How to Cope with Dating as an ADHD Person
Learn how to navigate your love life when you easily get bored of people.
Dating is difficult as it is. But dating ADHD is nerve-wracking. It seems impossible. Nothing puts it into perspective more than a breakup.
Lack of awareness and representation, as well as chronic underdiagnosis, allow most people with ADHD to fly under the radar.
This means they lose professional mental health services, and well-meaning friends, families, and partners may not know how to help them. The attempt will be confused as they struggle to understand ADHD’s behavioral pattern.
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder is a condition that initially presents in childhood but often goes undiagnosed. It is also highly hereditary, which means it often runs in the family, and you are much more likely to get it if a parent or sibling is also diagnosed.
In Australia, it affects around 814,500 people and around 5.1% to 7.1% of the world population.
Despite the name, ADHD doesn’t translate into an attention deficit, but rather a regulating problem, making it more difficult to plan, prioritize, avoid impulses, remember and focus.
The standard assumption about ADHD is that it’s what makes kids disruptive. But it can also make little girls feel like they’re never good enough.
The Challenges of Dating as a Person with ADHD
When it comes to ADHD and romantic obsession patterns, things like intense impulsive emotional outbursts of anger can be common, along with rejection sensitivity, where you start to feel bad about yourself in situations where you experience rejection from another person.
People with ADHD are born with lower levels of certain neurotransmitters, so when your oxytocin and dopamine get a boost from a new romantic relationship, the arousal cycle can be addictive.
Dating can seem like withdrawal symptoms for people with ADHD. But the relationship issues that people with ADHD face can go much deeper. They are more prone to psychological abuse and manipulative tactics such as love bombing.
How to Deal with the Symptoms of ADHD in a Relationship
People with ADHD often harbor thoughts of self-mockery. Confront these thoughts, and refute them where possible.
The next time you make a mistake, listen to your thoughts. If you find yourself thinking “I’m so stupid” or “I can’t do any good”, dismiss it. Remind yourself that no matter what the end result is, you did your best under the circumstances.
Self-reflection and defining boundaries are especially vital when adding ADHD to the dating mix. The most important thing is to be self-aware. This way, you can be explicit with your partner and let him know exactly what you need and what your limits are.
Being self-aware doesn’t mean these symptoms no longer affect your life or cause challenges. But making an effort to identify the positives of your ADHD, rather than dwelling on the negatives, can help you understand your strengths, your quirks, and which systems and strategies are best for you.
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