How To Cope Through Pain Being Your Best Teacher
Take chances, make mistakes. That’s how you grow. Pain nourishes your courage. You have to fail in order to practice being brave. — Mary Tyler Moore
Pain has no face, but every human being feels when it shows up.
It shows up without warning, often knocking you to your knees between the crevices of life. If the pain could heal as quickly as the superficial ouchie we’d be off and running again quickly, but often it’s the pain that holds us back after the wound has healed.
Today I took my daughter to the dentist. The appointment was scheduled as orthodontist evaluation. Easy peasy. No sweat. It’s just an evaluation for braces. We all know she needs them. We were put on alert just over a year ago and anyone who looks at her gorgeous smile knows it needs straightening.
The last year has been anything but normal.
No one was surprised to hear the evaluation. You need braces. We were surprised to hear:
And, we can put them on today.
Really?
Yes, but we need her buy-in, that she is ready for this responsibility and accepts the necessary care i.e. what to eat and what not to eat, the daily flossing…
Who really flosses daily anyway? Not me. You’re a saint if you do.
Let’s do it right now!
If she’s ready to get braces this very moment who am I to stop her? It’s today or over a month from now and who wants to live with an anxious tween for a month while she re-lives whether or not to get braces?
Not this Momma.
Her zealousness quickly turns to fear.
I need to get a filling and I’m not ready for that today, until now. If I exhibit bravery maybe she will too.
After confirming they can fit my dental work into the schedule too I suggest:
How about I take the chair down the hall and we both get our work done at the same time?
Everyone sees the head nod in the affirmative and we all move to make preparations.
I’m in the chair and about to receive the numbing injection when I hear:
I want my Momma!
Did she just say, “I want my Momma”?
How they could possibly understand what I was saying with tools in my mouth is beyond me, but they understood perfectly.
Both ladies have bugged out eyes and nod their heads while backing away to let me up.
I follow the voice I know is hers and quickly assess there’s no way of getting to hold her hand. Three ladies are working with her while she’s gagging over the trashcan.
“I’m here,” I say as I reach out and touch her leg.
Momma’s here.
The impression didn’t go well. The hygienist was successful in getting the impression for the bottom teeth, but kiddo overpowered her and pulled the tray out of her mouth before the impression of top teeth could set.
If you’ve ever had an impression of your teeth made you know the horrifying feeling of not being able to breathe while the goo hardens in place. You feel like you’re suffocating.
It isn’t pleasant, but it is necessary.
No pain, no gain.
If pain is adversity she’s growing hair on her chest, so to speak.
She is in emotional turmoil and calling for her Momma. It’s not often a tween wants her Momma these days, so when she calls for me I am horrified and feel wanted. It is my chance to be needed by her.
It’s interesting how pain focuses our lives on how to survive.
How do you survive?
Sometimes you call for your Momma, but what if she’s not around?
Here are practical survival tips:
Refocus your attention
This works well for physical injuries. I remember when my husband had surgery and solved a brand new video game in less than a week. He literally switched his focus to an alternative reality. His attention, both day and night, was fixed on solving the game. When he wasn’t sleeping his mind was working on solutions.
Temporarily refocus your attention to a part of the body that is pain-free, or find an alternative reality. Hopefully, one that is legal and nonaddictive.
Try imagery
Go to your happy place, whatever that may be. For, me it’s a place where the sun shines and is warm. It may be the warmth of a fire or a hot-drawn bath. Whatever breeds happiness or is your place of solace, find it and go there.
Don’t blame yourself
Whatever decisions got you here doesn’t matter. Maybe it’s your fault and maybe it isn’t, but you’re here now so let’s deal with how to move forward. Maybe you continued being active for too long when you knew better. Don’t blame yourself. It’s natural for you to sometimes go over your limits; blaming yourself for it serves no useful purpose.
Release judgment
Guilt and judgment can plague our thoughts. The inner critic starts. “What if I would have …” or “who are you to…” or “you shouldn’t feel angry about that because…”
Should have, would have, could have…
There’s no sense in that now.
It’s time to survive.
I will survive.
How will you?
Enter the inspiration of Aretha Franklin:
