that flat-out failure, mediocrity, and success can all stem from the same negative event. It’s the attitude you bring to negative events that determine your path forward.

Failure, in the words of the book, “takes a beating and doesn’t get up. He’s whipped.” Mediocrity climbs back on its hands and knees, crawls away, then stands up and sprints away from the event, making sure to never get in that position again.

Success, on the other hand, bounces back up and studies the event. Dr. Schwartz argues that studying failure, studying setbacks or “no’s” or arguments or whatever the negative event may be, is one of the most valuable activities you can engage in.

It’s like when football teams watch recordings of their games — the coach makes them study what they did wrong and the missed plays to see why what happened, happened. Or when there’s a plane crash, and the aviation safety people are on the ground right away, to find out why it crashed and (this is the important part) how to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

The Power of Cause and Effect

We live in a world of “why.” Things don’t just poof! appear out of literal nowhere with no causal force acting on it. There is always a reason for what happens.

Now, I’m not saying (and Dr. Schwartz isn’t saying) that this reason is necessarily your fault. But there’s always something you can learn, apply, and improve from studying the “why” of setbacks.

I was really interested in the idea of applying the FAA-crash-investigation/football-team-replay approach to my own life. And so, I put the book down and thought. “Where have I had setbacks recently? Where have I felt, in the words of the book, whipped?”

And I had a revelation.

One of the things the book stresses in earlier chapters is always doing your best, regardless of what you’re actually doing. Doing your best at work and doing your best at home are equally important in his eyes because the one feeds into the other and they both have an equal effect on you developing the habit of “being someone who always does their best.”

Now. Here’s where I look in the metaphorical mirror and wince.

In my recent setbacks, failure to move forward, and negative feedback or responses from people, the common denominator is that I didn’t do my best for them. And they definitely knew.

Ow ow ow ow owwwwww.

Wait for it…OW.

Examining that a little more closely, I also know why I didn’t do my best for them. I spent most of my formative years as a tiny little perfectionist. I gave 110% percent at everything I could from a very early age, mostly because not giving 110% had some very, very painful consequences.

As a result, I burned out hard. Being perfect in every way I possibly could be was exhausting on a flipping existential level. And despite the fact that I’m now a grown-ass woman who’s in charge of her shit and definitely not under the fear-pressure to be perfect that I grew up with, there’s still a piece of me that’s terrified of doing my best. (When I say I burned out hard, I mean I almost died. A lot. Tres lame.)

As a result, I didn’t do my best for people. I cut corners.

I slacked, out of fear.

And my dudes, people can tell when you are slacking. Oi.

Conclusion: Self-Examination Is Straight Up Alchemy (Turning Lead Into Gold)

My football-replay exercise taught me a lot. I hadn’t realized how deeply my fear of burning out again had impacted the quality of my efforts in like, life in general.

But! Now I know. I’ve identified the “why” of negative events happening. I’ve even identified the why behind the why (gold star for me). And I can work on that. I can inform myself that you know what, I’m an adult now. I’m not in a helpless position where perfection is the only safe route. I have power. I can decide for myself how I want to be.

I think the not-doing-my-best was partly fear and partly reaction — angrily lashing out at the world that puts so much pressure on me by going “NO FUCK YOU I SHALL NOT” (saying that is one of my greatest life skills. Sigh. Working on that next).

But thanks to The Magic of Thinking Big, I know this now. I can work on it. I can improve it. I can take one of my greatest weaknesses and correct it from the inside out.

And when that happens, my loves…

watch out, The World.

I’m comin’ for ya.