How to Cope with the 3 Different Types of Grief

Processing loss while take care of yourself

How are you handling any losses you have experienced these last few years? I believe it’s safe to assume that all of us have had something or someone taken from us in these times.

And depending on who or what — it has an impact on how we live today. For some, it might have little impact or others huge.

Our perceptions also play a role in how we handle what we are facing. For me, in the last two years I have lost both my parents and most recently my 19 year old cat.

My life looks different now — the title of daughter and caregiver shifts, it’s now roles I used to hold. It happens — we all have been through title changes over our lives as we move from role to role. At some points they add up and we hold many roles at once and then they drift off as we enter different stages of our lives.

I miss my parents and I miss Rascal who was my biggest influence into living a healthier life. I choose to celebrate their lives and all they offered me and everyone they touched.

I believe we are all energy and they are still around, just not in body.

This helps me cope with these losses and helps me move forward in my life without them. I talk to them every day and I’ll shed some tears and then I thank them for everything — and lift my spirits.

We all grieve in different ways — there is no right or wrong way.

What has your life been like these last few years? What are you grieving and how are you responding?

A friend reached out as she deals with the death of a sibling. Another friend reached out as she deals with the death of a marriage. And another dealing with retirement after working in a company for 20 years.

All life changing events that have changed their lives.

Can you relate?

In these times with so much shifting in our world, have you also had shifts with your life regarding:

Financial stability

Loss of a friendship

Losing a job or changing jobs

Selling your family home

Loss of a dream

Loss of your health — or a loved one’s health

Loss of your ‘normal’ life prior to 2020

Kids moving out on their own/change in family unit

Death of a pet

Relationship breakup or divorce

How many of us just think of grieving as a loved one dying?

Instead grief includes things being taken from you. Added to our daily lives and with the world today, many of us are also grieving losses such as choice, freedom and loss of trust in governments, medical community, media coverage and humanity.

Some have questioned these areas long ago and now more unite and join in.

One area we unfortunately aren’t at a loss for is our stress levels. The uncertainty of our daily lives and worldly events keeps us on alert. Which is why I spend time sharing ways to deal with stress.

And today — taking a deeper look at grief. I feel the more you know, the more you can help yourself move forward on this journey of self-awareness.

First off, did you know that there are different types of grief? According to an article in helpguide com there are actually:

3 Types of Grief:

1. Anticipatory — you begin to grieve before the loss actually happens. It’s the sickly or aging furry family member, the terminally ill loved one or even the end of a career or job where you see the ‘writing on the wall’.

You might feel like you’ve lost hope, have anger and are confused by your emotions as you begin to grieve before the event has happened. This said, you have the chance to resolve any unfinished business or say goodbyes — you have a chance to prepare.

2. Disenfranchised grief- when you cannot openly mourn or when the loss is devalued. Losses like a friendship, a pet, a job — areas that you might think grief doesn’t play a part.

Also losses that are decreased in value like a loss of a classmate, neighbor or someone you worked with — someone not technically deemed ‘close’ to you. There are also the losses that might be considered stigmatized, like a loved one committing suicide or having a miscarriage.

In these cases, it could make it difficult to accept the loss and to be able to process the grief properly.

3. Complicated grief- when the pain doesn’t ease up over time and you are struggling to return to your daily relationships and life. You just cannot accept what has happened and might even feel like life isn’t worth living.

This grief usually happens with the passing of a loved one and at this point, it’s time to get some support such as therapy as well as holistic tools to help you move forward.

When grieving, this is the time to turn to friends and family. Many of us will isolate and try to remain strong. Understand that they might feel unsure and seem awkward in trying to comfort you. Help them by explaining how they can best support you. Maybe you just need a hug, a good cry with them or their ear as you share.

You might decide to join a support group where others understand what you are going through. Or draw comfort from your faith — whether it’s a church or the practice of praying and meditating — or both.

It’s extremely important to make sure you are taking care of yourself at all times, and especially when you are grieving. Otherwise you can begin to experience insomnia, fatigue, a weaken immune system, weight gain or loss and even pains and aches.

To help in the take care process, make sure to:

Face your feelings — spend time feeling your emotions and work to not stay stuck there. Set a timer if needed and give yourself time every day to feel — cry or yell. Otherwise suppressing can lead to substance abuse, anxiety, depression and health problems.

Watch your physical health — I have shared before how the body and mind are connected. When you feel better physically, you feel better mentally. Make sure you get enough rest and sleep, that you are moving and not just sitting. Make sure you are eating healthy choices — foods from a plant, not made in a plant. Watch the numbing agents like alcohol, comfort foods and even drugs.

Express your feelings — spend time journaling to release your thoughts. Talk to yourself out loud when you are alone and just vent to help you process. You can also become a volunteer for the cause that relates to the loss you are experiencing and be of service.

Plan for the triggers — the milestones, holidays and anniversaries that will remind you of your loss. Don’t spend those times alone, have support. You can even look for a creative way to mark the loss.

Look to routines and activities — use them to bring you comfort — to bring some normalcy back into your day. Spend time with activities that bring you joy — it’s okay to feel happy and to laugh. Take the guilt out — it doesn’t mean you don’t care if you aren’t constantly sad.

In fact doing things that make you feel happy and bring you joy not only lift your spirits — they lift your vibration. Like attracts like. Why not start to attract more to be happy about?

We are in times where the focus has been on the negative, the uncertainty, the fear. We move from the pandemic to the crisis in Ukraine and then another variant… All while dealing with our own issues and challenges in life…

…When will some happiness come in? When we choose to bring it in!

We can’t wait for the happy times to find us — we have to start feeling happy and attract more happiness to us. Start small like enjoying the sun and let it grow from there. Let’s look for the silver linings and start lifting our moods.

This week I added a new post-it note on my cabinet. It says: Be Happy! Get out of my head and into my heart. My head wants to focus on the fear, my heart chooses to focus on love and joy.

I need to remind myself — how about you? I hope you will join me in looking for the light.

This is the journey of self-awareness…

If you haven’t already, please take my new QUIZ: What is Your Self-Awareness Type? and uncover more about where you are and where you can go. It’s 2 minutes and it’s FREE.

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And I encourage you to read the work of my fabulous writer friends: Trista Ainsworth, Gurpreet Dhariwal, Amy Marley, Aurora Eliam, CMP, Erin King, Karen Madej, Alison Tennent, Neha Sandhir S, Lanu Pitan, Kyomi O’Connor, Terry Mansfield, Tim Maudlin, Bob Jasper, Joe Luca, JeffHerring.com, Indra Raj Pathak, Dr Michael Heng, David Acaster

Always celebrating, Dr Mehmet Yildiz, Founder & Leader of ILLUMINATION

Until next time ~

Sending you light, love — and self-awareness.

Be Well,