How to Convince your Family and Friends to Let You Write in Peace

Having a schedule is easy; defending it is a nightmare.

I’m starting to write, thinking that self-discipline is my worst nemesis. Following a personal schedule when nobody is breathing down your neck is hard for a self-indulgent Mediterranean. My to-do list often ends up on I-don’t-care graveyard of post-it notes.

Two years down the road, and I’m coming to terms with the fact that everything I’ve thought about writing is wrong. Typing doesn’t turn out to be the business of religious bleeding behind the keyboard. I’m enjoying the process. Writing is not a struggle, but telling others to leave you alone proves to be the biggest challenge.

Then, finally sitting behind the keyboard feeling like an asshole, because you have to reschedule family calls, afternoon drinks, and movie nights.

“Write with the door closed.” — Stephen King

I just want to write, why is everyone mad? I’ve developed a few tactics to avoid confrontation over having a personal schedule.

Wake up early, before everyone else

High-achievers wake up at insane hours beacuse they can work on their own thing, without distractions. If you wake up with everybody else, or god forbid later than others, you’re risking to lose control of your day.

Family brunches, partners, kids, and everybody you love is suddenly your worst business partners. Your kids need attention, your spouse is having a bad morning, your parents are calling, and your friends want to get afternoon margaritas because life is great. You love and absolutely have to partake in all of the above, and you do it with all your heart.

But when are you going to write? People are reluctant to accept your schedule as an excuse to opt-out of agreements. Some even take it personally and make an insensitive jerk out of you.

You can avoid the whole excuse-me-I’m-busy parade by merely waking up before everyone else and having a few hours for yourself. You can’t miss a social commitment if the other person is still dreaming.

Learn to say no without raising eyebrows

If you find yourself having to set boundaries, you can use good old-fashioned validation diplomacy. Some people might not take it lightly. The process is never easy.

The validation formula works as long as the roof is not on fire. Tell your social commitment that you love to spend time with them, but you’re catching up on work, and can’t meet or talk right now.

Distraction line

Turn off your phone. Bolt your writing den doors. Blast the music and avoid notifications until you’re done with work.

Switching from one task to another is draining your productivity. You can write for an hour, and then reply to messages. If you’re devoted to a regular schedule, close friends and family get used to your time.

Your partner might complain at first, but you’re earning respect by following up on your commitment. Soon, people around you start to take your schedule into consideration.

Hard-sober refusal

You’re not available. You can’t come out and play because you have work to finish. Tell your people like it is: you’re not available right now.

Individual self-help gurus claim that saying NO brings happiness and self-actualization. You’re working on personal-development.

Automate and systemize

Try not to be busy. Busy often reeks of poor self-management, especially in the world of writing. You need time devoted to your inner meadow. But managing time to make your social commitment, in-house tasks, and other business work is possible.

If Elon musk can run Tesla, SpaceX and other compaines at the same time, you can stick to a writing schedule.

Writing is flexible, but not flexible in a way that you can let others dictate your time. You can schedule your writing to suit your creativity, and follow up on it.

Thousands of writing hacks can help you create a viable system to tackle your daily tasks. Medium is your friend. Search for writing advice.

The takeaway

The outside world is the biggest enemy of the writer’s schedule. People love to present their quirks as emergencies. The closer the person, the riskier it gets. You’re facing an ungrateful situation of being a jerk if you turn down social invitations.

You can start by not getting yourself in a situation to even have to discuss your schedule. If you end up having to explain yourself, show your friends and family you’re not available. Writing is not hard when you’re inspired, rested, and alone.

If typing becomes a professional duty, you have the extra wind in your sails. You’re not merely writing anymore; you’re busy working.